Take the Initiative and Resolve the Intra-Family Conflict 

The will to resolve the domestic conflict - whether it is a conflict between the partners of the conjugal couple or between the parent and the child - is the key element in resolving it. Many times, especially when there are conflicts between parents and teenagers, one of the parties involved feels too hurt, offended, and angry to want to solve the problem. Especially with teenagers - who often provoke painful words - it's hard to understand.

The most common obstacles to resolving the family conflict are: pride, injury, resentment, anger, apology, and inability to look at the issue from another's perspective! Adolescents often feel too angry, hurt, or unable to process the problem rationally, and their parents often apologize or feel that they are always right - so punish the child and completely ignore the problem!

The will to resolve the conflict is completely blocked by feelings of anger, resentment, and/or injury. Once the conflict arises but is not resolved through communication, feelings of anger and resentment may not manifest openly, but they still exist in a form of retained anger and are manifested through passive aggression and ignoring the other.

Such negative feelings can ruin a relationship for life: there are children who, once they moved out of their parent's home, broke off all contact with their parents, precisely because they felt constantly hurt and frustrated. Instead of being willing to wipe away anger and resentment and accept that we may be partly to blame, we are constantly fueled by anger and resentment, and with major unresolved conflict, we always find a reason for our misunderstandings.

If the self-esteem is damaged - of the child by the parent or vice versa - the anger will be difficult to control and especially to erase, and the will to resolve the conflict will not be born, because sometimes it is easier to persist in anger and resentment and to make the victim innocent! Essential in the appearance of the will to resolve the conflict is to become aware that you are a party involved in its appearance and therefore you also bear your share of the blame!

This does not mean that the other person is not guilty: it means that you have to accept your involvement in the quarrel. The important thing is to think: what do I gain if I maintain the conflict and do nothing and what do I gain if I am the one who takes the first step in recognizing its limits?

As long as you persist in resentment and anger, your emotional and communication skills are blocked. Free yourself from negative feelings and accept that both sides have their involvement.

Many parents believe that if, as a result of a conflict, they take the first step and go to adolescence acknowledging their wrong approach to the problem, it sabotages their authority! It is not true: communicating openly and openly acknowledging your limits and mistakes makes you human and emotionally accessible to the child, and as long as you acknowledge your guilt, but without acquitting him of his guilt and possibly sanction, it does not affect your image as a parent - on the contrary!

Willingness to resolve the conflict also means forgiving and unleashing all negative feelings. Even if you are deeply hurt or extremely nervous, if you calm down and objectively rationalize the problem, it will be easier for you to disconnect from all the intense negative feelings.

Willingness to resolve the conflict involves analyzing the problem and the situation: what annoyed or hurt you, hurt you so much? What words had such a negative effect and why? Then you have to think about the other one: what words did you throw that could hurt or infuriate him and why? Out of sheer anger or other unresolved old conflicts?

Once you know the source of your anger, it's easier to forgive, get over it, and start over. If, for example, you were so angry and hurt because you were told, "You're not a good parent," then they had power over you because you unconsciously had feared. therefore and dissatisfaction in your role as a parent. Any word that has great power over you will show that you unconsciously think the same way, so it is essential to deal with your shortcomings, dissatisfactions, desires, fears!

Once the will to resolve the conflict appears, the next steps are simpler! It's all about having the desire to change! Then you need to make sure that the other person is willing to resolve the conflict: if it is a teenager, then go to him, tell him first that you want to settle the dispute together and that you admit that you are to blame.

If he is not receptive, then his feelings of anger or hurt are still too intense, so you need to give him more time to calm down. Think about what you said to provoke these feelings, analyze your words and their conscious and unconscious source, and then explain them to your teen. Then ask yourself a few questions:

Will you use your authority as a parent or will you treat him as an equal? Will you give him the power to judge you and show you where and how you went wrong or keep it just for you? Have you gotten rid of at least some of your intense negative feelings and emotions? - as long as you do not get rid of them at least a little, the discussion will suffer and can easily turn into a new conflict!

Are you able to listen to him with empathy, or do you just want to talk to ease your soul? Can you accept that he is not the only one to blame, or do you persist in the "I'm always right, because I'm an adult" attitude? It is obvious what answers are needed for the will to resolve the conflict!

Once you have clarified your feelings, calmed down, thought about the strategy you will adopt, and made sure of the will to resolve the conflict for both sides, start the discussion with a positive statement such as: "I want to clarify this, don't you? " Show her the advantages of solving the problem and the obvious disadvantages if it remains unsolved!

And always behave like an adult: this does not mean to be superior and based on authority, but to always control your emotions, to rationalize the problem, and to always take the first step in overcoming it - this is what true moral superiority looks like. and behavioral! The teenager is wrong, but if an intense conflict develops, it is also your fault because you did not know how to approach the situation effectively! So behave like adults, not angry teenagers!

And never forget: the most important and first step in ensuring a harmonious parent-child relationship and overcoming tensions is the will to resolve the conflict!