My life is ruined in the way I never thought it could..

Yeah - ok ok, Please, sit quietly. I’m about to tell you the truth so please don’t interrupt me thank you. Lately all I feel is pain, feels like my heart doesn’t beat the same. I wanna give up and I just, feel stuck in a life that I know I cannot change. Everyday all I do is sit and be depressed, trying to get up and get help but I’m still a big mess. When I look back my past is showing me bad memories and it’s hurts so much to even think of them. I met this girl yeah we both fell in love, we had so much fun making memories daily , going to a movies, going on the hikes, holding hands while looking at each other eyes and talking about love. This girl opened my eyes she gave me everything she possibly could. She started dating me when I was alone when I was broke and homeless, I never thought this girl would ever be mine ? I never thought she would except me for who I am or what I even look like? I was so afraid that she would reject me and disappear outta my life. But that’s wasn’t the case, let me tell you what exactly happened ...

When I lost my job and my car broke, later that month I lost my apartment. I was about to become homeless again? But this girl didn’t gave up on me, she fought with all her heart for me to be safe, she wanted to have a place for me to stay. So she talked to her mom about the situation I was in. Later that day she gave me a call , she told me I’m welcome to stay at her place until I save up money to get back on my feet again. She cooked delicious meals for me, she gave me a place where I can take warm showers, she gave me her clothes to wear even though it was too big for me. She gave me hugs and sweet kisses every morning and night. She drove me to work and after she came to pick me up. She was giving me everything she possibly could. She was going beyond her way to do everything for me. Her love was so strong and so beautiful towards me, she was there when I was feeling down and upset. She was always there to cheer and to pick me up.

But something really bad happened that tore us both apart...

Two months into our relationship, I was cheating on this queen, i don’t know what I was really thinking. I’m such a foolish punk who messed up this relationship that could have turned out, one day, into marriage and a beautiful family. I was hiding things behind her back , I wasn’t being upfront with this queen at all. I remember the day when she asked me to open up to her? But I was afraid to tell her the truth I wasn’t sure how to open up, so I just had to lie to her face and those pretty eyes. “That there’s nothing going on” but she already knew it what was going on, honestly she was waiting for me to open up 1st. But I didn’t, guess I was just to afraid to tell her what was on my mind.

I’m really sorry Esha - When I’m with you, I’m trying so hard not to screw things up. Apparently, sometime I think too much and it makes everything worse. You are perfect. I just want to be the best version of myself for you. I’m so sorry, baby. I hope you find a place in your heart to forgive me and give me a 2nd chance.

So right now Im trying to earn that trust and 2nd chance from her that I lost , I will do everything I can to earn her trust back . I’m not a quitter like other guys just give up and leave with out even trying.

I love you Esha always and forever!!!