The Fake Wu-Tang Clan Show

If you don't know much about the Wu-Tang clan, and you enjoy hip hop music you should honestly just stop reading this and go do a deep dive to enjoy their vast contributions to the genre. For the sake of simplicity, I'll summarize for you.

They were a hip hop supergroup, with nine members who each individually had enough talent and lyrical prowess to propel solo careers and yet managed to set aside ego to form a movement together. Simply put, if you were into the music than at least ONE of the members was awesome to you, probably closer to four or five and when they came together they seemed like an unstoppable force.

Method Man was my favorite, he always had (and still has) something extremely clever to say in every verse and he was the easiest of the nine to digest for my young brain in the early/mid 90's. Each member had their own distinct style and sound, so whoever was my favorite probably wouldn't be your favorite, it was all subjective. The collective group was a brilliant way to amass a horde of fans.

Growing up in Colorado Springs, we got the shaft on big shows. I don't know what the situation is now but back then we were too small of a town. Any big names coming to the region would most likely perform in Denver and then be on their way.

Which made it even more surprising when one day, a small square yellow flyer was placed into my hand with the trademark Wu-Tang Clan "W" on the top of it. My eyes travelled over the flyer, taking in the details. The show would start at 8:00 PM on a Friday night. The show was local, in a club in downtown Colorado Springs. The price of admission was $10, and included all you could drink beer. I read all the information over again. Several times. This was a Wu-Tang Clan show, in Colorado Springs. For $10. And all the beer I could drink. I didn't drink beer but still... what a bargain. Oh shut up, I can feel you judging me as I write this. I was young, I was allowed to hope. And I didn't hope alone.

The house was packed. The unlimited beer was flowing. The crowd was hyped. I stood somewhere in the back, sipping my coke (which ironically COST me something, unlike the free beer) and I would say at about a 7 out of 10 score for being high due to the half a blunt I'd smoked on the way to the venue. On a dance floor that was so packed people could barely move, people didn't really dance but... kind of vibrated. Every once in awhile, a club-wide chant would begin

"WU...TANG, WU...TANG, WU... TANG!!!!"

We excitedly chatted amongst ourselves about "Do you think they're ALL gonna perform?" and "I wonder if <insert your favorite Wu-Tang member here> is here?" and "Do you think they'll do Triumph? I really hope they'll do Triumph." It all started to go off the rails. It was 11:07 and we'd seen not hide nor hair of a Wu-Tang clan member. We had in fact, been watching a DJ play records for three hours, a sizable portion of us consuming large amounts of alcohol while doing so. The crowd came up with a new chant.

"BULL...SHIT! BULL...SHIT! BULL...SHIT!!!!!"

I didn't join in the chanting. I was just as irritated as everyone else, and was already feeling the effects of the seedy low grade marijuana I'd ingested start to depart my system completely which was doubly irritating because this meant I would be dead sober when Method Man came out but I was clinging to that hope. They were stars. And they were back there, behind that curtain. They would come out when they were good and ready to and not a second before.

As the cries of "BULL..SHIT!!!" became louder and less good spirited (it had started as a joke chant but now it was starting to sound like genuine anger.) the DJ grabbed a mic and scolded the whole crowd. I don't remember exactly what he said but it was something along the lines of "Look guys, I don't know what's going on but if I was in the Wu-Tang Clan I wouldn't come out to that."

The scolding worked. The angry chant died down and five minutes later the chant of "WU...TANG!!!" began a new with renewed vigor. Right around the 11:30 mark the lights on stage died down, leaving a completely black room for a few seconds before being replaced by an ominous red lighting. Dead silence. It was happening. Here we go.

Are you ready to know who came out on that stage? NOT the RZA, the GZA, O'l Dirty Bastard, Inspectah Deck, Raekwon the Chef, U-God, Ghostface killah or the M.E.T.H.O.D, Man. No, the man that stepped out onto that stage was Remedy, who according to his Wikipedia page is "known for being the first white and the first Jewish rapper to be affiliated with the Wu-Tang Clan." Look, I don't know this man's body of work. He might be great. But at the time his presence on that stage triggered two very powerful, almost concurrent thoughts in my head.

"Who the fuck is that?"

Followed by:

"This is bullshit, I'm out of here."

And so I departed, severely disappointed but in the long run a wiser person for it. For the small price of $13.99 plus tax (the cost of my ticket and my coke) I came away with very real world examples of the following lessons.

Just because your friend says it doesn't make it true.

Just because it's in print and you can hold it in your hand doesn't mean it has to be true.

A bunch of people believing the same lie doesn't make it a truth.

I'll close with this... I've heard from a few folks that after Remedy's set, Capadonna came out and did a set. This doesn't make it better. A Remedy and Capadonna show, while still a bargain at $10 is not a Wu-Tang Clan show to anyone with a functioning brain but at least the whole show wasn't a complete lie. That being said, fuck you 32 Bleu (now closed) for fleecing a boatload of naïve Colorado Springs based Wu Tang fans out of $10. Or in my case, $13.99.