The Distarous World of Online Dating

A few months ago, just out of a toxic relationship with more awareness under my belt, my friends said, "just try it!" They emphasized getting out and meeting people and seeing that not all girls are like my ex, but are they?

I haven't dated a lot in my life. The only three dates I've been on turned into a 1+ year relationship, with my first one being a 17-year relationship and marriage.

I'm not gonna lie; I'm a bit jaded by the dating world, especially entering it at 46 years old, and it isn't very comforting.

So, I did what friends said, and I downloaded an app.

The first thing I noticed is "filters!" I mean, come on, ladies, they are 40+ years old, and it looks like they were pushing a marketing campaign for Adobe Photoshop. If you've been on the apps, you know the "look."

Then there are the photos where you can clearly see the pictures from many moons ago, not the current moon. So right off the bat, they are baiting potential dates in with dishonesty—catfishing at its finest.

Then there are the women that have Snapchat. Are you serious? "Hit me up on Snap!" Are we teenagers? I admit, I did sign up for an account about a year ago; well, my ex's son signed me up. We used it to send the distorted faces back and forth. Ha. My only friend was him, and I ended up deleting it.

Another thing I noticed is they put models on your swipe board until you pay for the monthly service. I remember my first time on the app, and I was thinking, "how are these women single?" Every one of them looks like a Brazilian model. I found out that it was more deceit to get you to sign up.

Anyways, I got my first match. Let's call her Jenny to make it easy. First off, she was very cute, and she had unedited photos from what I could tell and actual events around Cincinnati.

Jenny had the same mundane bio as most, and she was looking for her "soulmate" and "partner in crime." Red flag number one.

Jenny sent me a message, but I was on my way out of town to Vegas and told her we could meet up when I got back. I thought this would be a great time to get to know her with some back and forth chit-chat before our date.

Red flag number two, she was distant as all hell—a short one and two-word answers and never initiating a conversation unless I did. And she was never asking questions, almost robotic. We spent a couple of weeks with little dialogue and decided to go to a baseball game.

We met up, and she was cute, exactly how her pictures showed on the app. It was a bit awkward for me because it was really my first date in a long ass time!

We talked about family, past relationships, had a couple of beers, then called it a night after the game. There was never that awkward silence. She had to be at work early, so she had to get home.

We ended up dating for about three weeks. We had a lot of fun when we were together, but something was OFF with her. She did mention she had bipolar disorder but was in treatment and on meds. Which I am fine with as long as the person is aware. But there was more than just that. She was so damn distant, and I tried talking to her about it, and she pretty much shut me down.

I stayed at her house a couple of times, and she came down to my place also. I was upfront and told her I wanted to take it slow. We never had sex, but she was sure initiating it, but I wasn't going there. I swore that off after my last relationship. When things start fast, they can end in bad and very bad. Too many emotions get involved quickly.

We went out with my friends on our last date, and I thought we had a good time. We Went to a festival then to a local brewery. She seemed to enjoy herself and got along great with my friend's girlfriend. We got up the following day, and she was even weirder. She had the 19-year-old grandson of her neighbor pick us up that night. We couldn't get an Uber, and she said he wouldn't mind. And oddly enough, he was less than 10 mins from the brewery, and the brewery was out in the middle of nowhere!

So, we got up the following day and said our goodbyes. She was a bit hungover and told me she would text me when she started feeling better. Again, here comes the distance. She disappeared. So I sent her a text later that afternoon. She said she was feeling better and went and ate. Now, I asked her earlier if she wanted to eat, and she said she'd let me know. But I get it. We aren't exclusive. She pretty much just blew me off.

We talked later that night, and she said she had fun. She liked my friend's girlfriend but didn't care for my friend. Fair enough, but then she says, "I don't see what his girlfriend sees in him." I was like, WTF. He's a good guy, and he has had my back many times, and she doesn't even know him.

A week went by, and we were texting, and she told me she wasn't really sure how she felt about me, well, the feelings mutual. So I quit pursuing her way too many red flags.

Now the old me would have chased her down and kissed her ass.

She told me one night that I'm the first guy who has never come on to her. And she's never had a guy take things this slow. She said she couldn't understand. Again, I had to tell her I wanted to take things slow.

I guess me taking things slow wasn't good for her. She wanted to bang one out and go from there. No thanks.

Thankfully I didn't because then it would have gotten more complicated with emotions.

The final Red Flag came about a week later. I found out she was banging her neighbor's 19-year-old grandson. Good for him!

Weird?

Possibly being she was 47 years old and old enough to be his Mother. Who am I to judge?

So, to wrap things up, dating apps are what I expected; a glorified social media site with women faking their appearance, who all have their shit together, and our great Moms! None of them have flaws, and they are all perfect!

Honesty doesn't exist any longer. Everyone's trying to impress someone, and it's so hard to get to know someone outside of a superficial level.

I'm not sure if genuine and vulnerable women exist any longer. Maybe I haven't had enough dating experience yet?

But in all honesty, I'm not interested. Some girls on the app will go back and forth and say they want to meet up then bail or disappear, and I don't get it. Is this how dating in your 40's is like?

Actually, I'm not interested in a relationship right now, but I would give it a try if the right person came along.

But by the looks of things, I could be waiting a while, Because dating apps are a hard pass for me.

What's your experience with the online dating world?