Self-Love Languages

Do you know a fascinating discovery that I had recently?

Your love languages aren't just to teach others how to love you; they're also to teach you how to love yourself.

Like many people my age, I took the 5 Love Languages Quiz years ago and found my results - physical touch was the highest, followed by words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service at the bottom.

I always thought of love languages to be something to share with a romantic partner to help them better understand how you need to be loved. As I got older, I learned the importance of loving other people, not just a partner, using their primary love languages as well. This is an area of life where I feel like I'm constantly learning and growing, especially as I open up and learn from new friends.

I've even learned that, just because one love language is your primary, it doesn't mean that you should ignore the other ones; they all have their place in your life, and many of them are connected as well.

For example, I love hearing words of affirmation from my boyfriend while we're spending quality time together. On a hike with a particularly steep hill, I needed to pause to catch my breath and knead out the stitch in my side resulting from my lack of stamina. But that was the only time that I stopped since I was determined to push myself to keep going. On the way home, I remarked how sore I was going to be. He told me that he was proud of me for only stopping once, and I felt so amazing at that moment.

While I obviously enjoy my love languages being attended to by him, I'm also learning the importance of attending to them for myself.

Words of affirmation are high on my list, and my biggest struggle has been to speak positively to myself. Despite my active work on it, I still catch myself saying negative things about my body, or the way that I think. "You know I'm a little slow." I'll catch myself saying. I didn't think those kinds of comments were negative, but I've come to realize that they do have an impact on my mental health. If I start my day off by telling myself something positive, like "you're so pretty. You did an amazing job putting this outfit together, you look so good in it!" I get a natural high that carries throughout the day. I've even caught myself praising my work at the end of a school day, whether it be the way I taught a lesson or the way that my planning paid off. It feels so amazing that I'm able to give myself a boost, and helps me to realize the power in my own words.

I didn't realize that I've always been good at giving myself quality time. My introverted nature leads me to love time spent alone, whether reading, journaling, gaming, or just binge-watching a TV show (about two episodes at a time before I feel like I need to get up and move around). My friends all know that my social battery doesn't last very long, and they generally don't invite me to things that they know will overwhelm me. So I spend a lot of nights and Saturdays alone, and that's just fine with me.

Receiving gifts is another thing that I've unconsciously been doing for myself. My weekly Dunkin' Donuts run before I run errands has become a habit, now - especially since I'm more focused on watching what I eat and meal prepping, it's nice to just grab myself a little treat. This is also why Target is a little dangerous (for everyone), since I'll go in for one thing and think "hm. I have been wanting a (candle/set of pens/notebook/set of towels/etc.)" and end up leaving with more than I planned. I've gotten more money-conscious as I've gotten older, but I will still treat myself.

Acts of service is one that I do struggle with - though, the more that I think about it, the more I realize that I do use this language with myself. I clean weekly, do laundry, and keep myself organized. Meal prep is probably one of the biggest acts of service that I do for myself, though it takes several hours out of my Sunday afternoon. However, throughout the rest of the week when all that I have to do is pop dinner into the microwave and I have more time to work on what I want instead of cooking, I thank past me for doing it.

And finally, physical touch. My highest love language, and honestly the one that I was most at a loss for when examining how I use the love languages for myself. But then I was able to identify things that I do to address it. I get pedicures every three weeks. I take the time for my skincare routine and love the feel of my skin being soft and moisturized. I take pride in being able to do my own hair for the most part, and the weekly washes (though I complain about the time that it takes to do them), allow me the time to massage my scalp and enjoy the feeling of clean afterwards.

It's taken some time for me to realize how important it is to use all of these languages when taking care of myself. But now that I know, I'm doing my best to be intentional in using them.

If you haven't thought about love languages this way, why don't you give it a shot?