This is Why Men go Cold on You And What You Should do

It was 6 pm on a cold turkey Sunday evening. I was so excited we were finally going on a date.

My hair was ready. Jumpsuit ironed and starched. I wanted to make a lasting impression, so I took the extra care to lighten my lips to look more pinkish and shave my legs.

My legs get sweaty when I’m nervous because of the hairs, and I dn’t want that.

We’ve been putting off this date because we are both busy. So he flew in from Florida in the afternoon with his assistant to see me.

“Assistant?

You heard right. The sexy 6.3ft blonde who takes all his phone calls, including mine. Some days anyway.

Can you imagine? Who does that?

She’s got an accent just like him. He’s from Australia but highly influential in the States. Could it be the ascent he likes about her? Or is she good at her job?

Either way, I’m not comfortable having her around him, especially when he’s here to see me.

I haven’t seen her in person, but she’s everywhere on his profile. Surely, there must be something going on between them, right?

I’m getting cranky again. I shouldn’t. I mean, I should be focused on how to put on a “wow” performance that knocks her off.

Whatever it is between them has to end. She cannot be my rival.

“Oh! Get a grip, gal. You’ve got this.”

As expected. He is damn too good-looking.

“In what universe have you been.”

“What?”

Holy crap! I must have said that out loud, and he heard me.

Oh god!

“You said something. I didn’t quite catch that.”

“Did I?” {feigns ignorant} Does he think I’m about to gush over him, right now? I can barely sit straight.

I have been intimated by his photos and during video calls. Seeing him in the flesh, right in front of me, is a whole new game. “This guy is tight!”

He smiled. I blushed even more. I could feel my cheeks burn.

“You said something again.”

“What?”

“You said something, and then you grinned at me.”

“Oh! I smiled because you were smiling in my direction.”

“Your direction?” He laughs out this time.

Oh my God! I feel like I’m looking at an angel. But I’m also embarrassed. His teeth sparkled in between dents, making his face more seductive than I remember.

I’m losing my cool. I can’t hold my excitement any longer. One more flip, I’m doomed.

Come on! Think! Think! Think!

“How was your flight?” I heard my voice say at last. Not bad, but a save I needed.

“Great. It’s nice to finally meet your acquaintance. You are taller than I had imagined.”

“Really? I’m still short compared to you, though. Is height a preference for you?”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to bend to kiss my bride?”

We both laughed. He’s cute and cocky in a funny way. Perfect!

We ordered a four-course meal. And spent the rest of the evening gisting and laughing to our amusement. He was the most romantic man ever.

And when he kissed me good night, I knew I was hooked for life. At least, that was how I felt.

It’s been a long time I felt an adrenaline rush, and I was savoring every minute of it.

We shared a lot in common. We like wearing corporate outfits, same colors. We both have a bad habit of speaking to ourselves unconsciously.

We tease a lot, and we prefer to eat cereals for breakfast with fruits.

I hardly click with someone so quickly. It was as if he was half of me. We both love each other’s company.

He had only been in town for six days, yet it felt like we’ve known each other forever. I dn’t want to stop feeling this way.

We didn’t care about work or family, just us. Lying in each other’s arms. Doing things together, sharing our fears and dreams felt refreshing.

“Do you have to go back?”

“I should…”

He wanted to say something, but he paused and looked at me.

Tears rolled down my cheek. He leaned closer and kissed my chin. A hot flush of sensation swept through my entire body.

What’s happening to me?

“I will be back. Please don’t…”

“When?” I cut him off before he could finish.

He let’s out a heavy breath. Starring into my eyes as if he was reading my mind.

“Whenever you want me to.”

That was the first lie he told me. And that was when I knew the drama was about to end.

He called as soon as he got home, but the call was longer as if we could break the barrier between us if we don’t end the call.

We stayed on a video call in the morning, eating our breakfast and getting dressed until we were ready to leave the house.

It was beautiful to start my day with him. We were acting like two love birds until we weren’t.

It’s been two weeks. I haven’t heard from him. Nor has he replied to my text.

He has been off on all his social accounts too. No comments on my photos, and he hasn’t uploaded a single photo which is unlike him.

What happened?

I’m shocked as much as you. Guys like doing this. They get all cozy and available, then suddenly off the switch.

Silence is all you hear. Ghosting?

That’s right; they ghost you. Flat out radio silent.

You are left wondering what you did, what you said. What you shouldn’t have said or what you should have done differently.

To make matters worst, you think they are probably hurting because of what you did.

Guys think it makes them sexy to go cold on women. They intentionally create a distance to get a woman desperate for their attention.

This may not be true for everyone. Some guys actually ghost you if they don’t find you as attractive as you think.

But here, let’s pretend we are dealing with guys who are into you but suddenly stop taking your calls or replying your text and chats.

Those that act emotionally blocked when deep down they can’t resist you.

Why did he suddenly cut you off?

Poor emotional maturity is one reason guys go cold on women they are attracted to.

Women are very upfront with what they want from a man before they enter a relationship. When you’ve made him a goal in your mind, guys can get scared and chicken out.

Guys can sense if a woman thinks he’s a catch. And if he is not emotionally prepared to devote his time and attention to please you, he will off the switch out of respect for you.

I know it sounds achy, but men think silence is best for responding to situations that may lead to aggression.

So when a guy ghosts you, it is mostly because he doesn’t want to admit to himself that he will hurt you (if he isn’t that into you), or he doesn’t want to commit to you.

Either way, he’s decision will likely disappoint you, so he will prefer not to tell you how he feels to avoid answering the million-dollar question most women ask when they get dumped — why?

Of course, she will want to know why you are not accepting your feeling for her? Why she isn’t worthy of your commitment? Why you would rather breakup with her than show her how much you care?

It’s normal for one to be curious when their attraction isn’t reciprocated. If you are going to breakup with someone, it’s logical to give him/her a reason for your decision.

But men are no fools. They know our why have children and grandchildren, and they hate being but on the hot seat of answering our many whys.

So instead of asking why he ghosted you, ask what?

Ask yourself what can you do to get him to accept his feeling for you? What can you do to improve his emotional maturity?

However, what you do should make him feel comfortable with being himself around you.

I know most women have their expectations of men, but taking things slow till you two are comfortable with your flaws can boost a man’s confidence in you.

When the guy I was crushing on ghosted me, the first thing I did was send a sarcastic text.

Here’s the exact script:

“Hey! I heard Vikings were adopting aliens for an apparent war breakout in illusions mountain. Will you be joining them, or will you be hitching a ride with Santa?”

He didn’t reply. Some days later, I sent a second text:

“I hear there is a ‘don’t look don’t touch’ flu going round. I thought I should warn you too?” Closed with a scary emoji.

My aim was to act unbothered despite the silence killing me. If he’s afraid to commit, then he will respond with curiosity.

Your text should ignite confusion, so he would want to know what you are talking about.

For me, this was the reply I got three days later from his social account.

“[Laugh emoji] I heard that too. I will go with Santa. I’d love making the world happy. How are you?”

If he does reply, it’s a sign he wants nothing deep with you at least not as soon as you expected. So it will be advisable to keep your relationship with him platonic as you work on deflating his ego.

Emotions are a big deal for guys. You have to give him time to relinquish his insecurities before he can accept his feeling for you.

But don’t suppress who you are to impress him. High confident women know what they bring to the table. They don’t wear masks to attract a man.

And men can tell when a woman is pretentious and pull away. Your genuine interest can be seen in how you speak and what you do.

If he still doesn’t get back to you after a couple of texts, let him go. The last thing you want is to prove his suspicion that you are clingy or desperate. That will put him further away from you.

This article was first published on Medium