The Beast

Don't consider my kindness as my weakness. The beast in me is sleeping, not dead. (Life Mello)

The beast inside of me is never dead. She is only sleeping. It amazes me how others will tell you how you should practice better time management skills and then look at you like you are the one who truly needs to do this when they are the ones who need to do the very thing they are asking you to do. Then they have the nerve to come back and ask you to add another task to help them, which I find funny. You can not come to me and ask me to do something personally for you, and then once you get what you need from me to help you out at that moment, turn around and tell me not to help someone else.

This is very selfish, and I will not stand for it. You don't even want to come back and apologize for how you have spoken and then look at me like I am in the wrong when you already know I am not. Instead of taking accountability for what you neglected to do right in the first place, you will cry and play the victim and think, I am going to say, don't worry, it will be okay. First of all, I am not the one. I keep my feelings on safety because I know that if I let the old me out, you will be the one who will end up hurt in the long run.

I will not allow others to make me feel bad about myself for being my giving person. You didn't make me, so your words and actions cannot break me. If you know you will go above and beyond for others, please do not think I will be cool with you because you neglect to look at all I bring. You only see what you want to see, and I am not cool with mistreating someone simply because I am not built that way.

Now, I know who I am, and for you to constantly try to insult my intelligence with your underhanded comments is funny to me. You assume that just because you have a title higher than mine, you can talk to me anyway, which will not fly with me. My job is to assist as many people as I can, so if I am outshining you, it is because you are the one who needs to step your game up and get your communications in order, not me.

I will no longer let outside situations control how I feel and move. If you do not like how I am doing certain things, then the least you can do is come and talk to me about the situation before you make yourself look like an ass. It's funny how others always have plans but never include you in their plans to make the task happen more positively. Instead, you have people who throw shade all over the good people just to make themselves feel like they did something. The beast in me is quiet for a reason, so if you keep trying to wake her up, do not get mad because you wanted to see her face to face, and now she is awake. Now, you are running around crying and teary-eyed because I am not the one to fold under pressure. I will always put my best foot forward in all that I do, and if you do not like how I do it, come to me like a human and explain why your way may be a better fit than mine. If you can't come to me with a solution, you can stay away from me with all that negative energy because, like I said, the beast inside me is sleeping, not dead.