The Dating Game

Finding love is like a war zone of humans who are untrusting, and want the ability to have a relationship without having the status of being in one. This is hard for her to accept. She’s always been in relationships that are sexually based and or helping in the healing process for emotionally unavailable men, just to be left behind for someone who is lesser than she can give. Once she realized this is what was happening, and was abused in the process she changed her outlook on how a relationship should be. She’s always wanted to “fall in love with her best friend” no one stays around long enough because lust comes into play. Everyone needs intimacy, but she craves the kind that holds passion and commitment, not that lust for sex. She has been that girl that is too available to this type of relationship, giving in to what a male wants not to lose him from her life. She doesn’t want to have that anymore. She longs for someone to lay down and touch her in a manner that steals her soul away. The kind of love that someone cannot live without. The kind that makes poetry happen through the emotions that they feel for each other. The kind that makes you miss the human giving the love the moment they leave your arms. The kind that they write about in books.

Everyone has been hurt in manners that leave them wanting to be alone. She has spent years alone, helping others to see their potential but never committing to them as they take advantage of her sense of giving without receiving. She has been abstinent for years, wanting the right emotional mind to get her in bed, not the one who just wants to see her naked. She knows how easy it is to take off her clothes and give herself to someone, but wants to know that person is invested before she allows for this to happen. Not many people are looking for that, they are looking for the quick fix of lust, the dirty fuck and chuck, the wall of shame. She doesn’t want to be another number in his book. She finds that depressing and not fulfilling. It is easy to lay down with someone, but it’s even easier to walk away, leaving the other feeling used. Men have been quick to say “I love you” believing them so that they can steal her heart. Take pieces of her in the process while having there own selfish reasons, sex. She is a guarded woman who’s let her guard down many times in believing that saying I love you is different than showing you love someone.

She wants someone to love her for exactly who she is, chaotic at times with a big heart and would do anything to see someone else happy. She isn’t in a rush to be in love, but wants to find someone who would be there for her like she has been for everyone else in her life. She’s never known what true love is even though she has the ability to love it has always come with conditions including the love from her parents and family. She gives unconditional love and wears her heart on her sleeve. In this world that is not the way to be, it causes so much hurt and feelings of confusion of what is wrong with her. Nothing is the answer, the problem lies within those who play with her emotions, and take what they want in the moment. Her flaw, allowing this to happen for so long. She wants to believe that there is someone out there that wants to love her, but sometimes it seems bleak. She trusts people just to be let down. That is the most hurtful part of this process because she also let’s herself down. People get upset when boundaries are placed. They think she’s crazy for having them. She needs these in order to not self destruct.

Her past lovers have always moved on within weeks of leaving, onto the next soul. Breaking hearts wherever they go, collecting the pieces of broken people like it’s a sport. She doesn’t want to be a part of that game. Not many have sparked her soul, she sees them for the transparent people that they are. Words are not actions. Actions prove a person’s intentions. Her intentions are pure, and without selfish gain. She just wants to find someone who shares and values the same.