Prideful Beginnings

You speak, but nothing is registered. As if you're being ignored or pushed aside. Small conversations are made to pass the time but soon becomes lost in translation. You were talking as if nothing happened but now questioning if you will be heard or not. Will the thing you said be understood? All the time wasted to build up what was believed to be happiness. Rules to change along the way & now being closer than before feeling like you've been used all over again.

Tensions high & power is challenged. When it feels like you have to explain yourself only to be ignored again like it never really mattered. You make risks to pursue what's been rushing in your head. Ignoring your own possible signs that say you shouldn't go see them. To feel good & to feel a sense of relief. To feel wanted & love even if it's not the love that's quarantined. Still you chase.

You continue to run & adjust in order to match their level of "normal". The idea of being outside compared to being stuck inside never felt too drastic. The weather gets colder & the rain starts to pick up. Rather than stay inside we wait for food to come. Conversations happen & feelings formed.

The idea of sharing a moment in the rain came to surface. Like how Spider-Man kisses Mary Jane in that one scene. Nobody was upside down & when it happened, the rain shifted to snow & the weather was much colder. You're wearing an olive green vest with black vans sweater & black sweats thinking you won't be outside at all. You were wrong.

The skies got bright as you look at your watch, 2:30am. Anger fuels their brain as our food never came. Already knowing the store is closed & the delivery won't arrive due to the delivery window. You both make your way to the store. Part of you has the common sense to go inside or leave because you found no benefit from staying there. Your thoughts are ignored because because you knew you would be apart of a moment that never was experienced. At least to you. You would bare witness to the defeat that the food never came. Consumed with anger & rage you see the temperament. Throwing trash while yelling at the storefront to have some feel of satisfaction. Similar to an ex girlfriend keying their ex boyfriends car after the breakup happened.

"This isn't me. I'm never like that." They said. Words heard before. Like being an audience member to a show you see the sign of defeat & anger as if it happened for the first time to him. It did. Never felt the disappointment of relying on others to provide a service & it not being played out. You provide comfort & agree because it feels like your duty as an audience member to see how it plays out and being on their side helps progress the story.

Ending up back into the stoop where they lived, you realized how soaked & uncomfortable you are. Feeling wet & cold manipulated your sense of control. Wanting to move & be sober you move as if jogging in place without moving much of your legs. "Want another beer?" They asked. You graciously accepted to not offend him.

By now you knew if you didn't get some sleep then you won't be able to do your job properly. You already had agreed to a double shift because it would have meant a day off after. The responsible side of you would have never came over considering the rain storm & the idea of having to go back home in order to ready for work the next day but still I went. You had some unresolved issues you wanted to get off your chest & right some wrongs.

You was so prepared to put your heart out & leave the floor with all that you was feeling. Like Bella from twilight as she finally reveals her true emotions to Edward, the idea to go all kamikaze with your emotions & intentions would be the mike drop that would force them to think about what happens next. To a surprise, they was ok.

Not feeling joy or disappointment they responded with their own interpretation of feelings as if in a boxing match giving each other a blow to the face to determine who is deserving of a pity party. Later that night & few drinks later food was ordered & all of a sudden you are craving Columbian food. From Grubhub to the restaurant itself we order via their site because of the 15% off promotion. With nothing but an invoice & a delayed call to verify their 24/7 delivery we graciously place the order & wait outside for it to arrive.

3:45 our food arrives. After what had happened with the previous delivery you had made an order yourself. After feeling horrible for having your money taken away they angrily responded with "you might as well order then unless you want me to risk wasting my money & effort ordering food that won't come!" Understanding his pain but realizing his flaw & replied very confidently with "It wont happen with me".

Before entering the building what raised your attention was the fact that they felt deserving that because of what happened to them, you had the responsibility to pay our meal in full rather than half & half like originally planned. They had confirmed the suspicions by saying as such, "I feel that because this happened to me you have to pay for the whole meal because it's only right". Because of how confident you was, you didn't give it much thought.

Throughout the whole process of going to the store that was already closed & reordering food from somewhere else, it reminded you of the time you were ripped off in the same fashion. At the time you wasn't as upset or frustrated. Knowing there's a reason that prevented the food to arrive helped puts a mind at ease. It gets difficult when your money is on the line & you lose patience with what's going on. That being said, everything happens for a reason & sometimes the reason is within ourselves to learn in order to grow.The universe has a funny way of making you learn stuff the hard way. In their case, being an audience to what was happening felt like the first time experience to not be so quick to rely on what is said on the ads.

Come to next day where the store is open & emotions are stable a call is made. "I would like a refund or at the very least deliver the food that I was promised" they said to the assistant manager on the other line. "The order was already placed & delivered". Confirming with the delivery guy, there was no quantifiable proof that the food was delivered. "I'll get in contact with the general manager to help you out if you want. He's sleeping right now so you will have to wait until he shows up". The realization that the money is already lost & there's no way to at least get something from the situation just hurts.

Amongst the stress of the food delivery something had to give in order to get. The balance of it all. Some positives was learning more about each other as people. Learning & helping each other remedy our traumas & negative emotions is what helps us be more positive people. That is why living through positivity and being proud of your own choices and decision is very important in the process to finding ones own happiness.