Still Single

Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Hinge, Bumble, Tinder. I’ve been on all the dating apps, including 3Fun and others for LGBTQIA+ and untraditional relationship structures. Despite the dating and experimentation, I’m still single after hitting the big 30 last summer.

I’m also a Leo. Every time I see that question on a dating app, I skip it. A star sign can’t tell me who I am, and it certainly can’t tell me who my perfect match is—or can it? Usually, when I’m looking at horoscopes it is to have a good laugh with friends. Like reading a fortune cookie and adding “in bed” to the end of it. Maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong. Maybe I need to start consulting the stars more seriously to jump-start my dating life.

“You could have fun bouncing some creative ideas off loved ones. While visiting your family members, you could come up with an inspiration. Share your thoughts with others and talk your ideas out. You could envision an invention, or an idea for a new business. Or you could be explore changes you might like to make to your home.”

- Horoscope from MSN.com

Oof. Okay, off to a really bad start here. Of course, I could do all of these things. I’m sharing my thoughts right now. What does this even have to do with my love life anyway? I “could be explore” many better horoscopes.

“Because Leo is one of the zodiac’s “fixed” signs you find it hard to break the habits of a lifetime, but recent events have left you in no doubt that a new direction is needed in your affairs. Don’t just let go of the old – shove it away from you!”

- Sally Brompton's Horoscopes from the Globe and Mail

Whatever you say Sally Brompton of the Globe and Mail. Aren’t all habits of a lifetime hard to break? Let’s shove this horoscope away, along with the other one.

“Good omens in your emotional or even romantic life, while Uranus will give you a helping hand in social activities. In the second part of the month, you receive good news health-wise, but until then, be prudent with your expenses. Someone will request your help in a project, and you will gladly get involved.”

- February 2021 Horoscope from Yearly-Horoscope.org.

I wonder what the good news about my health was. I will be prudent with my expenses and I have had a request for help! Happy to get involved. I’ve been feeling good and started socializing a little more lately (virtually of course). I guess since my romantic life is basically non-existent, we can consider this horoscope a win.

1/3 ain’t bad? Right? Let’s take a look at Leo attributes. Here are the traits I see most often: Love being center stage, creative, ambitious, accomplished, warm, and enthusiastic. Love pleasure and attention. Strong, well-developed sense of self… It’s a rather long list. Over dependency on compliments, soothing, and assurance. Vulnerable at the core and may not let others see this insecurity.

I do appreciate the occasional compliment. Along with comfortable clothes and confirmation that I’m on the right track. While I don’t love being center stage (I don’t ever even want to be on stage) I am creative and enthusiastic. I have ambitions. I know who I am and what I want out of life. So why then is this dear Leo still single?

It’s because I’m still in love with someone. My love interest wants kids, and I never have. He wants to stay in Alberta while I'm In Ontario, the other side of Canada. We tried to make it work. It doesn’t stop me from joking that once his kids are grown and he gets a divorce we will get back together. It is pretty hard for the new guy or gal to compete with that. We explored open relationships and non-traditional polyamory styles, but nothing has stuck. Or rather, nobody new has stuck around.

Going into 2021 I’m actually okay with that.

In December of 2019, I gave up on dating for a while. I think it was making me sick honestly—the excessive messages that lead to ghosting, the worry that the other person doesn’t actually get me, the emotional rollercoaster of finding someone I think I will really like then being immediately turned off by the initial interactions. Feeling unsafe. Dating is hard and as a woman that is in touch with her body, there are those extra layers I’m always wrestling with. Can I trust this person to respect the word no? Am I even sexually compatible with this person? Sure, we had a great conversation but is there anything more here?

As the pandemic stretched on and on, I realized I am far happier deleting all the dating apps and focusing on my passions. Plus, if I ever feel the need to curl up next to a warm body, I have my pillows and a heating pad to save me. I think this Leo will keep spreading good omens, exploring new directions, and sharing my thoughts with the world. I hope you like them.

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Everything is connected. Written by Kelsey Reich on February 26/2021 in Ontario, Canada.