Remembering the Basics of Civility

In any society, there’s a thin line between civilization and barbarism. When we are civil with each other, when we say what we mean and when we do what we say, we will be better off for having maintained the basic standards of civility. Without civility, there is no civilization to come from that.

There are many forms of civility and I have written already at length about the need to be honest, truthful, be emotionally mature, and to treat others the way you would like to be treated. Beyond these tenets, I think it is important to remember the basics of civility in terms of everyday behavior, which is about establishing boundaries, using good manners, and fully recognizing the other person or people you are dealing with.

In addition to the rise of anti-social behavior since the pandemic and perhaps on the decline even beforehand, there has also been a lack of civility and poor behavior in public whether it’s with colleagues, strangers, or just another person who you are passing by on the street. Some of the behaviors that reflect a lack of overall civility include not greeting someone formally or informally, not making eye contact, lack of a handshake upon greeting that person(s), and perhaps what would be the most basic is the ability to say ‘hello’ or ‘good morning / afternoon / evening’ when you see someone or meet someone.

Basic greetings form the backbone of any civil society and if you cannot take the time to look up from your phone or laptop or to take 5-10 seconds to acknowledge that person in the language that you both speak, then it makes me wonder if civilized behavior is on a permanent decline, rather than a temporary one. Greetings are more than just communication but it’s a way of ‘seeing’ that person beyond them just being in relative proximity to you. When you say ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or acknowledge them with a formal ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’ in English or in the equivalent of another language, you will make that person feel better. You’re letting them know that you know they are there, that you recognize who they are, and appreciate the fact that you get to see them in some small way.

I would say that in addition to greetings, having good posture, standing up straight, walking with your head held high, not slouching, or putting your feet up on the desk or in front of the person sitting across from you, there are all common ways of maintaining civility and not being disrespectful to yourself and other people around you. It shows not just a lack of respect for yourself but to other people when you cannot maintain eye contact or look them in the eye.

A handshake that is never given when greeting someone now or is lackluster in its firmness or strength also shows a lack of social awareness or respect for having neglected it. If you know the person well enough, giving a hug is not a weird or out of place action and shows that you care for the other person to let them know that. Standing up straight, making eye contact, greeting the person respectfully, giving them your full attention, etc. are all necessary actions to maintain civility before diving into the deeper aspects of maintaining a civilization or a society that is not on the decline in terms of its overall behavior patterns or standards.

Having respect for another person also means getting up for an injured / disabled person, an elderly person, or a pregnant woman if you are on a bus, train, or other public transportation to let them sit down instead of you. Holding the door open for another person is also polite, kind, and a sign that you are not just thinking of yourself and are able to think of other people who need a little bit of help, especially if they could be your neighbor or need aid if they have heavy groceries or may have their hands full.

If you really want to maintain classy and dignified behavior, pouring a drink for another person or proposing a toast in their honor or even pulling the chair out for a loved one or a relative is a great way to maintain the civility of our collective behavior that keeps our civilization or general society functioning.

Nobody also likes to have their time wasted regardless of the appointment or meeting whether it’s an interview, a date, a social engagement, or a dinner / lunch outing. Make sure you are on time or a few minutes early, and while this is not universal across cultures, I do think being on time and keeping your word allows for societal advancement and for civilized behavior to flourish. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being 5-10-15 minutes late here and there, but if you don’t apologize or acknowledge your tardiness with even a basic excuse, you are letting the basic values and standards of a society degrade a bit with your lack of awareness.

You may not think these basics of societal civility matter, but they do, and I’ve noticed there has been a general decline in this area since the pandemic and even earlier. It does not cost you much to observe basic greetings, observe social graces that have been around for centuries, think of other people such as the elderly, the disabled, and the pregnant before yourself, and to do what you say, mean what you say, and to be honest and forthright.

Being reliable, being accountable, and holding yourself to a higher standard is important as well to maintaining civilization and improving one’s society. However, if you do not have the basics or the fundamentals down first, it won’t matter one bit. You must constantly be reminding yourself to observe these social attitudes, graces, and behaviors that have marked the upward trend of human civilization since ancient times.

Without making accommodations for others or thinking of others when it comes to our own behavior, we will be headed on a downward slope for which there might not be a way out from in the future. Please again remember your basics of civility when you’re in public but also in private too. Uphold the basic standards of good behavior and make sure you reinforce those kinds of standards with the people in your lives and with the stranger on the street too.