My Love Advice

It seems many moons ago but I once tried Blogging ! It was fun and very time consuming. It gave me a chance to explore a topic that I wanted to presue as a career : Marriage Counseling. Here is one post that I wrote in 2012...

Marrying for the RIGHT Reasons

This post is directed to answer two thoughtful questions asked by blog followers. I enjoy your comments and your opinions. I hope you all continue to read and share!

How do you KNOW that you should marry someone? I feel that there are many factors you should consider before you decide that marriage with someone is the correct choice.

1. Emotional Reasons: Are you marrying to fill a void? Are you marrying to beat the clock? Are you marrying because it’s the “right” thing to do? There are many emotional reasons people marry and they are all the wrong reasons!

In my opinion, I feel that YOU should address your emotional issues before marriage. Marriage will only be a crutch and unhappiness will creep up again. Marry for Love not to fill voids.

2. Lust or Love: Are you marrying someone due to chemistry or deeper reasons? I agree that chemistry is important but Love grows with character and respect. When you are considering a person to Marry think to yourself:

· Are there characteristics of this person that I would like to have?

· Is this person kind to others?

· Is this person dependable and trustworthy?

· Does this person have a happy outlook on life?

· Would I want my child to turn out like this person?

3. Goals and Priorities: When marrying someone you should have common goals and priorities. You should be on a common path. For example, if you want children and the other person does not, this can be a huge roadblock in your relationship. Before you marry you should have an in-depth discussion of general goals and priorities. If there are differences then a discussion should take place to determine if you and/or your partner are willing to make compromises.

4. Abusive Behaviors: Many relationships end due to some type of abuse. Before your Marriage you should be aware of any type of behaviors that may lead to future abuse. Abuse can range from emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. Many people confuse “control” with Love. Is the person giving you advice or “telling” you what to do for their benefit?

5. Unknown Circumstances: Do you have your future spouse have any skeletons in your closet? This can range from health issues, family issues, or financial issues. Have a conversation where you and your future spouse lay out all your cards on the table. You will be surprised to know how many people say if I knew X, Y, or Z I would have had different thoughts on marriage to that person.

How long should you date before you marry ?

This is a very great question because I feel that this ranges from couple to couple. My husband and I dated for 7 years before we married but that was due to our young age when we started dating. In addition, we also decided to wait until we graduated college before marriage.

I feel that your relationship should have time to mature from the “puppy dog” stage into a “mature love” stage. In addition, I feel that you and your future spouse should experience a miscommunication or disagreement and have a positive resolution to this issue. If you have great communication with your partner and are able to effectively compromise I feel that you will be able to handle future miscommunications.

In my opinion, at least a full year is needed to grow your love from the “puppy dog” stage into a “mature love” stage. The act of “getting married” is fun and exciting. However, Marriage is a labor of love. Nothing worth having is easy.

Now that a few years have gone by and I can read my blog post and look back at where I was in my life and what I know now it seems that some of them were meant for the present me. Life is funny like that at times. Maybe I will reveal more in future posts.