My World

Everyone passing by thought I was mad. I didn’t care. I was so close to finding out the truth. Maybe at this point I was mad. At least a little manic. It had been days since I last slept and I’m sure the dark circles and rubbed mascara didn’t help my overall appearance. Some people stopped me in the street to ask if I was okay. Some even tried to pull me from the ground. But I wouldn’t move, even if it meant putting on my craziest face and yelling at the benevolent strangers. Even the birds were making sure they were flying nowhere near me as I sat on a patch of grass next to the sidewalk, covered in dirt, digging up the answers I’ve been searching for.

“Excuse me miss, are you okay?” Another bothersome stranger trying to keep me from my destiny, no doubt.

This particular voice was more assertive than the rest. I tried to ignore it, but the nagging persisted on.

“Miss. I’m going to have to ask you to stop now. You are vandalizing the city’s property.”

She was taken aback when I shot my head around. The first thing I noticed was her unruly eyebrows. They looked like they may have never been plucked a day in her life. I took another moment to examine the lady that was keeping me from my pursuit. She was pallor and older, maybe in her sixties, with greying hair, drooping cheeks, and a ranger’s uniform on. Her protruding eyes, beaming with hints of emerald and misery, fixated on me, watching me like a hawk. She stood tall with her feet planted into the sidewalk.

She took a long look at me, just like I had her, and then started to reach for me, to pull me away from my mission. But before she could lay a hand on me, I roared a banshee’s scream at her, one that would be more than enough to make any normal person run. But she only came closer, and her eyes began to fill with rage as they stared into mine.

She got down close to me until her eyes were level with mine. “That’s it. You’re done here.”

I knew exactly who I was dealing with. This miserable old lady has probably never known love, so she’ll do everything she can to keep me from mine. I expected her to yank me up by my hair, to drag me away from my love. My life. Instead she just marched away. For a moment I was confounded by her exit, I began digging again almost immediately. This time faster. If he wanted me to find his message, he would have left it here. But I’d dig through all the grounds on the earth if that’s what it’d take to know his thoughts again.

In the distance I heard howling voices. It was hard to tell them apart from the ones in my head, the ones telling me to dig faster, but I knew they were for me. I was running out of time. I shot my head back up to see a mob coming towards me. Three guards, the horrid lady from before, and four policemen. If I got caught, I’d never uncover the truth. I’d never know what his last words were.

They started running towards me at full speed once they got site of my face. I could run, but I’d never be that fast. So, I did the only thing I knew I could do. The only thing my body would let me do. The only thing my mind could focus on. I kept searching for my answer.

They were almost to me when my fingers hit it in the dirt. I squealed with joy. My breaths grew heavier as I finished uncovering the treasure that was left for me. A small, black notebook was cradled in my hands. I hugged it to my chest, and I held onto it for dear life.

I knew it was probably useless at this point, but I took a chance at escape and picked up my feet. I had been going overtired on foot for days, and now was no time to start wimping out. I was bolting towards the woods, looking at the ground, at my feet, to see how fast I could get them to go. This was a tactic I’d been using since I was a kid. Look at your feet when you run, and you’ll go faster. Eventually, I had to look up when I could tell that trees were near. As I retreated from the park and faded into woods, I could hear a faint sound of what sounded like a little boy cheering me on.

“You go treasure girl! Run faster!” He gets it. But I couldn’t waste a moment to turn back and tell him that one day, he’ll find a love like mine too.

The woods would be a perfect place to hide, to catch my breath. To finally open this book and uncover what I’ve been craving to read for so long. In reality, it hadn’t been that long at all. It had only been a week since it happened, but even with going sleepless though the days, it felt like months had passed by. I hadn’t even eaten since I heard the news, but yet there was nothing that I was more hungry for than to have his thoughts flowing through my mind like sweet, sweet honey.

Once the mob was off of my path, I found a tree to lean on. I slid my back down until I hit the ground, finally able to catch my breath. After a few seconds had passed I braced myself. I had been running around tirelessly all week for this moment. It could be everything I needed. Or, it could be extremely underwhelming. Nonetheless, I had to know what was inside this book. I opened it up to see his handwriting, messy but perfect in its own lovely way.

Cassie,

I hope that when you’re reading this it’s not soon after I’m gone. I’m so sorry that I had to leave you, but I need you to understand why. I know at this point, only one of us is making it out of this mess alive. It has to be you. If it was me, I’d just spend all my days going mad thinking of you until we’re both goners. But I know that you’re stronger than I’ve ever been. I should have never dragged you into this mess. I was selfish. I wanted to know you. I wanted to see the world with you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you… at least I get to do that. Maybe one day you’ll get to see the waters in Greece that match the colors of your eyes so perfectly. Maybe one day, you’ll see the Northern lights that fill the sky and think of me. I think about you every moment of every day. I’ve thought a lot about what love might feel like, and I think it feels like this. I love you. I know I do. I hope that you love me too. And I hope that you get everything you want out of life.

It wasn’t until I was done reading that I noticed I was crying. My tears fell onto the paper, mixing with the ink, melting away two of his words. I quickly stopped myself from letting anymore fall onto the paper, and I let them hit the ground instead. I flipped through to the next page to find another letter. And on the next page, another. The book was filled with his thoughts and I sat reading them all.

When I woke it was dark out. I don’t even remember falling asleep. But there I was, laying against a tree in the middle of the woods holding onto the last piece of him. The moonlight was barely enough light, but I got myself up and started to make my way back to the park. I hadn’t gone too far, but I was completely lost. I don’t remember the turns I made to get here, and I had no phone or any way of navigation. I started panicking, running around in all directions to see if I could find a clearing, but it was useless. I stopped dead in my tracks after tripping over what felt like a stump in the ground. I looked down to see not a stump, but a black bag, covered in dirt and leaves. I picked it up and brushed it off, perplexed as to what was inside. I unzipped the bag to find money. Cash. More cash than I had ever seen in my entire life. I quickly counted it, and if I did the math right, it was twenty thousand dollars. At first, it felt like it was a dream, as I gawked at the little bag of treasure. But I quickly was snapped back into reality when I saw flashlights coming from a distance. People looking for me, I’m sure. But I couldn’t let them find me. Especially now.

After running around aimlessly for what felt like hours, I finally made it to the side of a main road. I started walking towards town. At this point, I had a plan. I knew exactly where I was going and what I was doing. I needed to get my things, but I wasn’t stupid enough to go back home. I’d just have to buy new things. That wouldn’t be a problem.

The first place I went was to get a new phone, then a suitcase. After that, I went to get everything I needed. I changed outfits in a fitting room at one of the places I got new clothes from. I brushed my hair and washed my face in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror for the first time in a week. I didn’t even recognize myself. I guess I’d just have to get used to that.

After I got myself together, I went to the bank. I got all of what was left of the money put onto a debit card. After it seemed like everything was ready, I made one last stop at the post office. I wasn’t going back home, but I didn’t want the people back home to be worried sick thinking I had gone missing. They would be mad at me for leaving, but hopefully they would understand why.

He wanted me to see the world, and I wasn’t going to let him down.