things to stop doing in 2023

i. stop stifling parts of yourself to please other people. there are many sides to you: you are passive and sensitive, passionate and noisy, inquisitive and naive. you deserve to be loved for every part of you, the good and the ugly, fully and honestly.

ii. stop pouring your heart and soul into people who don't care. you can care so deeply that it swallows you whole, even if you aren't being cared about in return. it's a shame, really. you can care so deeply about people who don't want your affections, and we can't force anyone to care in return.

iii. stop putting yourself down. you deserve to be loved, by others and by yourself, regardless of how imperfect you are.

iv. stop conforming. maybe one day in the past, we thought looking and acting like everyone else was the only way to get by. you are not like everyone else, and this is nothing to be ashamed of. at some point, life becomes too short to live for anyone but ourselves.

v. stop comparing yourself to others. maybe you're not as outgoing, or pretty, or successful as somebody else - but who's keeping track? all of your stories play out differently, and there's no right or wrong way to grow older. our stories, different as they may be, are no less valid as someone who's further along.

vi. stop allowing yourself to be mistreated. you deserve to be heard, validated, understood, especially by those who love you the most. we are not loved by people who treat us badly. in the past, i would have argued that we were.

vii. stop punishing yourself for eating or sleeping or not being "productive". sometimes, it might take all of your energy just to get out of bed. sometimes, you eat or sleep to bring yourself some comfort - and despite feeling guilty for this, your life is just as valid as anyone else's. you are a houseplant: some days you bloom in the sun, and others, you feel weary and tired, and all of the while, everyone around you basks in your growth.

viii. stop worrying about the opinions of others. your life is yours to live: not mine, not a stranger's, not a friend's. most of us are so caught up in our own lives that we are far too busy to worry about anyone else - and those that judge ours are far too busy avoiding their own.

ix. stop caring about gender norms. society has spent far too much time concerned with the idea of boys being boys, and girls being girls. in the end, it doesn't matter if a boy likes ballet or a girl likes monster trucks. we need to stop pretending it does.

x. stop taking on too much. life is a flurry of responsibility, and there's too little time to spend with yourself. make time. there is nothing in the world that means more than our mental health: not work, not friends, not dating. sometimes, it's nice to be there for others. sometimes, it's far more important to be there for yourself.

xi. stop believing what you see on social media. nobody in the world wants to be seen as imperfect - and so we overcompensate by making ourselves seen perfectly put together. the truth is that nobody has it all together. you don't have to, either.

xii. stop making your trauma responses other people's responsibilities. it is not the world's job to tiptoe around you. although sometimes, our triggers are validated, they aren't the responsibility of other people.

xiii. stop thinking weight equates to worth. our bodies fluctuate in size over the years. the media expects women to be slim and curvy: men to be tall and muscular, and this isn't realistic. like flowers, bodies come in all sorts of sizes, colours, and shapes. every single one of these shapes and colours is beautiful.

xiv. stop feeling guilty for enforcing boundaries. we are allowed to say no, to refuse a task that makes us feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed, to stand up for ourselves when we feel disrespected. we are allowed to leave people behind who no longer make us feel safe or happy, or who disrespect our boundaries. we are allowed to put ourselves first, even if this hurts somebody else's feelings.

xv. stop ignoring what children have to say. even the youngest of humans have voices that need to be heard, and we must help them learn how to speak up.

xvi. stop expecting yourself to be perfect. you don't expect this of the ones you love. why, then, do you expect it of yourself?

xvii. stop judging yourself for your past. then isn't now. as humans, we come with pasts and histories, mistakes, baggage, and this doesn't make us any less of a person. sometimes, a careless mistake changes your whole life - but we learn from these mistakes, and we grow and mature with age.

xviii. stop thinking you can fix other people. we want so badly to save other people: to hear them, to solve all their problems. the trouble is that sometimes, people don't want to be saved. we can pour our heart and soul into the most dangerous of people, to watch yourself unravel at the end, and realize that you couldn't really fix anyone at all.