The Dark Past of Silent

The feeling of down as if falling. Deeper and deeper you go, the more heavy it all becomes. Seeing so many happy, it’s like being drained of mine. Moments to myself happens allot and yet the more you try to comfort yourself, the more you fade into darkness once again. Reverting back to the kid you once was. Afraid, shy and confused. Wondering where my next meal would come from which person will mentally scar me next.

Everytime I was with people I would get hurt in some way. Show me happiness and love just to take it back like an amazon item. 30days money back? More like a lifetime of on refundable mental scars. Traumas that prevent me from trusting others and believing in happiness. Thrown in this cycle of pain and disobedience, I became sober. Unable to feel. That to myself and no longer finding the point in life and it’s beauty.

That was then, now after being released from the shackles that bind, rebirth takes place and something happens. The toxic one begin to make distance. The ones who stay, found a way to make route. Leaving remnants of clouds to fake happiness within. clouds to fake happiness within. like poison slowly erasing the moments I hold dear.

Insecurities, depression and anxiety. These words have become the core of my being. Sure I have learned to be more happy and be OK with yourself as one comes to know. This was different. This constant fear and loneliness pushes me to ends untold. Of course everyone has their lives in circles of their own but when you need someone in the harshest times, someone who is able to just drop by to check in on you. Someone that send you a funny meme or send you a test you like to try to cheer you up. Most my car a partner or some sort but I never heard of such a thing.

This 300-year-old wizard doesn’t know love. Never really obtaining it. Remember it was always disguised as such to think the mind for selfish needs. Never been in a romantic because love was never validated. Love never came full circle. The corny shows and the people, all the people, you see them all talk about some thing they all have in common. The speak from personal experience as if it’s “normal“ to go through it all.Transitions and confusion of the world as a whole. going through the many versions of life.

Through the times of the fast past lifestyles and the speedy reactions. Easy access to information is quick to the dime. Finding what you want becomes faster than an incline. Looking for answers is sure to come but some answers isn't worth finding, its preferred none. 

Finding the truth about your self and the world is always ever changing. Being present and finding peace is all but fluorescent. Which way is north, which way is south. Theres so many ways to find one thing that you can easily get lost in the clutter of doubt.  Find your own answers and remember this past. For the dark past of silent was the worst that you went through & are finally over, at last. So keep going and stay this strong because now life is your ecosystem and you have a golden ticket to travel this world. 

Like Dr. Strange with the dizzy face. I go through life like a seven layer cake. Crossed, burnt with levels of anxiety, mental disorder and sexuality. Fighting the fight and looking for the light, I went through darkness, now I’m coming back alright.