Toxic People Toxic Relationships
Sometimes You Have To Let Go
What is a toxic person? A toxic person is anyone who adds negativity to your life by things they do or say. Sometimes toxic people can be the people you would least expect. It can be someone you consider a friend, or it can be a relative. It could even be one or both of your parents.
I have had more than my fair share of toxic people in my life. If you don't know someone who is toxic, consider yourself extremely lucky. Toxic people will make you angry. They will demean you. Saying things that hurt your feelings and make you feel bad about yourself.
These people have the label "toxic" for a reason. Anything toxic acts like a poison in your body. Toxic people are no different. They are poisonous to you. They will drain your energy like a vampire and make you feel sad or depressed when you are around them.
Toxic relationships with toxic people are especially bad. Dr. Lillian Glass introduced the term "toxic people" in her bestseller TOXIC PEOPLE. She identifies toxic relationships as "any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”
Even though it's no excuse for their behavior, toxic people often come from a situation that has exposed them to trauma in the past. Also, a toxic person might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or “dark core” characteristics. They are best left alone, however, sometimes they are family members. When you must deal with them, there are some things you can do to make it easier for you.
Limit the time you spend with them, avoid their drama, and realize that you are not responsible for fixing their problems. Most importantly, you should not feel guilty about putting your emotional needs first.
According to Dr. Kristen Fuller, a mental health specialist in California, “Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing.” She continues by saying, “They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder, such as depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, any form of trauma.”
Sometimes, you are simply with someone sarcastic or competing for control in the relationship. Because toxic relationships are harmful to you emotionally and physically, it is critical to identify them. It's better to cut and run than stick it out when you find yourself in a toxic relationship.
Psychcentral.com has a list of ways to identify toxic people around you. This is what they say:
"Recognizing a “toxic person” may be more about identifying how they make you feel rather than what they do or say."
"If you’re interacting with a person with toxic behaviors, you may:
1. feel confused and unsure of yourself
2. leave the interaction feeling drained, angry, or full of anxiety
3. feel bad about yourself in some way
4. continually feel the need to help them
5. notice that your boundaries aren’t being respected or you’re being manipulated
6. experience guilt for saying “no” or feel they won’t take “no” for a final answer
7. feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” around them
8. frequently change your behavior to adapt"
Psychcentral.com goes on to say:
"People who tend to have toxic behaviors might not be easy to spot. But aside from noting how they make you feel, there are a few signs to look for that indicate a person may be toxic.
These signs include the following:
1. Drama may follow them everywhere they go, and their life may seem to have the storyline of a TV soap opera.
2. They can be masters of manipulation, yet you might not notice this until you witness them doing it to someone else.
3. They might constantly judge others, including you.
4. Their neediness may be suffocating, yet when you need them, they disappear.
5. They may not see themselves as the problem — it may be everyone else’s fault.
Or, in the case of toxic positivity, they may be so positive about everything, they refuse to admit when challenges genuinely exist."
If you are involved with a toxic person, make sure to protect yourself.
1. Limit the time you spend with them
2. Avoid their drama
3. Realize that you are not responsible for fixing their problems.
4. You should not feel guilty about putting your emotional needs first.
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About the Creator
Susan F Weimer
I live in a rural area in upstate New York with my fiancé and three dogs. Mine is a simple life filled with simple pleasures.
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