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Why You're Single (Even Though You're Awesome)

There can be many, many reasons why you're single despite being a catch. Trust me, it's not your fault.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 6 years ago 9 min read
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One thing that many people can attest to is the sheer number of awesome, loving, and beautiful single women there are out there — all wondering why they're single.

Being single could be great, but the truth is that most of us really do want to have a special someone to come home to. It can be incredibly difficult to be the only single person in your group of friends, hard to deal with people asking you to explain your singledom, and just exhausting to try to be "open but not desperate" for a lover/spouse/partner.

I ought to know, I was there not too long ago. The truth is that getting a significant other isn't easy, especially with the toxic attitudes so many people have when it comes to choosing a life partner.

It's also hard to actually figure out what keeps you single — and it can be emotionally taxing, too. When I was single, I just wanted to know why. Why was it, that while everyone else had no issue finding The One, I struggled so hard with it? Was there a magical husband store I didn't know about?

If you're wondering why you're single even though you've always been told you're great, these are often the reasons why.

People are shallow motherfuckers, and can't look past stupid, shallow things.

Of all the reasons why you're single, this might be one of the most heartbreaking. It's also one of the most common, because we live in such a disgustingly shallow society.

This was what killed my ability to find a partner for so long — and it also had the added side effect of effectively killing any faith I had in a certain gender. When I was recovering from a life-threatening illness, I gained about 80 pounds.

That weight gain not only made me invisible to men, but also seemed to give them the magical permission to insult me, berate me, and treat me like dirt. I lost the weight, and all of a sudden, the same guys who would have just ignored me, wanted me.

Yeah, fuck that.

I'd say it's a "men only" issue from personal experience, but the truth is that women are just as guilty of this as men are. One guy even made a fake Tinder profile to prove how much women would let slide as long as the guy who was acting inappropriately was handsome.

Shallowness is what makes us look at a person's appearance, the clique they have, their job title, and celeb status. Sadly, a lot of gems get overlooked because people can't see what they have to offer in terms of love, personality, loyalty, humor, and support.

Being in a relationship's not a priority.

If you're reading an article on reasons why you're single, it's possible that you might already know this to be a major contributor. If you're not going out, meeting people, trying new things, or putting effort into relationships, you're probably going to end up staying single.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with going your own way, especially if you feel you have to get healthy before you're in a relationship once more. However, if you want a relationship, you have to start prioritizing finding someone.

You can't expect someone to just magically show up into your life. No work means no payoff.

Your dating pool is in need of chlorine.

One of the reasons why dating is so hard these days is that there really aren't enough people out there who are good choices for long-term relationships.

A lot of us either have totally skewed ideas of how love works, don't see others as human beings, don't have the courage it takes to be in a committed relationship, or otherwise just lack social skills needed to remain a good partner.

Men are checking out of the dating scene in droves and so are women. Why? Because when so many people are so terrible to one another, it's only natural for people to stop seeing the payoff as worth it. No one in their right mind can blame them, either. It's bad out there.

Certain dating pools are a lot better than others. So, if you keep trying in one dating pool and failing, it may be time to switch up tactics.

What you're attracted to, and what's actually relationship material are two different things.

I know a LOT of people out there who have a knack for gravitating towards the worst human beings out there. Many of them know it, too, and as a result, choose to stay single rather than try to maintain a relationship with someone who isn't capable of being a healthy partner.

If you're chasing after people who are perennial players, or who have more issues than Playboy, you are not going to be in a (good) relationship anytime soon. Work to get an attraction to a more emotionally available person, and you will probably have a lot more success.

Your lifestyle is not compatible with relationships.

A lot of single people don't even realize this is an issue until they try to date around, but it's true. You can be too busy for a relationship, especially if your work schedule involves a lot of travel, night club time, or similar craziness.

If you find yourself struggling with scheduling date night, one of the chief reasons why you're single probably deals with the fact that you don't have time to be with anyone but yourself.

You're not ready.

Most of us know when we're ready for a relationship. If you're not ready, forcing it will not do you much good. Sometimes, it really is a matter of fate and being at the right place at the right time. This is a healthy reason to be single, and often ensures your relationship will be a good one.

You have standards and won't budge on them.

There's nothing wrong with having standards, and wanting someone that meets those standards. However, this also can be one of the key reasons why you're single despite being a great catch.

While having standards is absolutely crucial for a healthy, lasting relationship and a great dating life, it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

If you are looking for someone who has way more than what you have to offer them, you may be shooting yourself in the foot — at least, if you want a relationship you can realistically have. This is why many people will have crazy standards for a relationship as a defense mechanism when they're secretly commitment-phobic.

Our society always tells us never to settle, and to a point, that's true. You shouldn't settle because it will build resentment between you two, even if your partner tries their hardest to please you.

If you've been struggling with finding a partner, ask yourself if you're being reasonable with your standards. Does your date really need to be an Adonis to make you happy? Do they have to be a Leo or Scorpio to date you? Looks and zodiac signs only go so far in the long term, you know.

Though you're awesome, you're carrying baggage that makes you unapproachable or undateable.

Once again, I've been there — and it's part of the reason why I am so aggressively against the way modern dating makes us behave. Bad things happen to good people, and bad people happen to good people, too. Unfortunately, you can't expect to walk away from trauma unscathed.

Everyone has baggage, some more than others. If you have serious emotional trauma due to the dating scene, you may need to stay single in order to sort things out. Once you're back to being healthy, dating will be an option again.

Until you get stuff sorted, you won't really be able to have a healthy relationship. Most people will recognize that, even if you try to hide it, too. If you send off unstable, hurt, or angry vibes, people will avoid you, and that will be the main reason why you're single.

You refuse to stick up for yourself and walk away from people who disrespect you.

Ever notice how some of the sweetest people are the ones who get treated the worst? I did, primarily because I was a classic doormat for a long, long time. The funny thing is that being that sweet and caring doesn't always translate well into dating.

In fact, if anything, being too nice and refusing to call people out on their stuff will hurt your chances at dating. The only people that want doormats are users; and frankly, they'll quickly learn not to treat you with respect.

With most people, the more you give, the less you get. If you notice someone making you uncomfortable or straight up telling you they will not want a relationship with you, you need to leave.

At the very least, you won't have wasted your time and set yourself up for failure by trying to convince someone that you're worth it. At most, you will have saved precious time and gotten an apology from someone who acted like a jackass. It's a win-win.

You're a late bloomer.

Late bloomers can and do exist. I ought to know, I am one. The thing about late bloomers is that they tend to be major "Ugly Ducklings" in the dating scene and in their careers.

So, while you may have been seen as "not marriage material" in the past, there's no saying that the people who rejected you before won't be eating their words later on.

An old saying I've heard is that whoever blooms last, blooms best. So, keep that in mind when you're trying to work out reasons why you're single despite being an amazing partner.

Sometimes, it's just not in the cards.

This is one of the most brutal truths about dating out there — and sadly, it's one that we can't always change. Whether it's fair or not, there will be people out there who will never find a special someone.

It's sad, yes, but it's true. But, it doesn't have to be sad. The chances of you being in this category are still really, really small. Most people do marry at least once in their lives, so don't panic. Just, you know, give it time and be open to it.

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About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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