Stop Trying To ‘Fix’ Him

Unfortunately, in many cases, we are told by so-called relationship ‘experts’ to fight for love at all costs. This is not always the case. On the contrary, I have seen it cause more damage and destruction, especially from the person who makes attempts to ‘save’ the relationship.

A Few Points First

Before we dive into the topic, let's get a few things clear to avoid misunderstanding.

• This piece does not provide generalized statements on how relationships work, but more to provide my own insight and experience on this matter.
• I am in no way claiming to be a relationship specialist, but more so simply sharing what I witnessed from multiple cases from myself, friends, and family who have been through destructive experiences.
• It aims to help others understand the detrimental effects of over-giving to the wrong person before it's too late to step back and risk losing your personal, financial, and mental wellbeing.
• What I share in this piece is mainly targeted for new relationships that are in the early stages.
• Although the article is titled with a masculine note, it can be applied to both males and females. Yet I honestly saw it more likely to happen to females in most cases.

When we get to know someone who has difficulties, whether it is mental, financial, or addiction-based, if there is love involved we want to give them a helping hand. This is a normal human response, yet it has a dark side full of manipulation, exploitation, and codependency.

This will soon develop into a ‘savior mindset’, which can make us feel we are responsible for our personal needs and the desire to repair and stand by him at all costs.

The main source of this response is our inner emotion of wanting to be the ‘healer’ and get the person’s life together. We desire to see the person that is with us in the best way. Instead, our energy, finances, and personal power will be gradually drained and in most cases, with our full consent.

In the case of most women, our natural feminine energy craves providing nourishment, care, and comfort to others.

We seem to be blinded by love at the first stages of the relationship that we give it our ‘all’. The danger lies in allowing ourselves to be dominated by our emotions rather than logic and taken back by rose-colored glasses and poetic words that feed our confidence.

Time and time again I have seen people fall into this trap. They give it their all at the early stages of the relationship and are traumatized when their person leaves them for someone else or ghosts them.

The problem is, subconsciously by being too kind and sacrificing themself they have enabled the toxic and controlling behavior from the other person and the sense of entitlement. Once this has been established, it is really hard to go back and set boundaries.

This is not to shift the blame to the victim, yet to emphasize the importance of protecting yourself and your assets early on in the relationship and not to over-give.

A few last words:

Take your time to study your potential partner and allow them to prove to you they are worthy of being with you through their consistent actions, not words.

Never move with your person or allow them to move in too early in your relationship. Maintain your privacy and set clear boundaries from the very beginning.

Do not disclose the details of your personal finances and assets to each other in the early stages or sign in paperwork to give them authority over your assets or bank account. This is pure common sense, yet I see this happening many times and some people are too trusting.

If you are in an early-stage relationship with a person that has a drug or alcohol problem or is in debt, you are free to offer advice if asked, but make sure you do not commit to helping them. It is better to be safe than sorry. I see many people getting exploited and taken advantage of.

Ideally, you want to enter a relationship on a clean slate and do not involve yourself in fixing or taking on the issues of your potential partner.

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About The Author

Noor is a second-year business student at Tredu. She is also studying for a Diploma in International Smart Industry at Tampere University. She is passionate about marketing and content creation.