Toxic Positivity - The Pressure of Being Happy All The Time.

I appear to me in my “thinking deeply about social media” era, I wrote an article about “busy culture” and how social media always feels like it needs to be curated and not candid and that got me thinking about my next thought, how positivity can become toxic and more harm than good.

Seeing people “living their best lives” and never looking stressed or chaotic or overwhelmed or sad, tells people that it’s not normal to have, and definitely not okay to express those feelings.

Especially falling into the world of mindfulness, meditation, manifestation, I’ve noticed that this can be a particularly difficult thing to process, it’s a world of “want to be happy? Then just be happy” and realism falls to the wayside.

It’s so strongly about routine and perfection and it’s so difficult to maintain, sometimes you wake up sick or you need to rush out and prioritise other things and yes, if you really tried, you could make time, but sometimes, that’s not what is truly best for you and you know it, but the toxic positivity culture that we’re used to, tells us otherwise, so despite our own knowledge, we push through and post a happy post, or force ourselves into an hour of meditation that just brings about more thoughts that we feel we aren’t able to process.

But, I’ve started to realise, True positivity is giving yourself grace to know what you truly need and not looking for answers on a ‘perfect’ instagram feed.

The influencers I follow and the books I read now, acknowledge hardships and cry on their stories from time to time and acknowledge that outside influences can affect our moods and lives, acknowledging that it’s not about never feeling sad or finding it difficult to be grateful, it’s about how we show up afterwards.

For example, I have been feeling poorly lately and it’s taking a long time to find out what the issue is, I’m not exuding happiness about not being able to do all the things I want to and I’m not smiling everyday through the pain and I have bad times where I hate the situation and get jealous seeing my friends going to events that I want to be attending.

But I let myself sit in those feelings, then later once I’ve expressed the negative, I can more clearly see the positive, such as being grateful to have a safe home and access to healthcare, and genuinely feel it, whereas if I was to wake up in the morning, feeling negative and say to the mirror “life is awesome” without truly feeling it, it may work for the day or a few hours, the same with the next problem and the next, until the weight of it crushes me and I realise that I’ve not actually dealt with real problems.

I honestly feel like forcing yourself to be happy means that you’re more likely to not deal with any real problems that may arise, some people benefit greatly from therapy, but don’t attend because talking about your problems is “dangerous” and exploring feeling bad will “only make you feel bad for longer” and with medical issues, I know that I thought that if I kept looking into issues it would make me focus on illness and get worse, but it’s actually helped me to be careful not to make things worse.

The most positive thing a person can do for themselves is to truly take care of themselves in each stage and situation of their lives. Then that’s when you find the motivation to make your life better and more fulfilling. I know that if I didn’t have a good cry and feel sad about things, I wouldn’t be as genuinely happy in the good times.

I think false gratitude and false practise is the worst thing for a positive life, I don’t meditate or practice yoga when my mind or body can’t take it and I don’t say I’m grateful for things superficially and it’s honestly been the biggest improvement in bringing consistency to my life.

One part of manifestation is being grateful for even the most difficult things in your life and until I was genuinely in a mindset to do that, I couldn’t do it, we’re all on differing paths and at different stages in our own journey, and realising that has been a saviour.

I’m not saying this needs to apply to manifesting or living a spiritual life of any kind, but allowing yourself to feel your own emotions and not saying you feel a certain way because “@randominfluncer” says you should, is life changing. You may not share your feelings on social media anyway, but if you’re ever sat down, in yesterday’s outfit, crying about the past, with mess piling up around you, remember that everyone’s life has looked like that at one time or another.

I’m also not saying that pushing yourself is a bad thing, it’s fine to wake up feeling anxious or a little tired or under the weather, but still showing up for your responsibilities and being fine for the day, but at least, give yourself a pat on the back and a bit of respect for doing your best, then feel sorry for yourself, if that’s what you need.

I only ever speak from my own experiences and know that every single person is different, so no disrespect to anyone is ever intended, I just really appreciate and respect honesty and kindness, in a world that definitely needs more of those things.

Take care, stayed tuned, H x