The Healing Power of Relationships

We've all got baggage. Some of us, more than others, but we're all carrying wounds and hurts from past relationships with us. Some of these wounds come from romantic relationships and others are from relationships with family and friends. Some of these wounds stem from childhood and others are fresh off the boat.

Regardless of how intense or how new the wounds are, we've all got to learn how to heal them. And many people, including relationship "experts," believe that before we get into a new relationship, we should be "fully healed."

Fully healed? That's not even a thing. We are always going to have pain that needs healing, and even when we think we're completely past the hurt, sometimes it comes back to haunt us.

Contrary to what some believe, relationships (healthy ones) often positively contribute to the healing process. When you start a new relationship, you learn to love yourself again. Oftentimes, your new partner expresses all the things they love about you, which helps you see yourself the way they do. If you feel unlovable, this helps you feel more worthy of love (because you are!).

When you are triggered in a new relationship, you have an opportunity to address your triggers and work through them. A great partner will work through your triggers with you. Triggers are your brain and body's way of alerting you to the things that still need healing. You can be in a happy, healthy relationship and still be triggered by unhealed wounds.

But until you are actually faced with your triggers, your wounds, and your fears, you won't learn how to handle them. This is why being in a relationship is helpful because it gives you hands-on experience dealing with all of your "stuff."

To imply that we need to be completely healed before giving ourselves to someone new implies that the requirement for being worthy of love is perfection. This couldn't be further from the truth. If a person doesn't love the ugly parts of you - your flaws, faults, past, and brokenness - they aren't deserving of you. We are worthy of love, no matter how "damaged" we are.

Instead of striving for perfection and waiting to be "fully" healed, remember that healing can sometimes be a lifelong process. In the meantime, allow yourself to be loved by someone who loves all of you. Learn to love yourself through all your messiness. Face your triggers and learn how to respond to them in a way that helps you heal, but don't put pressure on yourself to make it happen overnight.

The best thing you can do for yourself, your mental health, and your healing is to simply live your life. If you don't have someone you are interested in being in a relationship with, work on creating a better version of yourself. Go to therapy. Spend time with friends. Enjoy your hobbies. Do the things you love to do! All of this can be healing too.

And once you meet that special someone, don't hold back from showing them who you are - all the parts of you. Let them love you, help you heal, take care of you, and be reciprocal of your love. There is truly nothing better, or more healing than to give and receive unconditional love when you feel like you aren't lovable.

But, of course, you are lovable. We all are. And you don't have to wait to be fully anything before getting into a relationship. Starting something new just might be the best - and most healing - thing you do.

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