Speak Up

A kind word aptly spoken may be the very token that a single soul needed and pleaded for all through last night. Listen to such intuition and pay close attention to that still, tiny voice. At the end of the day it is your choice, yes. But, when you lay your head down on your pillow for nightly repose, will you swallow regret for not speaking up? Or, for not heeding your darling intuition? Whether you are in the darkest alleyway or Waffle House eating pancakes, make no mistake. Listen and heed, thereby doing yourself and others no ill misdeed.

There have been two people in my life who committed suicide who were brief acquaintances of mine. I want to preface this by saying that I do not have any regrets of what I said or didn't say to either of them. For both situations I did lean on my intuition to a certain degree and I am deeply thankful for this. While I am changing their names here (out of respect for their families), I would like to share both experiences here.

When I was 19 I was blessed with the opportunity of working at international Christian organization in Streamwood, Chicago for a non-paid internship. The internship included quite a bit of traveling. One of the trips that I took with the director of the organization was to California. While I was here for a conference, I met Charles. Immediately I was drawn to Charles of some reason. He appeared to be in his mid-forties and seemed to have some kind of disability or disorder that I could not pinpoint at first. He seemed quirky, but very funny. During the conference a group of us went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant and I remember chatting with Charles while chowing down on some lo mein. I later found out that he had three or four different personalities. The personality that I had met was the teenager version of himself, but apparently there were some other, less amiable personalities that he possessed. At the time I was not under the impression that Charles was depressed or suicidal, but of course I had just met him. Also, I had only met one of his personalities. I left California to fly back to Chicago and about three days later I was informed that Charles committed suicide. I was extremely sad to hear this news and I was grieved for his family and loved ones. Of course I wondered and questioned myself after this.

Could I have done or said something more to have helped prevent him from killing himself? Why would he do this? How long had he been suffering with hopeless thoughts? Had he attempted before? What signs had he given that weren't noticed by anyone?

Fast forward to this year, eight years later from this first incident, just a few months ago, I met Nathan. I live in central Florida and go to a small local church near to where I live. Nathan came to service on a Sunday morning and as soon as I saw him I knew immediately that he was troubled, impulsive, and had gone through some dark times. I remember taking time to get to know him, asking him questions about himself. He loved music and told me about some songs he had created. After service was over I remember hearing him play the piano a little bit and being impressed. A couple friends and I invited him to eat lunch at Taco Bell after service was over. We ate our food in the car because Taco Bell didn't allow seating inside due to Covid-19. Nathan finished his food and I offered him one of my extra burritos, which he didn't take. He opened up and talked some about his horrible family life and how they hated him. I got his phone number and throughout the week texted him some encouraging words. He came back to church one more week, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him as much this time. A few days after his second week coming to church, I found out that he committed suicide. Then came the questions:

God, why did he do this? He was so gifted musically. Did his family really hate him like he said? Could we have offered him somewhere else to live? Should we have gotten him some kind of help? Had he been contemplating suicide a long time? He was so young...

My purpose in writing about this to share my experience and to encourage you to speak life over people and by that I mean encourage them, point out the great qualities in them, pray with them, and love them for who they are. You just don't know how long you may be able to have interaction with someone. Whether you know someone for a day, a week, or all your life, please treat them with kindness and love. Love people with your words, with your time, with your acts of service, and with small gifts that will show them you care. Trust your intuition if you get the sense that they are struggling with depression, self-harm, or suicide, then encourage them to seek professional help, mental health counseling, or inpatient treatment. People matter far too much for us not to speak up and advocate for them. People Matter.