The Decision

It was a day like any other…OK, that’s not accurate… It started ordinary but the day changed rather quickly.

I was visiting with my mother, it wasn’t necessarily anything special, just a regular lunch date. Out of nowhere my mom started to feel a strange pain. She couldn’t really explain. I try not to exaggerate but this woman birthed five babies with no meds and has she the pain tolerance of a beast. She also has learned how to deal with carpal tunnel and other forms of chronic pain on a daily basis, so to see her in so extreme discomfort was quite rare, and it was enough of a warning bell to get her to a hospital.

Despite the inconvenience, we made the most of it...

I was worried, but Mom was always good making stuff like this seem easier. There was never any sense “making mountains out of mole hills”, with her. She always knew how to stay super chill and keep that brave face on, no matter what she might have been feeling on the inside.

It took several hours to get into triage, and a few more hours to complete the tests required to help diagnose what was causing her pain.

I’ve never liked hospitals… The air always feels heavier. Everyone is just so stressed out and tense. Almost like they are living on the edge of ‘table-flipping rage’ and cranky as Hell. It is always hard to try and focus or stay calm in a stressful situation. Especially when it feels like everybody else is also stressed out around you.

*I understand the science behind this, but it still doesn’t make it any less crappy feeling.

From what I could see, it also seems to be much worse for people who are alone…the people with no loved ones or family members there to help them through it. I’m not sure why it seems to be this way, it is just an observation… but a patient that is alone doesn’t seem to experience the same things that a group might experience. I don’t want to say that this is the case all the time, but from what I’ve observed, the patients who are alone just seem to have a worse time than others.

While waiting for the doctor to come back with more info for my mother, tension between a nurse and a patient left the room feeling heavy and awkward. The yelling was inaudible at first, but became clearer as they came closer to where we were seated.

“You can stay here for a while!”

“Can I at least have something to eat? I haven’t eaten all day!”

“Do you deserve it with that attitude?”, The nurse snarled, completely run out of patience.

“You can’t let me starve while I wait for surgery!” The young girl shouted angrily.

“I’ll see what I can do, no promises” The nurse said storming away.

The nurse was fuming… They must have been struggling with the patient for a while, especially for them to reach this point… I was honestly surprised two strangers could be so awful to each other, especially in a place where one requires care from the other.

From what I can gather from passive eavesdropping in the waiting area, (because they were rather loud, and everyone could hear them). The girl had broken her leg and needed surgery to put the bones back together, but the re-break was her fault. The nurses were frustrated because this was the second time, they had seen her within a week. Her arm was also in a sling and she had scratches and bruises all over, and a shiner; altogether it looks as if she had been in a serious fight and lost.

The nurse took a long time coming back, she brought the wheelchair-bound patient a small bowl of tomato soup, so she could eat.

The nurse gave her the tray without a word and then walked away…

The problem?

This patient only had only one good arm and she was trying to feed herself while juggling the tray on the arm rest of the wheelchair.

(I don’t really need to point out the obvious, but this was clearly trouble waiting to happen, watching this poor girl struggle with her food)

As you would imagine not long after, the evidence of physics would be realized, as this poor girl ended up dumping the hot bowl of soup all over her broken leg and the floor.

She began to cry, and shouted, “I need a nurse please! can someone please help me? nurse!” but it fell on deaf ears…

The emergency room bustled around her and everyone else, stepping around the puddle of soup on the floor. Quietly going about their job. It was like she became invisible.

It was strange, but for a moment it was almost like time is standing still. Everything was moving, but in my brain, it was like it slowed down…

This full waiting area of patients and loved ones, doctors and nurses, it was like no one could address the elephant in the room.

They would look at her and then quickly look away, hoping no one caught them gawking at her train wreck.

It doesn’t fully surprise me… It is a common part of the human condition, we have been made to like drama in our entertainment, but when it’s right there in front of us we disengage… still trying to be the audience… watch it unfold… No one wants to be a part of someone else’s drama.

I couldn’t explain it, but it’s like something welled up inside me… I’m not sure if it was rage or compassion… I would say it could be maybe a type of righteous fury… But that sounds so arrogant and I hate that way of thinking. I just can’t explain this deep feeling in my gut. I felt sick to my stomach, my hands are shaking with rage, and my empathy began to take hold of me in a new way.

What happened next is something that was completely out of character for me… you see… I prefer to be invisible…

It’s easier to live in a place where no one has to see you, or hear you, or talk to you. They won’t see your failures, or shortcomings if they don’t see you at all. You can just disappear into the background… I’m an introvert… I enjoy that kind of anonymity…

But, in this strange moment, of observing this girl struggle… just a few minutes felt like hours.

I promised myself I would wait 10 minutes. That doesn’t seem like a long time… but I felt 10 minutes was an appropriate amount of time to wait for someone else. I didn’t work in the hospital. I was not responsible for anyone else’s well-being but my mothers. Period.

Several people walked by, all nurses and staff, and the girl in the wheelchair, covered in soup would ask them for help as they passed. It happened several times… She was uncomfortable and needed help. She changed her tone. She wasn’t yelling any more, even though she was angry. She became quiet. It was almost like the moment she realized that no one cared.

10 minutes… I reminded myself...

But I needed to do something!

It was like there was a part of me inside my head that was yelling at me.

“get a move on! No one else is helping! Just do it!!!”

My mind wouldn’t let me wait. I tried to play a game on my cellphone. Distract myself with Facebook. Anything to shut my own brain up!

And I couldn’t stand it any longer.

I stood from my seat and became the plan of action.

I had recognized the resident who helped care for my mother in the beginning of our wait. I walked up to him and asked, “Is there any place that I can wash up and get some gloves?”

He looked confused but didn’t have the energy to argue with me or tell me to sit down. He showed me to the nearest sink which wasn’t very far from the waiting area. I thanked him and started washing up.

Thankfully my occupation, mom’s skill with patience, and my Dad‘s experience with being an EMR, having to take care of others in this way was second nature.

I was always helping, even from a young age. Helping siblings take care of broken bones (farm accident) to helping take care of friend in college when she had a seizure, and no one knew what to do or how to help her.

They taught us to do our best to be chill, and help others stay calm. My mom was always good at comforting in trying times.

So, I scrubbed up like any other doctor would, because I knew how to do it. After grabbing A pair of gloves, I wet some paper towel with lukewarm water and strained them (because sadly I had nothing else to use that wasn’t potentially contaminated).

I walked over to the girl and I asked her, “can I help you?”

She looked at me with a strange look. It was confusion, but a kind that was like not sure if she should say yes. It is funny, because she was thankful but the look still had a hint of… Like ‘what the hell are you doing, ya crazy lady?’

Her leg was covered in soup. It was awkward.

It didn’t take long to clean her up. It was probably less than two minutes.

Two measly minutes...

Several people walked past her… and it only took two minutes to get her cleaned. I mean, a shower would have been ideal over a sponge bath, but even still. It was SO SIMPLE!

“I need to get the bottom of your foot, I’m not hurting you, am I?”

“I’m OK” she replied. It was difficult, trying to be gentle, but still be effective because it was still a broken leg that I was working with… but it was done so quickly…

Two minutes and it was done…

We did not exchange names; I doubt if I’ll ever see that girl again.

The nurse who had been harsh with her, walked up to me and said, “miss you didn’t need to do that”

I had no idea what to say, so I said, “yes I did” …

(I held my tongue much better than I wanted to… I really wanted to lay into that woman about her crappy attitude… but I knew this wasn’t my place, and these women had a long 24 hours left together… If nothing I hope they learned to treat each other a little better.)

I threw away the dirty paper towel and the dirty gloves… I made sure the girl was OK… And then I sat back down.

When I sat down, my Mom grabbed my knee and gave me a look.

The look that a mother gives when their smile is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. It is beaming joy that doesn’t need to speak and is still loud. With one look that smile said, “I love you so much I can’t even say, right now”.

… she smiled at me and said nothing.

I replied, “I had to”

She leaned on my shoulder and said, “I know kiddo…”

I need you to know that the story isn’t about me…

This story is about my mom and the women like my mom… She is the woman I admire and who inspires me. I would never have learned, how to be the kind of person I am without her.

More than that though… this is about the women who don’t know how they managed the Hell they were going through and still were able to teach their kids something positive despite all the insanity. The ones who learned how to conquer fear and in turn reflect it back. To not become indifferent in the wake of adversity and face those fears with compassion. They didn’t show how broken they were by the world… and if they were, they showed us how to face it all with Love.

This Breaches Race and Religion, Status and Education… It doesn’t matter your sexuality…

You don’t even have to be a mom, for this one to matter.

The Teachers, foster parents, childcare workers, and anyone out there, willing to grow and bloom, and show others how to do the same, despite everything this harsh world has to offer. This is for all of them.

They don’t need to be famous or be 'the greatest' (not to discount the greatest women in history) I am just saying that you don’t have to be “famous” to have an impact on the world around you!

This kind of bravery… It is something that is often mistaken for weakness, when in fact it is more courageous than people understand. It is a will, to fight for good in a way that isn’t harsh or arrogant… It is a lost grace; an old way of thinking… and I don’t think that it should ever be lost.

I believe in the hope that these people fight for. Especially with what we are seeing today in the wake of pandemic madness.

This is to all the women who, in the face of conflict and struggle, are not afraid to be generous with their kindness. These women have so many things to teach us, which is why they are something to be admired, and they continue to inspire.