The best love for yourself is acceptance

In recent years, "acceptance" has become a buzzword.

Accept their own imperfection, accept the impermanence of life, accept their children's ordinary...

But many people mistakenly think acceptance means giving up, lying down, or even being rotten.

Accept your imperfections, so you don't have to try to be better.

Accept children's ordinary, so there is no need to squeeze the head to test 985......

What is acceptance, anyway? Psychotherapist ASHLEY Davis Bush makes an analogy in her book Acceptance.

Imagine yourself in a beautiful field, holding a rope in your hand, tug-of-war.

At the other end of the rope, there's a masked mystery man, and he's pulling, too, so you're pulling harder than your opponent.

The enemy is life, which is trying to pull you into situations you don't like and don't want to be in: traffic jams, weight gain, queues that never end, annoying bosses, demanding mothers, nasty diseases, accidents...

You don't want life to drag you into these bad situations, so you pull, thinking that if you pull hard enough, you can stabilize the string and take control of your life.

But your opponent, life, is always stronger than you.

People and things you don't want to see will still show up.

Is this tug of war destined to lose to life? Is it possible to stop the match? What if you stopped fighting the rope and relaxed?

Just let go and watch the rope slip and stop wrestling with life, and you can feel release and relief.

Imagine sitting in a beautiful field, smelling the flowers and enjoying peace of mind when you are no longer pulling on one end of a string.

Acceptance, the process of going with the flow and dropping the rope, is our best path to a calmer and more satisfying life experience.

In the movie "Super Size Beauty," Renee is an average-looking girl who has to walk on eggshell because she feels inferior about her appearance and body.

She longed to be a great beauty one day, and she believed that a perfect body was the gateway to happiness.

When Renee hits her head during an exercise class, she hallucinates and sees herself in the mirror, her body and appearance immaculate, even though to others her appearance has not changed at all.

What kind of transformation happens when nothing changes in one's appearance, but one's mind becomes different?

Always hiding in a corner, Renee is confident and humorous.

She went to a fashion company to get a job as a receptionist. With her appearance, it seemed impossible, but during the interview, she confidently said how suitable she was for the job and how well she would do it.

With an air of genuine confidence, she convinced her interviewers to land the coveted job.

The important thing was that she was convinced that everyone around her liked her. She was beautiful and hot, and who wouldn't like that?

Although many people find her a bit strange, they can't help but be impressed by her confidence and find an interesting side to the girl.

At the end of the movie, Renee's dream wakes up and she finds herself back to being that plain, fat, normal girl who is depressed and wants to give up her hard-won job.

But then she discovered that she had never really changed physically, but when her mind changed and she was convinced that she was as beautiful as a model, her confident words and actions opened up new opportunities for her.

She finally learned that her body is just one part of her, that confidence is beauty, and that beauty is loving yourself and accepting yourself "as you are."

In one case, Suzanne, 42, struggled with her weight, which turned her life into a mess.

She did not want to work, did not want to take care of the children, and even suffered from depression. Her weight was a big problem for her and she believed that only by losing 20kg could her life be good again.

However, she tried many different weight-loss programs, but nothing worked.

She hated herself even more because she couldn't stick to her diet. The more she blamed herself, the more she ate -- and then hated herself for eating so much.

A person who hates himself can punish himself in a self-destructive way, as Suzanne did.

For her, the starting point for change is to recognize her true sense of self-loathing, and then she may feel lovable and love herself in the right way.

Led by a counselor, she started a conversation with herself like this:

The first is "admitting" -- "Suzanne, I notice that you feel gross when you touch your stomach. It's hard to hate your body and wish it was different."

Then there's "relevance" -- "You're not the only one who feels bad about your body. A lot of women struggle with their weight."

And finally, "friendly conversation" -- "You deserve to be happy, you can feel differently, and maybe look at yourself in other ways. Suzanne, I love you just the way you are, more than your weight."

After having this inner dialogue, she changed her attitude towards herself from being self-aggressive to being self-supportive, from being miserable at the mention of weight to being open-minded, and she had a mild change in her view of herself and a positive change in her mood.

At the same time, she learns to appreciate the services her body performs. Her eyes allow her to see the world. Her hands can type, cook, make beautiful crafts...

The body is a perfectly designed, flexible, useful, even magical container.

Over time, Suzanne repeatedly acknowledged her pain and realized that other people shared her body dislike.

She accepted her reality and felt calmer.

A person who loves himself is bound to respect himself and care for himself.

We have all experienced those moments when we are swimming upstream, when we have to fight through a difficult situation, wish something bad had never happened, regret something we said or didn't have time to say, or criticize our own inadequacies.

After years of struggling to change ourselves, others, circumstances, and even futile attempts to change the past, you may find that acceptance is the way to gain reason and wisdom.

Sometimes we feel frustrated, sad, angry, or resistant to life's challenges, but we can accept all of these.

It means facing our pain with gratitude and kindness. It means caring for ourselves with peace of mind.

Acceptance doesn't mean it can't be changed, it doesn't mean you choose to sit back and not move forward, it does mean that you let go of the struggle in this moment, and you go with your feelings and situation, opening up more possibilities for yourself.

As bard Leonard Cohen said, "It doesn't matter if you're not perfect. There's a crack in everything. That's where light comes in."