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Signs That You're Not a Priority to Him

Is it all in your head? Are you unreasonable? Watch for the signs that you're not a priority to him, to figure out where you really stand.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 7 years ago 7 min read

There's nothing quite as hurtful as getting the sinking feeling that your partner doesn't see you as a priority, especially if you really want to be with him. I ought to know; the father of my child did that until there was no semblance of self-esteem left in me.

Feeling that way is painful — brutally so. It's a kind of pain that makes you question your sanity; it eats away at your self-worth in a way few other things can. In cases where all you want is a happy relationship, getting this impression can make you feel betrayed, robbed, and hurt.

From what I've seen, guys are more guilty of seeing relationships as an afterthought than girls are. That being said, it happens to all kinds of people; and the best remedy for someone who sees you as an option is to just leave.

For some of us with low-self esteem, the problem that usually keeps people in relationships isn't a selfish partner. The problem is actually figuring out if it's time to go; and if it's really as bad as you think it is.

In many cases, people actually are still their partner's priorities, even if it doesn't feel that way. Figuring out where you really stand can take a bit of time, but if you watch for signs you're not a priority to him you'll be able to figure out your stance.

You feel alone, very alone.

One of the most obvious signs you're not a priority to him is how you feel. Do you feel like you're alone a lot more than you are "together" with someone? If you regularly find yourself acting like a "married single lady," chances are that it's because you are.

From what I've noticed, it takes a lot to make a person feel alone in a relationship. That feeling usually means that you fend for yourself most of the time, and that you don't ever get good emotional support from your partner.

If you feel alone in your relationship, you might be better off living the single life. After all, there's no reason why you should carry his dead weight.

Your partner makes unilateral decisions without even consulting you.

This is one of those signs that you're not a priority to him, and that you might already be headed for a breakup. Usually, this starts with invitations or career issues first — and then becomes apparent everywhere else.

If you're in a serious relationship, ask yourself if what he's done or would do in the following situations:

  • Did he ask you how you felt about him moving 40 minutes away for work, or did he just do it?
  • When he made plans with friends, did he ask if you wanted to come, or did he just show up at 3 AM regardless?

A good indicator that he doesn't really care about you is how he handles these things. If he basically tells you that you should "just deal with it," he doesn't see you as a priority; nor does he care if the decision hurts you.

He puts certain people above you, all the damned time.

If you find yourself feeling like you're in a love triangle, it's often because you are — even if the other person is just platonic. In a healthy romantic relationship, you will be the one who he's most worried about pleasing, followed by his boss and parents.

A man who loves and prioritizes his partner will never continually put other people over her; because he knows that'll make her upset. If you regularly find him prioritizing his parents over you, or dropping plans with you to work more, those are serious signs that you're not a priority to him.

Most guys who do this tend to do it with their families, being the "other woman" in this weird love triangle. In some cases, it's because they have emotional incest issues. In other cases, it's because he simply doesn't have boundaries or actually does want you gone.

There's a reason why so many divorces happen due to bad in-laws. If you find yourself constantly being asked to live up to his mother's standards or to "just deal" with extreme behavior from his parents, he doesn't see you as a priority — and likely never will. So, it's best to walk if you notice this happening.

He's always late, stands you up, and forgets important dates.

Once again, this is one of those signs that you're not a priority to him that's pretty obvious. If he can't be bothered to make it to a date on time, or can't be bothered to remember things that are important to you, he either doesn't care or is the world's most scatterbrained person.

He doesn't make time for you.

Even Jay-Z, with his millions of dollars and crazy concerts, finds time for his Queen Bey. Busy guys will always make time for things they care about. If he's not making time for you, you need not worry about other signs that you're not a priority to him — it's already clear as day where you stand.

He doesn't change when you call him out on bad behavior.

You caught him cheating, he still talks to the other woman. You begged him to stop prioritizing work so much, he just took an extra shift. You asked him to be more romantic, he went out bowling. You told him you need him to pull his weight, he decided to watch NFL. Sound familiar?

If a guy doesn't want to change despite seeing you upset, you're not his priority. It doesn't take that much effort to find things to do other than cheat, nor does it take too much effort to try to talk things out. If he's not willing to change, it's because he doesn't care enough to change.

You're pretty sure that he's using you.

Whether it's for sex, money, or shelter, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you're feeling used, and he's getting what he wants without having your needs met. After all, if your needs were met, you wouldn't feel used, would you?

People who prioritize you do not use you; and they definitely do not make you feel used. If you're getting this vibe, it's time to break up.

You find yourself getting desperate for attention or affection.

Here's something people don't often want to admit: affection is a human need. So is attention. Have you ever seen what happens to a partner who's starved for affection? It's bad. Like, real bad. As in, people end up with eating disorders, depression, rage issues, and more, because of that.

A person who makes you feel that way is not prioritizing you at all. This is especially true if you've approached them explaining that you need more attention or affection to be happy.

When a man doesn't care enough to make your needs met, he's sending out a number of signs that you're not a priority to him.

He's also saying a lot by doing this, too.

He's saying that you're not worth keeping happy, that your needs don't matter, and that he doesn't care that he's hurting you. None of this is acceptable to anyone — which is why you need to leave if you find yourself feeling desperate for him to be attentive once more.

You're pretty sure that the relationship would end if you stopped putting in effort.

At this point, you're not doing much aside from putting a square peg in a round hole. It may be better to just stop kowtowing to his demands, cease catering to him, and start looking for greener pastures.

You end up asking yourself why you're not enough to make him prioritize you.

This is one of those signs that you're not a priority to him that really messes with you. Bearing the brunt of all that negligence messes with your self-esteem, and can make even the most emotionally stolid people feel insecure.

I've been there. I wondered why I was never enough. It tortured me. Straight up, it killed me inside. Why were all his friends and family above me? Why didn't he want to spend time with me? Was I even on his priority list?

Then, I realized something I need to tell you:

Guess what — you are enough. The problem is that you're so giving and so loving, he's not enough for you. You are not the problem; the fact that others can't see all you do for them is. I repeat, you are not the problem, his selfishness is.

The funny thing about selfishness and stupidity is that it does come back to bite you in the butt. Good partners, ones who make an effort to keep you happy, are hard to find. If you did all you could to make him happy, and hedoesn't bother doing the same, he should learn that lesson himself.

Nothing you can say or do will change the fact that some people are just fucking stupid. If he's too stupid to see what value you have, dump his ass. At the very least, you can end up treating yourself better, and later get smug when he begs you to come back once he realizes what he's lost.

He doesn't tell you anything.

A man who opens up to his spouse is a man who prioritizes her, and wants her input. If he's constantly secretive, never wants to share his day, and doesn't bother trying to reach out to you, you're not a priority to him.


About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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