Revenge on Your Ex-partner: Does It Help You or Consume Your Energy in Vain?

Does revenge on your ex-partner help you in any way? Is it a step towards healing and forgetting the end relationship or is it a blockage that prevents you from moving on with your life?

In any case, it is an extremely popular act among abandoned and betrayed partners: a niche has even appeared on the market dedicated to acts of revenge on former partners. In some countries, you can buy voodoo dolls with which to punish your ex, macabre divorce cakes (with the deceased groom!), Coffins in which you bury your relationship; you can even deliver a dead fish order home to your ex-partner!…

So, if so many people do it, maybe revenge on the ex-partner helps in the process of healing and forgetting the relationship. Or maybe it's just the simplest way, the way many hope to soothe their wounded hearts. People tend to choose the simpler path, even if it is not often the healthy and constructive one.

Instead of mourning your relationship, going through the painful process of healing and forgetting, you prefer to stage an act of revenge by which, hopefully, you get rid of the ghosts of the relationship… Does it work?

Revenge on the ex-partner - the most popular methods:

Destruction of objects valued by the former. The most popular act of revenge is undoubtedly the destruction of objects that were valued by the former partner. Not so much as to boil his pet (psychopath's alarm!), But the destruction of something he liked very much, possibly leaving the remains in plain sight…

Disclosing the embarrassing secrets of the former. Another act of revenge on the former is the disclosure of the little intimate things that the partner did not reveal to anyone, shameful or embarrassing secrets, from details about intimate life to strange habits to memories of youth to his opinion about certain people. (making him/her laugh in front of his / her friends or, better yet, in front of the person he/she starts dating is favorite revenge)…

"Harassment" of the former - sending messages telling him how horrible he is; insults that touch his sensitive points (as a former partner, you know what to say so that he is affected), words that make him/her feel like the last person on earth…

The ritual of throwing mud. It is perhaps the most "good" act of revenge because it is not addressed directly to the former - it remains unaffected. It's about meeting friends and talking about your ex-partner, doing it with egg and vinegar.

All your friends will say something bad about your ex, so you can see how good it is that you got rid of such a creature, who doesn't even deserve to be called a human being. He throws himself in the mud, humiliates and offends, makes mean jokes, eventually burns a photo as a last symbolic gesture…

Revenge on your ex-partner - does it help you?

On the one hand, revenge on your ex-partner may mean that you are advancing in the healing process, in overcoming the breakup: you have a long way to go before you get there, but the mere fact that you are thinking of "paying" them by some act means many times you have gone through the phase of vain hopes of reconciliation and the phase of isolation and lamentation.

You have reached the stage of resentment, in which you are tired of sitting alone and mourning your lost relationship and you want to act, to do something to relieve yourself emotionally.

On the other hand, when you have thoughts of revenge on your ex-partner, you are still far from moving forward with your life. Your thoughts and feelings are still focused on the relationship and the past. Even if you no longer hope for reconciliation and stop crying every night, you have not detached yourself from the past at all.

You cannot go forward and you are not healed: for this means letting go of what has happened in the past, even in a way, forgiving everything you have done, and seeing your life. It means giving up thinking and trying to feel nothing about your ex-partner (as long as you feel hatred, you are far from over separation; after all, hatred and love are two sides of the same coin).

Does it help? When you want revenge, you have a lot of negative emotions in you - and revenge is a destructive way to try to release them. Yes - at the moment, you happen to feel a discharge, to feel that the tension, that all the emotions of hatred, anger, pain, humiliation are released through the act of revenge.

You may even feel a sweet sensation - you have given your ex-partner what he deserves… But it is all too often a temporary discharge - through a destructive act, you cannot heal from negative emotions! They will come back, they will haunt you, they will not let you leave behind the past and reconcile yourself with what happened.

A destructive act - such as revenge - cannot have constructive, beneficial, healthy effects. You may feel the need to free yourself, but it is useful to know that by acting aggressively, the emotions you think you are getting rid of at the moment, that you are freeing yourself, actually become even more negative (if possible).

In addition, don't act out of anger - maybe once you clear your mind, you'll feel ashamed of what you've done.

After all, although it can be a "cure" when you feel like exploding without acting, the healthiest and best "revenge" is to rebuild your life, to remember who you were before this relationship, and to show your ex-partner that you live well and thank you and without him/her…