The Concept of Love

What is love? Many musical artists have written songs about people who they love or have broken their hearts. Many poets have written poems about it. There are also movies and TV shows that show characters falling in love. But what is it? A scientist would say it’s a rush of hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin being sent to the right parts of the brain that make you feel happy, make your heart beat faster and when they’re not around you can’t wait to see them again, but what is it to humans and animals in general?

Love I think is the same for most people, it’s when our brains say “I like you” but more. There are different sides of love as well, the good and bad.

The good is making someone feel safe, 100% devotion, honesty, openness, trust, and compromise. The bad is jealousy, obsession, and the need to control just to control by any means.

Love to me is special, something I don’t just jump into. It can take me a long time to feel this wonderful feeling because I have been hurt in the past, but also, I want to make sure it’s right. There are people who take advantage of this feeling. They may use it to get what they want out of someone or just to manipulate a person.

One thing I listed love is trust. If you don’t have trust in the person you claim to care for, that’s not love. Jealousy is not love; it shows you don’t trust the person you’re with. When you love someone, you don’t hurt them out of anger or jealousy, actually in BDSM the sub is the one who really has the power. The sub picks the Dom and it’s the Doms job to get to know what they like and how far the sub can go, the sub has to trust the Dom won’t push these limits until talking to the sub about it. These rules help keep everyone safe and happy, also there is a safe word and when the sub says it, all is stopped. After a session there is aftercare which is basically meant to get the sub get back in their own headspace. This is a very loving moment and can be romantic, this usually includes talking about the session, what they liked, what they wanted more of and what they didn’t like. It can also have cuddling, making sure the sub is hydrated and if they’re hungry, fed, some want a blanket, some want head rubs, or nap and some want to just be left alone to think a bit before talking.

You can love more than one person like in a polyamorous relationship. Some may not believe this but it’s true. You may be more devoted to one than the other(s) but in most poly relationships there is love for all involved. You really have to trust your other partner(s), trust that they won’t date out of the circle unless all partners talk and say its ok.

Most love though is monogamous though and hard to find. About half of relationships don’t workout. People get together, and for one reason or another it doesn’t work. I wrote an article about this already so I won’t go too much into it, but love isn’t something people should just jump into, it can be delicate depending on a range of factors, mostly how their past relationship(s) went in the past and not just the significant other type of relationships but ones with family and friends too. A lot of factors determine how a person is going to be in a loving relationship.

The best way I can give my personal reflection is by sharing a couple of poems I wrote. Here are two poems I wrote, I think they explain the feeling better.

Dream

Love is a dream that I want to share

I look into your eyes, I run my hands through your hair

I kiss your face and hold you tight

I want to keep you safe throughout the night

Love should be cherished whether you're young or old

It’s not something that can't be bought or sold

It’s a special feeling two people feel for each other

It’s like a fingerprint one love is never like another

If you find love, hold on but not too tight

It needs to breathe for it to take flight

If you want love to last

You have to open your heart and forget the past

Even though you may have been hurt many times before

The one you hold in your heart now may even the score

Love is a dream that two people share

Two people who cherish each other and care

Why

People get hurt every day, what's going on?

The victims stop trusting and their hearts become hard.

What happened to the strength that people used to have?

Why do people have to play games with each other, are they trying

to hide their weakness' by pretending they're strong?

A man and a woman fight, who is wrong and who is right?

Someone always gets hurt in the end.

Why do people stay with the ones that aren't good for them,

and hurt the ones that really give a damn?

Do they really think there isn't any good in the world?

Why don't they open their eyes and see that there are bluer skies?

If they only didn't give up, its up to them, it's up to them in the end.

I've seen so many people with blackness in their hearts.

I've seen a lot of pain, but I've also seen pleasure

I've seen the games and I've seen the tricks people play on each other.

Why do opposites attract, or is that just a state of mind?

Maybe if people just didn't settle this wouldn't be true

People who want to control or want the riches.

Do they really feel happy in the end?

I believe love is something you share not something that is bought or owned.

Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

"From the heart" isn't that what it means?

People give up to easily, that's what I think

Look at all the others around you.

Theirs hunger, poverty, war and hate, do we really have to add to it?

I'm not, I'm not going to give up.

I know there is someone who is sincere and believes what I believe.

Someone who wants to feel love.

When I find true love, I won't take it for granted.

Like so many others do.

To me love is special. It’s honesty, openness, trust, and heart. Life has changed over the years; we went from meeting people in the wild to meeting them online. Back when our grandparents and in some cases, parent where together women didn’t work or if they did it wasn’t the type of high-profile jobs like they’re getting now. If both people in a relationship work full time and maybe overtime it brings strain on the relationship. It can be even harder when both people can barely make ends meat together. When both have high profile jobs, they usually get a nanny for the children which can be hard on the child because they don't get enough parent time (I didn’t mention gay or people in a relationship with a transgender person because I don’t know if they have the same issues.) Also, there are women who make more money in the relationship than their partner and some men can’t handle it…some women can’t either. Also, the state the world is in now, we are really split, which makes it even harder. I’m not saying it’s impossible.

I don’t believe there is love at first sight, its infatuation, like or lust. Some people jump into a relationship and say “I love you” too quickly. I think because they feel something but after the honeymoon phase, they see the person's true self and maybe it's something they don't like or something that scares them, so they either feel stuck or sometimes too scared to leave the relationship or they break up.

Then there are soulmates. The one person who is for you in a sea of people all around the world. I think you can have more than one but even finding one of them is like a needle in a haystack. Some people meet someone who they think is “the one” only to see their true self after the honeymoon phase. This is why I think so many marriages and relationships fail. I don’t have the answer of how to raise the odds of finding “the one” but if you do find them cherish each other but let each other breathe.