The cycle of emotions

1. Anxiety

Uncertainty is scary. Sometimes not knowing what to do, what will bring me success in life. I just do whatever comes to mind and see where life takes me. My heart pounds at the thought not getting there, the image of failing makes me feel uncomfortable.

2. Disappointment

The thought of not getting what I want haunts me all the time, pushing me to work hard. Sometimes hard work doesn't pay off, the disapppointment creeps in. Disappointed at myself because deep down I could do so much better. Disappointed that I let myself down.

3. Guilt

Taking everything so seriously is tiring, so I decided to take a break. Taking a break makes me feel guilty for not being productive as time does not wait for anyone. Scrolling through social media to know that some people never stop to take a break from life, makes me feel like I should keep pushing myself so that I don't get left behind. Life is not a competition, but there's so much influence that I can't help but feel like I am not enough. Shame comes to says hello, disappointment quickly catches up.

4. Passion

Life isn't all that bad. Sometimes I get what I want and I am grateful. Happiness and hope keeps me going. My intense passion and ambitions takes over and it stresses me out. All I can think of the moment is to fulfil my passions and the fact that I can't do it sometimes leaves me feeling depressed. After moments of emotional breakdown, I pick myself up again and continuing fighting.

5. Anger

Angry at myself. Angry at the world. Angry of how I feel. Anger either gives me power or destroys me instantly. I feel like I am about to blow up like a volcano. The fire is then slowly calmed by water.

6. Frustration

Impatient is my middle name. I don't like to keep myself waiting for something to happen. I will always be working towards to create something for myself and can't wait for it to happen. I am constantly fixated on it and it fustrates me that I can't just let it go. Sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for something that's not going to bring me any value or happiness.

7. Confusion

I am not sure what I am doing sometimes. I like to do things that brings purpose. Unpurposeful tasks leaves me hanging. Countless thoughts entered my mind at once and they are fighting for my attention. They all merge to become a ball that clouds my mind. Decision making can oftentimes be difficult thing to do, as the thought of not getting it right will be bring concerns and disappointment to myself and my closed ones. I am always thinking if I am going the right direction because I can't see what's in front of me!

8. Exhaustion

Time flies, the good times doesn't last. Soon, there will be other task and challenges to overcome. We are back to square one. Life does not care about your circumstances. Every day is another chance to improve yourself and solve problems. My willpower is depleting and I need some time away from life. I am tired of having emotions.

The cycle of emotions goes on. I feel what I feel. I do not resist any of them. I go to sleep when life is too much, thinking that I could find peace in my sleep, but I was very wrong. The dreams I had was very real, my body thought I was awake. Emotions are always a part of me, they will never leave me alone.

I wake up feeling like I haven't slept in days and so I go back to sleep.

When will I finally take a break from my emotions?

Please just let me go!