Unwanted Advice: When Helpful Becomes Annoying

First of all, truly, thanks to Vocal Media, I can finally speak my heart out

Hey there, fellow writers and obviously readers! Have you ever thought how some people just can't resist offering their advice, even when you're clearly not looking for it? Yeah, I'm talking about free advice, the conversation killer.

Don't get me wrong, I value a nice conversation and real concern from friends and relatives. But there's a difference between being helpful and being, well, annoying. And let's be real, we've all been through this free advice at some point in our lives.

It starts with a simple question. Someone asks, "Hey, what's wrong?" and you, being honest, tell them your problem, or sometimes you just simply say, “nothing’s wrong, I’m just a bit down,” but they launch into a full-blown lecture on how you should be living your life, providing examples from their own lives and a healthy dose of "you should try this."

I recall this one instance (among many) where I was enjoying myself at this get-together when a well-meaning loved one felt compelled to provide their opinion. They're like, "Hey, you should do this and that...'' and then proceeded to tell me all about their own experience. I'm nodding along, making supportive noises, thinking' to myself, "sure, sure, I got it. But what about my own thing? My own situation and wishes that are totally unique to me and my circumstances?"

These uninvited amateur psychologists, marriage mentors, financial advisors, health experts, and whatnot serve up unwanted advice, even though I've never asked for or needed a guidebook for living my life. Here's a friendly tip: Maturity and wisdom are not always directly correlated.

Sometimes I feel these advice-givers, who think they're being helpful, are really just projecting their own fears and anxieties onto you. You know, the ones who say things like, "It's the right time" (you know what I mean🤔, or maybe you don't?😉).

Look, I'm not saying I have all the answers or that I’m perfect at handling my problems and trust me no one is. But I think that sometimes the best way to help someone is to simply listen to them. No advice, no lectures, no "you should try this and that".

To all the advice-givers out there, I have a tiny request. Please, for the love of all things good, ask before you offer your advice. And if we say no, respect that. Trust us, we'll let you know if we need your help.

My Thoughts on Handling Unwanted Advice

The most practical approach is to obviously be direct about it. You could just say “I'm in a sharing mood, so I’m not seeking advice” but this might offend the advice giver. So a more polite way could be “I just can’t think of anything right now so let’s focus on something else.

However, let’s be honest, some of us are so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. As a result, we struggle to be direct, no matter how polite we try to be. This reminds me of a quote I read somewhere.

Now you might be wondering: how does this quote relate to dealing with unsolicited advice? Well, it’s got a magic formula. Think of unwanted advice as junk mail. However, unlike junk mail (spam), unwanted advice never gets trashed on its own. You need to clear it out as soon as possible; otherwise, just like email storage space, it can clutter up inside you and hold you back. So, go ahead and hit the 'delete' button and believe me your mind and your heart will thank you!

If this speaks to you, drop a❤️. And if you're feeling extra generous, a tip would be the cherry on top. Thanks a bunch!