The Non-Believer

This is a bit of a long one, so apologies in advance. But I thought the build up was necessary to emphasise how disastrous this date was for my soul.

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Not going to lie, I've been pretty fortunate when it comes to dates. Having said that, most of my past relationships have come about through friendship. An accidental fling that turns into more because we already care for each other.

I have only been on around four dates with someone I do not know. Yeah, I count myself lucky.

One of these was a good date, but we decided to just be friends. There was no attraction either side. I'm a very honest person (sometimes it's my downfall), but I do not see the point in leading someone on if you already know there is no future in it. Happily for me, this guy was pretty cool and agreed with me. We talk very occasionally still to this day.

Another was, at the time, the best first date I'd thought could be possible. I had met him via my friend. She'd used my phone to text him on a night out and we carried the conversation on for a week. I asked him out, which he was surprised by. What can I say, I want something, I ask for it. He accepted and we went for a drink that night. I was quite a shy person back then so was pleasantly surprised that the conversation flowed all night. Neither of us wanted the date to end, and we dated for five years after that. #Success!

The most recent first date I went on was a blast. I wasn't nervous and to be honest I wasn't looking for anything all that serious so didn't really mind if it was a bust. But we got on great, the drinks and the laughs kept coming until I had to leave. We planned to meet again but he had to leave the country for work. That was the end of that.

Now, #MyWorstDate. I am sure it will come as no shock that this story starts out with Tinder. I've never actually actively looked for a relationship. I was either in one, or purposefully alone. I'm not one to hanker for things I don't have, not a grass is greener kinda girl. If I'm single, it's because I'm working on myself and striving towards achieving my goals. If I'm with someone, it's because those goals collided with someone else's and we work together.

With that being said, I was very single and a big drinker. When once at the pub my friends thought it would be fun to download Tinder on my phone and start swiping for me. I'd always swore off it as, like I said, if I'm single I want it that way. And I don't want to materialise the ways I meet people.

I am actually blessed my job takes me all over the world and therefore I meet countless people all from different cultures and backgrounds. It's real for me. Accidentally meeting people you feel were meant to be in your life is my favourite. I'd much rather use the line "we met challenging each other to a game of pool in a bar in Alaska," or "we met on a hike to the Hollywood sign in LA," or "we met in an airport on our way to Zurich," to "we spoke on tinder for a while then decided why not?"

I've also never had a one night stand, and have no want to tick that box either. I do not judge people who do or even think bad of it, I just don't like the thought of waking up in the morning in a stranger's bed having had an "OK" experience. I'd rather have had a banging night with my friends, possibly made a fool out of myself in some way, got into bed (alone) at the end of it, devoured whatever treats I have lurking in my room, and watch a few too many episodes of Sunny. That's just how I roll. I work better solo.

So if I didn't want a casual fling, and I was happy being single, I really had no use for Tinder. But I kept it there—just in case. I didn't use it for a good two years. It stayed on my phone in the file filled with things I "might one day use" but never do.

Skip forward two years and I'm living my best life in Hong Kong. A new job with new faces and new places. I was having a blast. Three months prior to this I'd been broken up with by what I thought at the time was the love of my life. I was a shell of who I was before I met him, but I was surviving.

My team was made up of six girls including me. So naturally, the topic of men was quite the favourite. Two were happy in stable relationships, one was in a destructive relationship and very unhappy, one was secretly unhappily single, one a man hater. And me, a happily single human. The variety in positions caused for many debates on how men should be, what women deserve, etc.

I very rarely agreed with any of them. Yes, I'd been destroyed by my last partner, but that did not make all men bad. And I also knew who he did the dirty with, and she knew me. So my argument was: women are just as bad. Women strive for equality yet don't hold their hands up when their actions are the same as men. I'd been hurt by these two people more than I could ever express, but that didn't mean I hated all mankind. I trusted less, that's for sure, but I was not bitter.

The eldest of the group decided she'd try her luck in dating in a new country. So she downloaded what she called "The Tinder." From then on we referred to it as "The Big T" and had many a funny story to share. I reopened the app, just for fun. But even if I started talking to someone it would fizzle out within a few days as I just wasn't interested.

Then one guy caught my interest. He was attractive in a Clark Kent kind of way; intelligence attracts me far more than muscles. Obviously this was an assumption from looking through his photos, but I decided to swipe anyway. We started talking and immediately got on. He had good banter and witty responses, he made me actually laugh out loud.

This went on for a week or so (maybe less, can't remember) before I thought we should meet in person. Luckily for me Hong Kong has a great night life! One evening the girls were going out for cocktails so I decided to arrange to meet this guy that night so that if I wasn't feeling him I could ditch and meet up with the girls—a night not wasted! Life is short after all. He agreed so we planned where and when.

I was fairly nervous as it was my first ever date meeting someone from online, and also the first date I'd had in a long, long time. I didn't dress up too much, as that's not my character. I'd be lying to myself and to him if I turned up dressed to the nines when in reality I'm pretty much always a four. I put as much effort in as I would if I were meeting the girls, which I was already planning on on my way to meet him. I just didn't feel right.

Calming myself down I recalled that he was originally from America and I'd spent quite a bit of time there over the past few years, and two of my previous relationships were American guys, so at least we'd have have something to fall back on if conversation got tough.

Walking out of the train station he was already there waiting for me. Being brutally honest, I felt nothing. Not excitement or curiosity or even mild interest. He was quite a bit shorter than me, which I know a lot of women don't like. My ex was shorter than me, and though it wasn't ideal when I wanted to wear heels, it did not make him any less of a person. So that didn't bother me.

I kicked myself mentally, having my history of naturally falling into someone I shouldn't be expecting something magical or immediate now.

We headed to a string of bars and picked the quietest one. It was a mild night so we opted to sit outside. Enough noise from the bustling city life to not be sat in awkward silence, yet not too loud so we could hear each other speak.

Right away I could tell conversation was not going to flow like it had behind the comfort of our phone screens. Whimsical responses were easily made when you had a minute to think about them. Tad awkward if you're sat staring at the person opposite whilst you think of an amusing comeback.

We ordered beer and some shisha, and tried our best to make small talk until they arrived. I asked questions about his job and why he moved to Hong Kong, trying to show a genuine interest, but his responses were almost as if he were finding it tedious and boring. He never asked any of the questions in return. Bit hard to get to know someone if you don't ask them anything about themselves, right?

Anyway, now the beer had arrived, I felt comfort in the fact that I could take a sip every time I was at a loss of what to say. Needless to say, I ordered another fairly promptly.

Why didn't I just leave, you ask. Well, I contemplated it, knew I'd be having a ball sipping lychee martinis trying to be a woman and realising I should have had beer and tequila whilst dancing the night away with the girls. I'd be laughing.

But one thing life has taught me is people can surprise you. In the best ways and the worst ways. I wasn't holding out hope for a miracle, I'm not naive. But I was waiting for something that could trigger that guy I'd been speaking to for the last week. He was in there, and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to pry him out before the night was up.

Astonishingly, it happened! Albeit exchanging opinions on TV series, but I ran with it.

That was when it all went bad.

The fact I enjoyed Game of Thrones (I know, so basic), like many other humans, seemed to genuinely annoy him. I thought, fair enough. Many people dislike when a series is so popular it seems people just watch it because they're told it's a must-view rather than actually watching it for their pleasure. I get it. I'm not a sheep. I dislike a lot of things that the majority of the human race seem to adore. But I genuinely enjoy GOT and I'm proud of it.

But no, this was not his issue.

His issue was with the fact that I watched this series, without believing it to be real...

Just let that sink in.

WHAT?! Of course it's not real. Yes I'm sure there's a very valid point in it of how people would treat each other to be crowned. However, dragons are, nor have they ever been, in real existence.

So no, whilst I am watching Game of Thrones I do not believe it to be real.

This actually angered him. His argument was this: "Why would you watch something if you do not believe it is real? If you are not fully submersed in that world you are not truly watching it."

Now on some level, I agree. When I go to the cinema I am so wrapped up in the story I think of nothing else whilst it is playing. I am in that world, whatever that world may be. But once the credits play and the lights come on I am back in my world, the real world. Fully aware that the scenes displayed before me were fanciful and orchestrated to make you feel a certain way. In no way do I believe Leonardo DiCaprio actually sunk to the bottom of the ocean, or Ralph Fiennes was actually the most evil man to ever be.

I watch films and series because I appreciate talent. Not because I want to believe that other world exists. Even reality shows aren't real!

With all that being said, I have always been of the opinion "each to their own." If you need to believe something is real to be able to watch it, go right ahead. But do not get mad at me for not agreeing.

I tried to say all of this in a polite way whilst still getting my point across that it is not okay to force opinions on others. To which he threw his drink in the air and said, "Well, I think we're done here."

He stood and was fishing for his wallet, while I sat there in total shock. I did feel a huge sigh of relief that he wanted to end the date but the reason for doing so still baffles me now. I couldn't help myself, I laughed. Which evidently angered him further. I attempted to put my card on the table to which he scoffed at. It seemed now everything I did was of utter annoyance to him. He paid for the drinks and sighed. I stood and thanked him for the drinks and for meeting me, and out of nicety said, "Talk soon." to which he replied, "Not likely."

We parted and I met with the girls still half in shock, half laughing about what I'd just experienced, and went on to have a banging night!

I know I'm fairly lucky that this is the most catastrophic it's gotten for me, but that was by far #MyWorstDate.

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And THAT, is exactly why forced encounters are not for me. I met someone a few months after that on a job I didn't want to take. Fortuitously, he changed my life.