Unhappy Marriage With Kids (Should We Stay Together For The Sake Of The Children?)

Many parents ask this question. People often believe that divorce is extremely damaging to children and they stay together in an otherwise unhappy marriage as a result. However, this is not necessarily the best thing for children. My clients tell me all of the time that they stayed together or believe they should stay together for the sake of their children. I tell them that children do not need married parents - they need happy and healthy parents

There is no doubt that kids benefit from living with two parents who have a good marriage. They feel secure and safe. They learn what it takes to make a good marriage and to form good adult relationships. They do not have to deal with the complications and stress that come with a divorce. Studies reveal that children who are raised in a two person, loving, and stable environment show less signs of depression, anxiety and defiant behavior and do better in school.

However, there are two parts to that equation. Just having two parents is not enough - a good marriage is the more important part. Children are very intuitive - they can see when there are problems. While no child wants their parents to be divorced - children are more damaged by constant fighting, a poor relationship, or unhappy parents than they are by a divorce. Children raised in a stressful and conflicted environment are more stressed, have more defiant behavior, and have more disciplinary problems. Studies also have shown that children do better when their parents get divorced, in comparison to their parents living together in a continuous state of conflict, instability, and uncertainty.

Divorce is stressful on everyone, especially children, and should be avoided whenever possible. However, a divorce in and of itself is not necessarily damaging. Fighting, arguing, putting the children in the middle, custody battles, a lack of communication and a lack of respect by one of their parents towards the other are the damaging parts of a divorce. Children of divorced parents can do great if these things are avoided. Children need to know and to feel that each of their parents is a good person. If their parents belittle, demean or criticize the other parent, in a child's mind they are doing the same to them - they are a part and an extensive of their parents after all. Even if they consciously don't think this, they internalize these actions and subconsciously feel it.

Parents often get caught up in their own emotions and either can't, or won't, put aside those emotions for the sake of the children. This is true whether they continue to stay in an unhappy marriage or if they get divorced. For these people, either situation is damaging to the children. However, at least with a divorce, there is distance and fewer situations where the children are caught up in these emotions. A pending divorce can certainly amplify those emotions but eventually, the conflict will die down when the divorce concludes although the anger may never completely go away.

What if, you ask, my marriage is not high conflict or stressful? What about those situations where we have simply drifted apart or are no longer in love? Life is just going along for you and you are neither happy nor unhappy? In these situations, the answer to whether you should stay together for the children is not so easy. Your marriage is not damaging to your children at this point and the children will be bewildered and confused by a divorce. They may not have a clue that there were problems between you and your spouse. Most people would agree that in these cases, you should try to tough it out as long as possible. Since there is no doubt that children do best in a two parent, stable relationship, you should try to give them the benefit of that as long as possible.

However, I would caution that it you get to the point where your unhappiness is clearly visible, you need to reevaluate that decision (see above). Even though you may not be fighting with your spouse, if you are extremely unhappy in your marriage, eventually this unhappiness could have negative consequences. You or your spouse could look for fulfillment outside of your marriage by having an affair. You or your spouse could develop depression and other related issues. If these situations occur, it will eventually lead to anger and fighting which will have a greater negative effect on your children.

Children need healthy and happy parents so they have role models to grow up into happy and healthy adults. Children should be shown that having a mate is not the key ingredient to a good life. They should also be taught that if you have a problem, you need to face it head on and take whatever action is necessary to correct it. They should know that they can take ownership of their happiness, life is messy sometimes and things don't always turn out the way that you would like. These are not necessarily bad lessons to learn.

The answer to the question "should we stay together for the sake of the children" is not easy. As parents, it is your job to insure that your children grow up as healthy as possible. However, simply staying together is not necessarily the answer. Depending on your situation, your children may actually be better off if you divorce.

How to Keep Hope Alive in Desperate Times When Marriage Is in Crisis

Your whole life just came crumbling down. Your marriage is in crisis and your spouse just informed you that the marriage has no future. All you want to do now is to throw in the towel. Please do not give up yet. There is no marriage in the world that does not go through rough spots. Some marriages even strengthen after couples manage to wither the storm. You can save your marriage from divorce.

When a marriage is in crisis, couples are angry with each other. They will end up saying extreme things or act in an angry manner just to hurt the other or even cover their guilt about asking for a divorce. This is not the time for you to take those comments personally. You will not be able to save your marriage from divorce and can inflict further harm to your troubled marriage if you take things personally.

You must believe that your troubled marriage can be saved even if you are the only one who has hope. All you need to do is change your behavior pattern to a more positive outlook and stop frustrating your spouse. This can help a frustrated spouse to calm down and realize that they have invested much in the marriage and reconsider their impulsive desire to leave.

Most couples tend to be more critical towards their spouse when a marriage is in crisis. Lower your expectations of your spouse. There are other important and bigger issues to handle at this moment.

How you can resolve your marriage in a crisis is determined by the way you react to the situation. If your spouse asks for emotional space, give it to them. Do not badger them. Take this time to sort through your own emotions instead. Avoid being demanding and press for answers to your marriage difficulties. Avoid anxiety but rather calm yourself, regroup and start preparing for the task ahead.

Many people will become depressed and insecure when their marriage is having problems. This is the time to remain positive. You can control your reactions even though you cannot control your spouse actions. Your reactions will determine if your marriage can be saved or damaged for good. You need to trust your capabilities in finding creative solutions to save your marriage.

Never rush into making a decision right now. Avoid focusing on your marriage problems like a laser beam. Learn to enjoy your own life. Instead expand your activities and interest by working out regularly, attend dancing lessons or read just to keep your spirit and mind alive. As you start to be more relaxed and enjoy your own life, there is a very high chance that your spouse will become more interested in you.

You must believe that you have done your best to stop the divorce. Irrespective of the outcome you should focus more to be more loving and be helpful to your spouse.

Pay Close Attention Here-

Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick that will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed, and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here

Thinking about regaining the status of "Happily Married"? It is possible, and is not difficult if you think it is not. But exactly how you do so? If you would like the source most couples used to revive their relationship, strengthened their marriage, regain trust and love in the marriage and not giving up then visit Secrets To A Happy Marriage