Perfectly Imperfect Solution

For the first time you were truly real, open and honest with me. For the first time now that we are apart. I appreciate it. I really do because I have always been 100% honest and open with you regardless.

You survived without even knowing me, I didn't exist in your past.

I won't chase, or force to be a part of his life, he needs to want me to be there and make that time. Call, visit, check in. Tell me about your day, vent... I want normality.

When we first met and hooked up.

I thought it would be a one night stand..a fling at most. I never expected to catch feelings, never was it my intention to get so close, I've written about the lesson he taught me..

I believe people are meant to come into your lives. I've spent half my life pushing others away. Never showing them my whole self but pieces of who I truly am.

My past made me hard.

People still hold on to the old version of me. Whatever version they make it be.

Sometimes it's not so black and white. There is no harm in showing intimacy.

No harm in acting on what our bodies crave, the hand holding, the rubbing. It just comes naturally. Especially with him. Let's just go with the flow... No harm being comfortable with someone. We have an intense sexual chemistry.

No strings attached.

Friends with benefits means sex without any attachment or emotional investment.

So every minute spent with each other beyond the act of sex is an act of emotional intimacy.. which we have, it's undeniable.

“A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship,

It’s such a shame not to do something simply because you think it ‘won’t be good for you.’ It’s better to take the risk of it being great.” Sometimes taking a path less travelled leads us to people, that are meant to be in our lives. Sometimes the things we think we want outweighs what we actually need. Sometimes we have to sacrifice and compromise on things and sometimes life has another plan that we never saw coming.

Sometimes things aren't so black and white

We are far from normal, we share a different dynamic, and I know he cares about me. Without words it's prominent. He has feelings that at times he suppresses.

We barely made it past the honeymoon stage.

Would things have been different if we were still in a relationship? With labels is what I am saying… I'm not like this with just anyone, especially an ex. He gets a best friend. One who he can open up to, one who cares about his wellbeing, one who is willing to explore and experiment more sexually. One who despite what is going on in her life will only be a call away.

I haven’t changed. I still act and do the same I have done when we were “together”.

And by all means am not living in some delusional state of the false hope factor.

He has made it crystal clear that we will never get back together.

There are no guarantees in life but only mere chances, and sometimes what we think we want doesn't align with what we truly need.

He can still make me smile even when we are apart.

Ladies… Kind, genuine guys do exist.

There are diamonds in the rough.

These men deserve that same energy projected towards them.

Our energies mixed in a beautiful harmony.

Guys like him are hard to come by these days.

Sometimes we have to take a step back.

Hit pause. Clear our heads.

Take note of the people in your life.

Do they add to it?

Do they match your energy?

I’m not fighting for a spot in anyone’s life.

But I will hold on to those who show substance.

Who make the effort, who reciprocate.

Hold on to those who make my smile a little brighter. It’s important to make solid connections.

Important to tell those around you how much you appreciate them. Encouragement goes farther than you think. So shout out to those amazing people… You Rock!!

I MAY BE REPLACEABLE THIS I KNOW BUT COMPARABLE NEVER SO….

This is new territory for me.

Never have I hooked up with an ex or wanted to continue.

It's a Perfectly Imperfect Situation.

We don't have to deprive ourselves of fun...

Deprive ourselves of each other's company.

Fuck feelings...

I enjoy spending time with him.

I enjoy fucking him.

It's pleasurable.

He makes me want to fuck him more, to explore, experience new things, unleashing the sexual diva that I am.

So .... Let's play... Let's fuck without getting inside our heads... Let's just enjoy each other's company as long as we can....knowing that our separate lives will be just that.

No harm... No false hope... Just two people who share this intense connection, this bond that no one ever could unlock in me before... something that was left untouched., Yet something I just can't let fizz out.

Please don't change...

Don't let your past to control you anymore...

I am built differently, everything that I have been towards you is genuine. I have never faked or pretended to be anyone I am not.

I think I scare him.

I think he thinks too much,

If laying cuddled beside me feels good, makes you happy... Then do that, allow yourself to be in the moment. Allow yourself to release. Don't over think. Just be....

Do what makes you happy.

We share a different dynamic, we have a different bond. Exs who enjoy each other...

We have this this je ne sais quoi about us.

Everything I have shown and gave to him. I remain the same person he met months ago, and those moments in between meant something, meant more than he will ever know.

That chapter has closed but there is still potential for us to figure a way to maintain boundaries that work with us.

Hopefully he will still be a part of my life whatever that looks like, Eventually we will move on,

Again why do I have to fuck anyone else when sexually he gives me everything I need?

The Perfectly Imperfect Solution

I am able to choke down anything if it’s in my best interests. Honestly I could use him in my corner and hopefully he feels the same.

Things don't have to be awkward… And I’m not an awkward person. Here’s the thing….

He knew me more than anyone, from our deep conversations to chilling on the couch, and he made me feel beautiful, comfortable in my own skin.

No guy has ever made me feel so appreciated, so calm, so wanted. The way he reached for my hand, the way he touched my face.

The way he looked at me.

He needs to be honest with himself without a doubt am I worth losing completely out of his life?

Is he happier? Does he miss me?

Nothing about us felt forced. I know the sexual tension will be prominent. Can't say I'm not tempted all the time however it is what it is..

We can still hang out. I don't see the harm because for me it out weighs the cons.

I'm sure we are mature enough to realize that we can still be us... Just separately.

I honestly don't believe he meant to get so close so fast... But we did. Period.

I trust him more than anyone in my whole life. Trust is huge for me, and I don't trust easy. He saw a softer side of me, one that always has been locked inside. One I neglected because of past relationships, and toxic people bringing out my worst. He also got a playful side, my wild side finally set free wanting to experiment and explore more, on both ends.

He got the true version, the one of a kind, a side people haven't gotten in a long time. He makes me comfortable to be vulnerable, to talk openly.

Not everyone will hurt you, not every person is the same. I would like to think I've shown him that.

My past jaded me for a long time... Then I took a chance on him.

So fuck the normal... Fuck what society says we are supposed to be... Let's do what works for us. Oddly he provides everything I require without the toxicity. Maybe we are using each other, a crutch, a security blanket, being each other's safe haven or maybe we realize that it's just better to be in each other's lives, because it makes us better people. I am not his, he is not mine. And I don't want to be strangers with memories.

Relationships have never been my forte.

Commitment issues, honestly because I couldn't be just me. I felt suffocated at times.

It will take a while to get his name out of my mouth.

Take a while to stop the urge to text him.

To stop wondering if I will ever hear from him again. Touch him, See him, Fuck him.

He needs to figure out if having me a part of his life is beneficial, if it out weighs the pros and cons.

Knowing he will never find anyone like me.

I've seen this amazing side of him.

My curiosity peaked. I want to continue getting to know him, again we will have to come to terms with what that chapter will prevail. He will always be one of my favorites.

My friends question if I'm doing the right thing, moving forward. They don't get it. They have seen me walk away, seen me leave people in the dust, never giving them another thought. Yet they noticed that he draws something beneficial out of me.

The others weren't worth a spot in my life.

He hasn't shown me any reason to say good bye.

I'm not sorry it happened because it woke me up and made me realize that I am capable of feeling again. That it was buried so deep down.

So Thanks....He will always be one of my favorites. Without labels just two people sharing something amazing ...

We all have needs it's human nature.

He unlocks my curiosity...

Thank you for your openness,

Thank you for trusting me.

The things you have shared with me will be forever remain just with me.

I can't say this enough he is one of the good ones. And he deserves to be happy without a doubt with me cheering him on even if it's from the sidelines.

Life doesn't have to be complicated.

I'm doing what feels good.

From now on.

For me.

Our story will live on longer than our relationship did. We get to figure out what this next chapter looks like kind of like a choose your own adventure series.