The Full Spectrum: Sexuality, Gender & Relationships

I’m back on the dating apps and I’m getting the question, “What does polyamory mean?” Or, “Are you gay?” So, it seems there is still a need for articles such as this that break down the shades of sexuality, relationship structures, and gender. When we are young many of us were taught in binary terms. Black or white. Male or female. Straight or not. Binary is computer coding and cannot adequately explain the complexity of life.

Everything exists on a spectrum. Even my description of a sliding scale is inadequate to explain the full range of sexuality, gender, and relationship structures. It is more like a cube, with extremes being placed at the corners of that cube.

Sexuality

The sliding scale for sexuality ranges from heterosexual (being attracted to the opposite sex only) to homosexual (being attracted exclusively to the same sex). Then we have the various identities in between. Bisexual sits in the middle (being attracted to both sexes) and it is possible for a bisexual person to be more attracted to men or more attracted to women so they may not sit squarely in the center of the spectrum. It is also important to note that sexual attraction can be different from emotional or romantic attraction. Other sexuality definitions include:

Queer – An umbrella term for being neither cisgender nor heterosexual.

Lesbian – Women being attracted to women.

Gay – Being attracted to the same sex. Men being attracted to men or women to women.

Asexual – Do not experience sexual attraction to any gender. But could experience romantic attraction.

Greysexual – Rarely experience sexual attraction.

Demisexual – Only experience sexual attraction after a strong intimate connection is formed.

Hypersexual – Experience attraction to physical appearance without needing an intimate connection.

Nonsexual – Without sexual activity but could still include romance.

Pansexual – Sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards a person regardless of sex or gender identity. May consider themselves gender-blind.

Panromantic – Have romantic feelings for others regardless of sex or gender.

Skoliosexual or ceterosexual – Being attracted to nonbinary genders.

Aromantic – Do not experience romantic attraction to any gender. But could experience sexual attraction.

Gender

Don’t confuse gender with sex which is limited to sexual reproduction. Gender is a human construct that has become increasingly complex as new terms are defined. While it can include biological sex, it also includes social and cultural structures.

Male – We probably know how to define “male” but even this gender exists on a spectrum. Everyone knows the stereotypes but with billions of people on the planet, not every man is going to fit into said stereotypes.

Female – Again, self-explanatory.

Cisgender or Gender Binary – Someone that does identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.

Nonbinary – An umbrella term. Does not identify as either male or female.

Transgender – Someone that does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. They may have been identified as male but feel female or vice versa.

Agender – Those that don’t identify with any gender.

Genderqueer or Queer – Feeling they are a combination of, between, or beyond genders.

Intersex – May be a combination of male and female or somewhere outside of each gender restraint.

Two-spirited – An Indigenous North American term. This person embodies a masculine and feminine spirit. Sometimes considered a third-gender.

Relationships

Just as sexuality and gender exist on a spectrum, relationships can too. Of course, we all know what monogamy is. Two people having a closed relationship.

Nonmonogamy – This is a broad umbrella term for relationships that don’t fit into monogamy.

Monogamish – Coined by Dan Savage, this term refers to a mostly monogamous relationship that may become nonmonogamous under particular circumstances.

Polygamy – Not to be confused with polyamory. This is where one person marries a number of other people. Usually associated with cults and generally perceived as a negative term by polyamorous people.

Polyamory – Having consensual, ethical, non-monogamous relationships with more than one person. This can take many forms including triads, throuples, etc. There are many terms that fit within polyamory to further define a relationship structure.

Poly-Fidelity – Similar to polyamory, but in a closed structure.

Queer Platonic or Co-Parenting – Building a platonic life with someone. This could be with friends and may involve raising kids in a relationship that does not include sex or romance.

Swinging – Committed couples having sexual relations with other couples or people.

Open – This is another broad umbrella term similar to nonmonogamy. Refers to a relationship being open to explore other sexual or romantic partners.

Closed – A relationship that is not open to adding other sexual or romantic partners.

Even this article I’m writing is incredibly limited in scope and does not go into the complexity of each term. I currently identify as bisexual and polyamorous but that could change in the future. What I want romantically may differ from what I am sexually attracted to. People change. We are not zeros and ones existing in a machine.

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Everything is connected. Written by Kelsey Reich on April 27/2021 in Ontario, Canada.