The Expectations of Reality

Here we are again. A new month, a similar but different look. The weather has changed and there’s more ways to communicate with people. So much so, that old habits rise again. Yeah they die hard but it’s suppose to be a reminder of once was and our strength to bring them down.

You’re suppose to feel safe, you should know how to handle yourself. You are old enough to learn for yourself without anyone. You would think I would get that when I’m younger but in fact, these are the words that is said when you’re older. From a time where you had no one, nothing but silence and what’s expected, you miss out on the fundamentals of childhood. The core features of growing up. Now that you have more knowledge, your threshold is limited and you struggle to find room for the important things.

Once again you are out into a corner. A place you are too familiar with but now it’s for more stronger reasons. You’re expected to know the basics of adulthood and how to fix it. You’re expected to teach yourself what you don’t know even when you never figured out how to learn something on your own. You’re expected to know what happiness is and how to love yourself despite everyone else. You’re expected to be happy being alone when the world is too busy with its own journey. You’re expected not to give a pity party but find a cure for all the mental disabilities that may forever plague you.

Look on the bright side, you’re at the age where school isn’t an issue and you have a home with questionable health. Does gratefulness cap it all? Being grateful for surviving and even though there is still fighting, being grateful for getting through the fight from others counts for something.

Here’s the reality. You discovered who you are and your abilities way after your good years and while you still struggle to get past that, you end up on a constant fight questioning yourself and others because of your past in hopes they have solidified their place in your life. Don’t cater to the things you cant control, whether they be of yourself of the things around you. Over and over you hear these words coming from your loved ones but it will hit when you least expect it because by then it will all make sense when that time comes. When it comes it will be such a kick in the face because it will be so much easier from here on end. 

Come to terms with your biggest fear and let it out so it will no longer have hold on you. Tell a loved one, tell one of your closest friend, and even tell yourself in the mirror, everything that has plagued you. Unless all the hurt and pain held within. Make sure of course that the person you are speaking to has consent and is able retaliate with poise and understanding. You don't want to end up telling your Nanna when she's ready to kick the bucket (sorry to the nanna's out there). 

Release that pain and let in the love and breathe in that strength. Let the peace of a loved one and tranquility fill you up. Remember all the lessons and deep conversations that you had with those in your corner. Once that darkness  is out of you like a victim under demonic possession, you have to fill with enough goodness that it will not have a place to stay in your mind. Like a rat in a dark alleyway, trying to find shelter. Scrounging for pieces of food to feed off of.