I Can't Talk To My Husband About My Feelings (How To Discuss Relationship Problems Without Fighting)

Communication covers so many things that it seems impossible not to do, although there are more than a few who manage it. Communication seems to change when you get married, gone are those happy days when you could talk for hours about your hopes, dreams and putting the world to rights. Things seem to automatically become more serious, more grown up once you get married. Personally whilst I concede that whilst we all get older, you do not have to grow older. Communication is vital, it holds the two of you together, it helps you to share your lives, wants and needs. Communication lets your partner understand you and you them. If you do not communicate, how will you know your partners wants and needs, how will you be able to give the the help, support and comfort that they need. Without communication you have nothing to tie you together so you will drift apart. Learning how to communicate with your spouse is not always easy, but if you want your marriage to survive then you have to learn. If you can learn to talk freely and easily to one another about your cares and concerns then you can deal with anything.

You need to be able to understand your spouse. You have to know what are their wants and needs from the marriage. To do this you need to be able to go to areas where they could feel vulnerable and exposed. It might not be a particularly comfortable thing to do but the more that you can understand your spouse the more you can help them to grow, and the more your are able to give comfort and support. You are both in this, together, for the long term and to achieve a happy, loving and fulfilling marriage you have to be available for each other, if neither of you understands the other, what can you achieve?

Talking is all well and good, you can get you views across, make your case, but it is all a waste of time if neither of you listen to each other. Now actually listening to what someone is saying, being able to focus on the words is not easy because your mind is automatically working out how to respond. When your partner is speaking you need to listen, what they are saying is important to them so it should be important to you. Do not interrupt no matter how much you disagree with what is being said, if what is being said is critical of you then do not get defensive, wait until your partner has said their piece and then reply. Letting your partner speak uninterrupted shows not just respect for them, it also shows that you care for what is important to them. If you want to communicate with your spouse you need to be able to listen. Maintain eye contact with your partner and if you do not understand something the ask for clarification, or keep asking questions until you understand. There will be times when all you need to do is listen, when your partner needs to unburden themselves of something that is bothering them. A word of caution, do not let your attention wander when you are supposed to be listening, you might not even be aware that you are doing it but your body language will give you away, and your partner will not be amused.

Make sure that you talk to each other everyday about how your day went, any concerns or problems that you might have. You need to be able to share each others lives so keep each other in the loop, it is also good to hear a different perspective on your what has happened to you. You can talk about the day to day stuff anywhere but for the bigger stuff you really need some privacy, this means just the two of you, no phones, no T.V, so work out a time when you can both sit down and talk. This is not always easy with things like work commitments and kids to contend with, but if you want to deal with anything significant then you need no distractions.

Along with making time for talk, make sure that you can arrange some quality time together, this will help you to relax, lose some of that stress and enjoy others company. If you are off on a date and enjoying yourselves then you will find yourselves drawing closer. You two are the most important components of your marriage, you need to give yourself time to strengthen your bond.

You are both individuals and as individuals you have your own wants and needs and whether you like it or not, at some point they will clash. Now conflict might be unpleasant but it is no big deal, it is how you handle it that matters. You need to be rational and calm, so if emotions are running high then take a time out until you are both calmer. Take each issue one by one, and ignoring all the symptoms of the issue try and find a compromise that you are both happy with. Do not waste your time and demean yourselves by playing the blame game, or dredging up past grievances. What matters is the here and now and achieving a result that is good for the relationship. If you are unable to work out a compromise then create a new solution that deals with the problem.

Both of you will have opinions that you will disagree with. If you disagree then big deal, who cares. Just agree to disagree. You have to remember, difficult as it may be that your opinion might not be the only one that is right, you might even be wrong.

How to communicate with your spouse is how to build a strong, loving, fulfilling, happy, lasting marriage, I think that that is worth the occasional bit of discomfort. Treat each other with respect, do not name call or play the blame game. Let each other know that you love them and that you appreciate them. Realize that your opinion is not the only opinion and that you might even be in the wrong. If you have dome something wrong or in the heat of the moment said something hurtful, then take responsibility for you actions, apologize. Do not play the blame game, it is childish and a waste of time especially as the odds are that both of you will have had some input into whatever issue you are having to deal with. Let your partner know your wants and needs for the marriage so that they can help you to achieve them. Remember that you are both equal partners with an equal responsibility to make the marriage work. Do not look to create resentment by scoring points of your partner, instead look for ways to help them and strengthen your marriage. It might take some work, but the reward makes it more than worth it.

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