The Trouble With Not Respecting Womanhood

Dear Men: are you having trouble finding a good woman? Here's what you're doing wrong.

The Trouble With Not Respecting Womanhood

Let's face it: dating is hard. Since the advent of social media and instant gratification, however, finding a mate that stays interested in you for more than five minutes, much less for a lifetime, seems to have become close to impossible.

I've noticed that society has been inundated with images of overt sexuality in recent years, and this has effectively shifted the plateau of acceptable behaviors in dating and courtship. Honestly, do those things -- stuff like picking your date up at a specific time, bringing small gifts, and actually spending time in one another's presence in spaces where the atmosphere is anything but conducive to getting laid -- even exist anymore?

While I can't honestly measure if men have it easier than women in the dating arena, I must admit that I've witnessed more than my fair share of men who seem to have no respect for women (or of femininity) trying to make moves on their intended marks...often with disastrous results.

Even I have been the target of insincere flattery and more than a few guys' attempts to lure me into their beds -- and I'm not someone who gets hit on regularly! I can't tell you how many times I've walked past a guy and said hello to him out of courtesy, just to get a response of "yo, shawty, can I get them digits?" Or even worse: "So, when are you going to let me pop that cherry?"

Guys who make such lecherous comments to women they don't know are not only a major turnoff to most women...they show an egregious lack of respect for womanhood and all things associated with women.

First and foremost, guys need to get it through their craniums that women are not on-demand sex objects. No self-respecting female is going to hear comments referring to their bodies or what the dude thinks her capabilities in bed are and interpret them as a positive thing. That's the quickest way to get rejected. Period. Guys...although we understand that you are visual creatures and may find certain aesthetic traits irresistible to look at, please stop viewing us as your next semen dumping ground.

Women don't attach to people through the physical medium as much as we do through the mental, emotional and intellectual ones. It is insulting that, if one chooses to engage in a sexual encounter for her own reasons, many of you will call her a slut; and if she rejects your offer for any reason, she is a bitch. Again, your chauvinism is showing. How do you expect to get a decent partner when female-slanted slurs are constantly falling off your tongue?

Another phenomenon I've noticed is a spike in hypermasculinity. Some of you have embraced the belief that catering to, and taking care of, your woman is somehow emasculating. Let me remind you of a mantra your fathers and grandfathers used to live by: "happy wife, happy life." Even if you are not married, if you are in a relationship, it is imperative that you cherish the privilege of being with your lady. Many of you expect prepared meals, sex whenever you like, a clean house and for her to bend over backward to fulfill your every request. However, media has created a dichotomy in your mind that taking your girl out on dates, giving massages, showering her with gifts and participating in engaging conversations is beneath a man. Stop buying the manure your friends and today's rap culture is feeding you! Your boys might not always be there for you when you're in a scrape, but if you treat your woman right, she will be.

The biggest mistake that men make, however, is assuming that any random female that crosses his path is, and should be, automatically attracted to and interested in him. More often than not, this is absolutely not the case. Not every woman out there is single or even straight, and even if they are, that does not mean they have the time or patience to deal with your particular brand of shenanigans. No means no, no matter who the rejection comes from.

If you constantly put down women, label traits that women greatly desire in men (like sensitivity and empathy) as "weak", or can't approach one without something sexual coming out of your do not possess even a single shred of respect for womanhood and hardly deserve a good one at your side. Before chasing any more females, you might need to check yourself -- because sometimes, it's not them; it's YOU. And one more piece of advice: remember, you are, and will always be, connected to women -- through your mothers, your sisters, your nieces, your daughters. Would you want another man disrespecting the ladies you hold dear?

No? Then change.

Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Raven Aurora

Poet. Swirler. Proud melanated being. Demisexual. Healing myself and others through a genuine exploration of societal norms, spirituality, and metaphysics is my purpose. 

See all posts by Raven Aurora