Self Love is self mastery

We come out of the womb attached to our mothers until the umbilical cord is cut.

We continue to be nurtured at home and through schooling as we are dependent on others until we grow independent and learn to nurture those who have cared for us, our family, our friends, we enter into relationships, we don’t always choose right, but we give love and figure it out as we get to know ourselves along the way.

It’s natural for us to congregate, to form attachments, to feel part of something, whether it be through a group, a shared hobby, supporting the same football team, a religion, a community, it is human nature to want to feel loved and to belong.

So with so much emphasis on togetherness and giving out, it is important to ask yourself are you giving yourself back the care and nurture you put out?

Or are you doing too much? Often this is a balancing act.

It’s important to stop and take time for yourself along the way.

1; Sacred Space

Whether you are running a household, juggling jobs, family, career. Make sure you have a space for just ‘YOU’

Try 15 minutes out of your day, without a disturbance, you may have to plan this if you have a family but it’s important to have this time for YOU.

Take a bath, quieten the noise, turn off the TV. Do something that relaxes you, light a candle, listen to music that makes you feel relaxed, how about a meditation on YouTube? When you are still, you can tune into your body and thoughts to reflect, simply ‘reset’ your mind. With stillness comes clarity.

Meditation may start off with ‘busy thoughts’ unable to switch off but with daily practise it will become easier. If you need to, write a list of your thoughts to get them out of your mind before you meditate then do this first and then in your head or out aloud..

Ask your mental, physical, emotional and physical body to quieten down and take a deep breath

This is YOU time!

2. Learn to say NO!

How many times have you commited to things you feel ‘you have to do’ but don’t really want to?

When you are tired and run down but you keep on going because you’ve commited to something.

It’s okay to stop, it’s okay to say no, we are human not machines! Listen to your body, know when it’s time to rest and when it’s time to do.

You don’t have to have an excuse, you just have to honour your own needs, say NO and arrange another time. And if it’s something you really have to do, plan around it best you can for rest time.

3; Do what you love (sounds obvious right?!)

Do you know what makes you tick?

Do you give yourself time to do what you love?

Don’t deprive yourself from pleasure, we are all entitled to do what we love, often the things you love don’t cost a thing!

Okay! Some things we would love to do, cost money but these can be worked towards and will be worth the wait when you can afford them or have the time to do them!

Why not write a list of all the things that are free that make you happy?

Feed your soul with life’s simple pleasures. Some of mine;

1. DANCING- whether on my own or with my local Zumba or pole fitness group.

2. MUSIC-Listening to music..something for every mood!

3. SINGING-it feels good to let it all out!

4. SUNSHINE Getting out in the Sunshine provides vitamin d and increase serotonin levels.

5. OUTDOORS- Get back to nature..some earthing and even some exercise if you are out walking in the local park

6. ANIMALS-A cats purr can release endorphins in humans and how happy does it make you feel when you see a happy dog wagging its tail at you?

(If you don’t have your own, you could agree to volunteer as a dog walker or cat sitter)

7. CHILDREN- being with children makes you feel young at heart, I love the time with my nephew, you learn a lot from children. I enjoy the playground just as much as he does! I guess children 24/7 is a different story!

8. FOOD- it should be up higher in the list but I have a belly full so I guess it’s why it is here!

I’m a foody, it excites me to eat food & taste food. It feels good to eat good. I love planning meals and love watching food programmes yet I rarely cook cook! (Probably because it’s just me) see what happens with that mindset? it’s not self care if you don’t eat right!

It also feels good to have a treat now and again, but most importantly strike a balance so don’t feel bad for not sticking to your food rules.

Listen to your body, get a food rhythm that suits you. I’m prone to comfort/emotional eating but I’m aware of it. So once again, strike a balance and when you eat well, remember how good it made you feel.

9. FAMILY, FRIENDS/PARTNER TIME- When did you last have a good belly laugh? Surround yourself with those who inspire, uplift, listen, care & support your growth, aspirations and dreams.

10. SCENTS & BEAUTY- I love fragrances, because it can set the mood, the fragrance you wear, the incense you burn, what is your favourite smell?

I love sitting by a log fire and the lingering woody smoky smell.

Also taking time to do hair and make up and wearing something you feel good in.

You can ‘paint’ a look to suit your mood, think of it as an art form, enhancing beauty, choosing the right colours for your day ahead.

Equally, days make up’ free to give your skin a break is also honouring the cycle of love and self care.

11. SEX-this is not exclusive to those in a relationship, self pleasure is important for getting to know yourself and an important part of honouring our needs for pleasure. Setting aside time for all aspects of pleasure are important.

12. WATER THERAPY- I love a long soak, cocooned in warm water.

The sound of the sea sat on the beach or even watching a brook or a stream. The sound of water is calming and therapeutic.

13. SPIRITUAL BASED ACTIVITIES-This is number 1 in terms of honouring myself and looking after my well-being, a day doesn’t go by without meditation, using crystals, reiki or self affirming talk to keep a positive mindset and my vibration as high as can be. We all need to do what feels right for us. Have you tried Yoga or meditation? They have so many health benefits and invoke calm and reduce dress levels.

14. EXERCISE-from taking a walk, to something more strenuous will release the endorphins. I’m a big fan of fun fitness such as Zumba and Roller skating!

15: REST & SLEEP- Doing nothing is as important as doing something, it’s all about recognising the need for rest to look after your needs. An average adult requires 7 hours sleep, sometimes we need less, sometimes more, listen to your body as it changes with the seasons, light stimulates us whilst darkness can make us feel like curling up under the duvet.

16; SELF EXPRESSION- we all have our own way of doing things that make us unique, we may gravitate to certain activities which help express ourselves, making us feel good, from writing, drawing, art, cooking, baking, journaling, comedy, crafting, playing games, an activity that releases a piece of us.

Go find what you need to fill yourself up with extra love and care.

Love Victoria x