My Mentally Ill Ex

I seem to be a magnet for the worst of the worst when it comes to men. Every single relationship I have ever had has ended badly due to the abusive behavior of the man I'm dating at the time.

I don't know what it is because at first, the men seem so sweet and funny and caring and smart. Then one day it's like an elastic snaps in their brains and they just turn into these ugly, mean, abusive, toxic monsters.

The man I was recently dating is no different. Last night we decided to kinda relax and have a few drinks and just kinda have a quiet night at home together. Well, things went fine at first, we were feeling a bit tipsy and began fooling around acting all silly and cute, but then before I knew it things just turned really ugly really fast.

I don't even know what happened but all of a sudden he began grabbing me and trying to force himself on me. When I told him to stop he became infuriated and began verbally and physically abusing me. He even went as far as to tell me that he wanted to have sex with my 15-year-old daughter and how if he stuck around long enough that is exactly what he would do. He then proceeded to tell me how he wanted to have sex with other women and how he no longer loved me. My stomach sank and my heart broke into millions of tiny jagged little pieces. More than that, I got angry. I actually saw red when he mentioned wanting to molest my daughter. I'm actually still shaking even thinking about it.

My question is where do these monsters come from and how do they keep finding me?

I hate that things turned out the way they did because I actually thought he was a keeper. I mean yea he had his fair share of problems, but these days who doesn't? I used to think that a lot of his issues stemmed from the way his mother kept him socially isolated when he was growing up. I also thought some of his issues stemmed from his time in the military (he was in the Marine Corps for 9 years).

Last night was the last straw. Last night is when I finally decided it was time to stop making excuses for his bad behavior and just cut ties with him completely and just get the fuck away as fast and as far as I could.

I feel like the days of honest, well grounded, responsible, faithful men have gone out the door and somehow, somewhere along the way another door was opened that ushered in all of these immature, irresponsible, unfaithful, lying pieces of shit. I just want someone to tell me what the fuck happened? Where the fuck did it all go wrong?

The man I always pictured myself being with forever was hard working, he had to be a man in uniform, (I was raised in a military family), he had to be funny, smart, charming, handsome, warm, honest, faithful and loyal to me. I'm in my 30's now, and I've been in 5 relationships. I was married and divorced twice. I have yet to find the man I always dreamed I would fall madly in love with and be with for the rest of my life. To be honest I think his relatives might have died on the Titanic.

While I don't want to grow old alone, I also know that I don't want to settle for anything less than what I deserve. After all, if I were to do that what kind of message would I be sending to my children?

I do know what I am willing to overlook but I also know what I absolutely will NOT tolerate. I want someone who will love me for my fierce loyalty, my honesty, my mind, my heart and yes even my body. (Hey who doesn't want their significant other to be fiercely attracted to them?)

I will not tolerate liars, cheaters, abusers, manipulators, narcissists, sociopaths, pedophiles, mama's boys or thugs.

I have a son and I want to find someone who can be a positive role model for him. I want my son to see that not all men are like his dad or the men who came into our lives after his dad.

I have raised my son to be a proper young man (he's 13, he's autistic and he is the sweetest little boy this world has ever seen). He is polite, he opens doors for ladies, he believes in the ladies first rule, he pulls out chairs, he minds his manners and he is super protective. That is the way ALL men should be raised.

I think parents need to start putting the smack down on their children. I think all of this no spanking bullshit has made the new generation of 'men' into abusive, perverted, video game playing, snap chatting, lazy, lying sociopaths. I think if parents went back to punishing their children the way the kids in my generation were punished this world might actually stand a chance.

After all, a child's education always begins at home with the parents.