TRIALS OF A MODERN-DAY INITIATE

TRIALS OF A MODERN-DAY INITIATE

Does anyone want to be a hero?

You might wonder

What (the fuck) is an Initiate …?

Pretty much what it means is that you go through Hell (not knowing yourself)

And while you’re traversing your way around in the depths of the unknown (the Abyss)

You find Gold (parts of yourself)

And this Gold (each and every part of yourself) is a Portal (doorway)

Transporting you back to Wholeness (Heaven)

The Alchemist,

The Magician,

The Phoenix,

The Hero,

The Subconscious into Conscious,

Dark into Light,

The Path of The Warrior,

Dross into Gold,

You get it.

I tried my very best to get off what I used to perceive as this total nightmare of a path but all my attempts failed miserably only making matters even worse.

So, I decided to change my perspective.

We all contain both Good & Evil.

Odysseus & Gawain

“However noble these characters may appear, the audience discovers that both are still human.

Subconsciously, both characters discover their real identity while they consciously discover their destination.

The subtle discovery suggests that all mankind is at some point blind to the undeniable nature of men: no man is perfect.”

- gradesfixer.com (I was always a Cliff’s Note kind of girl)

There is a Cherokee Legend about Two Wolves.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me.” He said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you — and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

We discover ourselves through Alchemizing Pain.

Alchemize = Transmute

As human beings we are full of pain — this is called the Human Pain Body.

The more we go down in dimension & density, the more limited our perspective becomes. (Have you heard of “The Fall”?)

Because of our Limited Perspective, we make mistakes & this is what creates the pain body.

Pain body= Lead (The Moon, The Lunar Channel)

Alchemizing= Gold (The Sun, The Solar Channel)

By alchemizing our pain we turn lead into gold.

No one else can do this for you.

Initiations are trials where you face Demons (Pain),

Demons who live inside of you,

Demons born from your Unprocessed Emotions,

Emotions like Grief, Rage & Hatred.

These Emotions are born from Trauma

Ancestral Trauma, your own Karma.

These Initiations require Courage.

“You can do it like it’s a great weight on you or you can do it like it’s part of a dance.” — Ram Dass

Life is all about what you do with what happens to you.

Your grief is your love.

Feeling deeply is living deeply.

The greater pain you experience,

the greater opportunity you have

to deeply engage with Life.

Polarity is an Absolute.

“A lot of people who become really great Psychics in their life

grew up where they were constantly feeling attacked.

They grew up in households or in ways where they didn’t feel safe.

And so what happens is you develop this higher sensitivity.

You’re able to sense when someone is dangerous.”

- Gigi Young

One of the gifts that usually comes from experiencing extreme terror as a child is heightened sensitivity.

You learn early how to call on the Spirits because you have no one else around to help you. You learn how to pray and pray hard and pray fast and you learn when you do, you receive answers to those prayers. I’ve known I’ve had Angels with me since I was a little girl.

I did go through an Atheist stage (when I lived in LA, of course) when I scorned God and had thoughts like “there’s no way there’s a fucking God in this hellhole”. LA will do that to you.

And in my Dark Night I rejected my Angels, telling them to fuck off and leave me alone, that I wanted nothing more to do with them, that I had been pushed too far.

The Unseen Aspects of Our Consciousness are embodied by The Feminine.

My connection with the Spirit world is something innate inside of me, the Spirits and I, we go way back. The Spirits are my oldest friends, my ride or dies. No matter how many times I tell them to fuck off, they’re always there.

The Nature Spirits show up the strongest for me, and the Elementals. The Wind is one of my strongest allies, and the animal spirits. They are my family. They know me. Tears well up in my eyes as I type this and Wind herself is blowing through my window, caressing my face. We feel each other.

Part of this whole journey for me is definitely learning how to talk about this kind of thing with other people. Like, yeah, me and Wind, we’re best friends. People look at you weird, you know. Maybe it’s just something I have to become accustomed to. Looking weird, feeling weird, being weird. And feeling confident while in my weirdness. Like yeah, I’m weird, I know it, I own it. What’s up with you?

“Tell a wise person, or else keep silent,

because the mass man will mock it right away.

I praise what is truly alive,

what longs to be burned to death.

In the calm water of the love-nights,

where you were begotten, where you have begotten,

a strange feeling comes over you,

when you see the silent candle burning.

Now you are no longer caught

in the obsession with darkness,

and a desire for higher love-making

sweeps you upward.

Distance does not make you falter.

Now, arriving in magic, flying,

and finally, insane for the light,

you are the butterfly and you are gone.

And so long as you haven’t experienced

this: to die and so to grow,

you are only a troubled guest

on the dark earth.”

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I have faced extraordinary pain, pain I would have done anything to avoid feeling, much less share. Believe me I gave avoidance my all but it didn’t work. Things only kept getting worse. I’ve had a considerable amount of very low points.

Whenever I am feeling tired or full of doubt or like I’d rather die than share about this kind of thing, I think about all the kids out there. All those innocent kids who need more people to speak up and tell the truth so that we can create a better world for them. The kids keep me going. Justice is also a big thing for me. The Kids and Justice. These are my “why’s”. (It’s important to know why you do what you do.)

“What difference does it make what I call myself? Fancy it must be hard meeting your hero and seeing that he’s real and not a myth. What did you expect? Some Tyto Alba with gleaming armor and battle claws, the moon rising behind him? Well this is what it looks like when you’ve actually fought in battle. It’s not glorious, it’s not beautiful, it’s not even heroic.

It’s merely doing what’s right. And doing it again and again and again. Even if someday you look like this.”

- Legend of The Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole