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Put a Smile on your Face

by Janine Addison 5 years ago in advice / dating
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Because only few others can do that

My peanut butter was happy to see me 

I smile today because about a month ago, I was not. I had returned from visiting my sister in Dallas. I had a wonderful time with her, hubby and my fuzzy Maltese nephews. I come back to the home I share with my boyfriend to find out that we have been evicted. Talk about buzzkill. It was just like life was like "You feel too good. Deal with this!"

I am looking at my boyfriend and his mom( who happened to be there due to her not feeling too well) and trying how the hell this occurred. The light bulb of course went off again. I say again because my boyfriend is the proverbial 'Peter Pan'. Growing up and being an adult is like a foreign language to him. I have to provide you a level of backstory to help understand this a bit better. After he divorced about 6 years ago, he was kinda stuck in a situation. He works from home but work was sporadic at best so his mom was the guarantee on the lease. This meant his parents paid the rent, cable, gas and groceries. They are basically funding their grown ass son. Now, before I get side eyes and girl what the hell were you thinking, I didn't know about the situation until much later. You know the lies we tell to save face.

Fast forward, and basically we get evicted over the gas bill. Now, I was not paying any rent and I told him because I was rebuilding my credit and getting my shit together and as we know this country likes to pay people dick to do the most. So I was rebuilding savings and credit at the same time. Now, I told him early in our relationship that I want d to move to San Diego. I visited the town in my 20s and I loved it. I was determined to get my happy ass back there because being a New Yorker is great but the weather can go somewhere. I had a conversation with my mom and she decided to donate to the cause. I didn't ask her because I know what my mom is dealing with right now. She was forced into retirement due to the arthritis in both her knees. Plus, my mom raised me to be self sufficient. You save and work for what you need. I put he money in my savings and added to it. I received my tax return so the nest egg was growing.

Fast forward and I am ready to kill him. He trying to tell me how sorry he is and his mom is trying to work a miracle. As for me, I trying to fully comprehend the situation. Since I had to work that day, I called my boss and told them the situation. They found someone to close for me. I then went to talk to both of them. I just began to cry. I sobbed that a 40 year old person should not being dealing with this. This is not what adulthood is. You are supposed to be responsible for your rent, food and any amenities that you want to have. Instead, I have to go shopping for boxes and looking for movers. Luckily, I was pro for a company that can help provide resources so that these situations are not as crazy. We then go to IHOP to figure what our next step should be. I told my bosses prior about moving to San Diego in June but this happened in late March. The universe decided to kick up the timetable so I just began to roll with it. As we sat eating breakfast, boyfriend and I decided to just pull up stakes and go west. So I paid for plane tickets and hotels and just watched my nest egg dwindle. He said that he thought I would have just dumped him then and I probably should have. He after all showed that him being an adult is a foreign concept. I could have had roommate out here and saved for my own place. I didn't though because he claimed California would open more opportunities for him to work at home plus increase his chances for voice over work. In reality, that's very true. California especially Los Angeles are we people go to fulfill their dreams.

For three weeks, we looked for apartments while hotel hopping with him bitching about shit he ain't paying for the whole time. It always amazes me how people are some comfortable griping. When you start pulling out your own dough and not your parent's, you can talk to me about your grievances. Budget Jan was in full effect. What was a blessing was finding affordable places and my job being kind enough to pay me by using my vacation so I at least had some money coming in. I unfortunately had to lie my mom because I do not want her disappointed in me. I still want to live up to the tenets she taught and I did. I was hustling looking for apartments while looking for work. I work in customer service so I figured I could find something at a retailer to just have dough coming in my account. During this time, he is looking for work and trying to get in contact with his money manager so he can have dough in pockets. I just watched and mumbled to myself because though I have my own gaslight issues, I couldn't fathom someone who knows his IQ and tell you the history of every damn movie and tv show can't get his money and grown ass life together. I had a talk with him about the fact that I was mad at him for not living up to his social contract as boyfriend and as functioning part of society. To anyone else, he is basically functioning homeless and sad to say but most of us are really a hair wary from being the same thing. I applied for a credit card to rebuild my credit and luckily was proved. I now have something to float us. My boss was kind enough during this time while at a store manager's conference talk to the district manager out here and help me transfer my job. I got to meet with the store manager for the La Jolla location and talk to him. I then waited to hear back from him all the while trying to appease my mom since she is a worry wart.

During all this the grace of the universe posted an available apartment that was within our price range so I applied and pay the application fee. I forwarded it to him and he told me later that he wasn't going to do it but because I had went through all that to get us a place to live, he filled it out. He did and the landlord called me the next day. He stated that they were showing the place that Wednesday. We scheduled and were ready. The day comes and when we show up there are at least 10 people looking at the place. I was kinda surprised but it only let me know how the housing and apartment market is out here. The apartment is great considering it is really my first place. As the tour was going along, the landlord was just telling us what they were going to fix and improve. We looked at it and were like this is good. After that tour was done, the landlord comes up to us and states since you guys paid the application fee, you have first crack for yea or nay on the place. We said yes and headed back to our hotel. Great we had a place. We of course had to ask his parents for the deposit due to my funds were gone. His parents were nice enough to help us out so that was taken care. Almost right after that I found out my job got transferred so money would be coming back into my almost patched bank account. We were both ecstatic because no more hotels and now back to being adults.

I will say that month was realistically the hardest in my life. I know people have gone through worse but this was hard because I finally had to stop stagnating myself and get off my ass. I am glad because it showed how I can really get shit done under a timeframe and be all the stronger for it. Now that the universe has put that level of kick ass in me, everything now in life is a new challenge to get over and move on to the next one.

advicedating

About the author

Janine Addison

Born and raised in the greatest city in the world NYC. Sees the world through a lens of being here for over forty years. I will wonder why people never want to do better when they can.

Instagram: Theogbklyngirl

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