Navigating the Storm of Grief and Loss

At some point in our lives we will be faced with the realization of our own mortality. As hair begins to grey and our bones turn frail, we begin to understand that, life, as precious as it is must inevitably come to an end. We all go through the grieving process in our own ways. There is no universal method for healing. If you've dealt with this kind of loss, you know that the healing process sometimes feels impossible. You might feel like this lingering feeling will remain with you forever. You may hear the familiar bells of their favorite song, or catch a faint scent that reminds you of their cooking. I hope that these few techniques can relieve that pain and help you move forward while honoring their lives.

There's no quick fix. Dealing with grief isn't some scientific problem that we saw. Grief is an incredibly complex emotional journey, and it isn't a process that we should rush. We are not suggesting that grief is something you can fix by watching a quick YouTube video. It’s definitely not that simple. So, as you read this piece of techniques to relieve your pain, understand that it's never as simple as a step by step guide. If you feel overwhelmed there are professionals, family and friends that you can reach out to. You are not alone.

1. Acceptance

This is obviously much easier said than done. Accepting our grief sometimes, feels like a battle in our minds. Part of us just wants to reject that reality of what has happened and sometimes, we reject our deepest emotions which burn and twist deep inside of us. But it's important not to let yourself become numb. Own those feelings and understand why you're feeling them. Let them flow through every fiber of your body. Remember there are no right or wrong feelings. It’s okay to feel everything that you're feeling even if it's confusing or disturbing.

2. Companionship

The people around us make a huge difference when we're dealing with grief, but as many experts have noted they can either help or hinder our healing process. There are those who try to fix our grief encouraging us to get over it. This obviously isn't very helpful. Best companions during these dark times know how to listen. Sometimes, there are no words to express how we're feeling and no words to reassure us, and those people understand this. They are just there for us, whether it means providing a distraction or lending a shoulder to cry on.

3. Use art as an outlet

Those deep heavy feelings of grief aren't just going to disappear, but you can channel those feelings into something creative. Art is one of the most helpful healing methods. In her book “It's Okay That You're Not Okay”, Psychotherapist Megan Devine recommends taking those emotions and pouring them into a painting a graphic novel or any other art form that gives you an outlet. Artistic expression lets you get grief off your chest as it's a form of emotional release.

4. Write a journal

Sometimes, it's easier to keep silent rather than express our emotions. However, most psychologists agree that it's not a good idea to bottle everything inside. If art isn't your thing, keeping a journal is a great way to understand our emotions including grief. When writing our emotions, we confront dissect and ultimately come to terms with them. Based on the research on journaling in the psychological community, we understand its benefits especially, if you write over the course of multiple days. You don't have to share your journal with everyone, and that gives you total freedom to truly express yourself.

5. Create your own rituals to honor those who have passed

I don't mean shamanistic rituals that involve intermediaries or ancient traditions. These rituals can be anything you want them to be. Dr. Kim Bateman, a clinical psychologist, encourages us to think about what made our loved ones happy when creating our own rituals. Maybe your loved one really enjoyed a specific type of tea. Your ritual could be something really simple, such as; pouring your loved one a cup of tea and thinking of a memory of them while their cup sits and steams. It doesn't matter what you believe in. This is just a way for you to honor their memory, plain and simple.

6. Don’t trust in the five stages of grief

Most of us are familiar with the so called five stages of grief. This was introduced to us by a psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross way back in 1969, and while it's definitely an interesting model, the entire concept is now a little outdated. Most modern psychologists agree that grief is not a linear process and it can't be summed up as a simple equation or formula. Grief is experienced differently by everyone. Focus on how you are healing presently without anticipating what the next stage of this process may be.

If you found this article helpful at all please let me know in the comments. As I stated earlier, I am not trying to simplify grief and I don't claim to have all the answers. That being said, feel free to share your own experiences with grief and how you heal from these experiences. You may help somebody else going through something.

Thank you and I appreciate you all as always.