Thirty-Six

At thirty-six, I've realized something important: life doesn't stop teaching you.

In fact, some of the most valuable lessons aren't the ones you learn in classrooms, books, or seminars. They're the ones life quietly, persistently, and sometimes painfully humbles you into understanding.

I used to think wisdom came from having all the answers. Now I think it comes from surviving enough chapters to realize how little certainty any of us really have.

And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that life has a way of changing the script just when you think you've figured it out.

Life Will Ask You to Start Over More Than Once

There was a time when I thought I had everything mapped out.

I used to believe that if I worked hard enough, planned carefully enough, and made the right decisions, life would follow a predictable path.

It didn't, of course.

Just when I thought I had things figured out, life changed. Relationships ended. Plans unraveled. Opportunities disappeared. New challenges arrived without warning.

At first, every restart felt like failure.

Now I see it differently.

Starting over isn't evidence that you're lost. Sometimes it's proof that you're growing into someone new. Looking back, I'm grateful for every version of myself that survived those transitions, even the versions that felt broken at the time.

Growth Isn't Just Learning—It's Unlearning

When we're young, we often think growth means adding more.

More knowledge.

More skills.

More accomplishments.

But some of the deepest growth I've experienced came from letting things go.

I've had to unlearn beliefs and mindsets that no longer served me. I've had to release habits I once defended. I've had to stop carrying expectations, pressures, and identities that felt necessary but were actually weighing me down.

Not everything you've learned deserves a permanent place in your life.

Sometimes growth means recognizing what no longer belongs.

Not Everyone Is Meant to Stay

One of the hardest truths adulthood teaches is that not every relationship is meant to last forever.

Some people are only meant to walk with us through certain seasons.

For a long time, I viewed endings as losses. Now I understand that every connection serves a purpose, even if it's temporary. I'm grateful for that awareness, and I'm grateful for what people were to me at certain times in my life.

As I've gotten older, my circle has become smaller.

But it's also become more genuine.

The people who remain are the ones who show up consistently, celebrate your growth, tell you the truth in love, and stay when life isn't convenient. They refresh you, encourage you, and maybe most importantly - they are emotionally mature enough to have open conversations with you when you disagree on things.

I've learned that meaningful relationships matter far more than having a large number of people around you.

Depth will always outweigh quantity.

Sometimes Things Really Do Fall Apart for a Reason

"Everything happens for a reason" can sound cliché until life gives you enough perspective to see it. I personally believe that with every door that God closes in your life, a better one gets opened. So far, that has happened in my life. Some things had to fall apart for others to come together.

Sometimes, disappointment feels unfair. Closed doors feel personal. Heartbreak feels permanent.

But when enough years pass, you begin connecting dots you couldn't see while you were living through them.

Some opportunities had to disappear because they weren't aligned with where you were headed.

Some relationships had to end because they couldn't grow with the person you were becoming. Priorities shifted. Beliefs changed.

Some plans had to collapse because something better needed room to emerge.

What felt like destruction was often redirection.

Not Every Plan Is Supposed to Work

One of the greatest sources of suffering is the belief that life should unfold according to our timeline.

I've learned that some plans fail no matter how much effort we put into them.

And that's okay.

A closed door isn't always rejection.

Sometimes it's protection.

Sometimes it's preparation.

And sometimes it's simply life making space for a path we never would have chosen ourselves—but eventually become grateful for.

Life can still become beautiful even when it looks completely different from what you imagined.

You Are Allowed to Outgrow Your Dreams

This lesson surprised me, and confirmed a lot of things for me.

For years, I believed that changing your mind meant giving up. That I had no clear direction or true ambition.

Now I see it as growth.

The dreams you had at twenty may not fit the person you become at thirty-six.

The goals that once excited you may no longer align with your values.

That's not failure.

That's evolution.

Growth changes what matters to us. If you were the same person today as you were 15, even 10 years ago - did you truly grow? Did you truly ever challenge yourself for the better?

You're allowed to grow.

You're allowed to change your mind.

You're allowed to pursue different things.

You're allowed to want different things.

You're allowed to become someone your younger self never expected.

Confidence Becomes Quieter

When I was younger, confidence looked loud.

It looked like proving something.

It looked like having answers.

It looked like seeking validation.

As I've gotten older, confidence has become much quieter.

It feels less like performance and more like peace.

It's being comfortable with who I am without needing everyone else to agree. It's the quiet strength, confidence, and self-assuredness that I can rest easy in every single day. I'm a child of God first and foremost, and that has given me my innate sense of worth.

It's this knowing of my worth without constantly announcing it that my confidence stems from.

It's understanding that not every criticism requires a defense and not every success requires an audience.

True confidence isn't about being the loudest person in the room.

It's about being comfortable in your own skin.

You Can Feel Completely Lost and Still Find Your Way

There have been moments when I genuinely believed I wouldn't find my way through.

Moments when the future felt unclear.

Moments when I couldn't see a solution.

Moments when I questioned everything.

Yet somehow, every time, life kept moving.

I kept moving.

And eventually, clarity returned.

I've learned that feeling lost doesn't mean you're permanently stuck.

Sometimes it's simply part of the journey.

You don't always need to see the entire path.

Sometimes you only need enough faith to take the next step.

The Simple Things Start Meaning More

As we get older, our definition of a good time often changes.

What once felt exciting may begin to feel exhausting.

What once seemed ordinary becomes meaningful.

These days, fulfillment often looks surprisingly simple:

A quiet morning with coffee.

A walk without distractions.

Time with family.

A good book.

A peaceful evening at home.

Deep conversations.

Moments of gratitude.

The older I get, the more I realize happiness isn't always found in extraordinary experiences.

More often, it's hidden inside ordinary moments we once overlooked. The art of noticing is a powerful and beautiful thing.

The Greatest Barrier to Growth Is Attachment to Who You've Been

Perhaps the most important lesson life has taught me is this:

Many people never become who they want to be because they're too attached to who they've always been.

We've all heard it.

"That's just how I am."

"I've always been this way."

But here's the question:

How has always being this way actually served you?

If the same attitudes continue damaging relationships, delaying growth, creating conflict, fostering inconsistency, or preventing maturity, why defend them so fiercely?

Growth requires identity shifts.

It requires flexibility.

It demands the courage to question yourself.

You can't genuinely ask life for change while protecting the behaviors producing the same results.

Transformation is uncomfortable because it asks us to let go of parts of ourselves we've grown attached to.

Not everybody who challenges you is attacking your personality.

Sometimes they're confronting the very thing holding you back.

Maturity begins when you can say:

"You know what? They're right. I do need to work on that."

The people who grow the most aren't usually the ones who defend themselves best.

They're the ones willing to reflect on themselves honestly.

The Question We All Need to Ask

At thirty-six, I don't have every single thing in my life truly planned out.

In many ways, life still humbles me every single day.

But I've learned enough to know that growth isn't automatic.

Time alone doesn't change us.

Years alone don't transform us.

We have to participate in our own evolution.

And maybe that's the question worth asking:

If you haven't changed in the last 10 - 15 years, are you protecting your identity—or stifling your growth?

Because becoming the person you're meant to be often begins with letting go of the person you've outgrown.

Stay open-minded, notice the little things, keep healthy and loving relationships close. Never stop challenging yourself to grow, reflect on moments, and let life provide you with a little bit of humility along the way. ~