Refreshing.

It's nice. Being with someone who gets it.

It's nice. Being with someone who is so confident and secure about himself that he isn't worried about whether or not I still like him or want to be with him.

It's nice. Being with someone who when I go ghost on him, doesn't get all fucking uptight about what happened to me.

It's nice. Having the freedom to be me without needing to feel as though I need to bolster up his emotions.

It's nice when I sleepover and wake up ready to bolt out of his house because of my fear of 'what the fuck, I just slept over!?!' knowing that he is also feeling the feelings of 'what the fuck, she just slept over!?!'

It's nice to have the ability to navigate through my own stuff at my own pace without the pressure of figuring it out in a certain timeframe or worrying about how messy it is.

And most of all, it's nice to know that when he is in a similar mindset, I can give the same gift to him- freedom to be who he is without overanalyzing, pushing, or forcing the relationship to be anything that it isn't at the present moment.

It's nice to know that I don't necessarily need to send him a text or voice message because deep down, I know that he totally 100% understands me.

And when I do send him a text or voice message, it's nice knowing that it can be short and sweet without me feeling like I need to over-explain.

Being in a relationship with someone who exhibits these above qualities, for me, feels phenomenal. I feel heard, held, respected, and my heart feels full. Committed without the need to live together. Committed without the need to be with him 24/7. Committed while realizing he is his own man, and I am my own woman.

In my eyes, being with him represents the ultimate freedom in a relationship. It feels like I'm single, yet not. There is space within this thing that he and I have that allows us to grow both personally and as a couple.

I have zero intention of moving in with him as I know like I know the back of my hand that if that were to happen, this special thing we have will die.

Too much togetherness and daily life will get in the way of the special.

How do I know?

Because I know me. For the first time in my forty-nine years of living, I know myself and what I want my romantic relationships to resemble.

Some might say that I have a fear of commitment.

I argue that my fear is the fear of too much togetherness because it causes there to be no space in a relationship. Too much togetherness strips away the magic of seeing the other person as an individual who has their own dreams, thoughts, interpretations, and moods.

Too much togetherness has us take for granted who the other person is and we start to nitpick at them instead of allowing them to be them. And ultimately, too much togetherness causes a relationship to die a long, slow, painful death.

My choice is to never live with another partner ever again.

My choice is to be in a committed relationship while maintaining my love of being single and independent.

My choice is to choose me while at the same time choosing the other person without losing me in the process.

Thank you, R.S. for showing up in my life and for truly seeing me.

It's nice exactly as it is.

-Shannon