My dad, a Blockbuster, and acceptance

It took me all of my teen years and my early twenties to finally realize who I was—a self realized adult who is bisexual.

I only had crushes on boys in elementary school, one of whom I’m with today(going on ten years plus now!), and I didn’t have crushes on any girls until the beginning of high school.

With my first budding relationships with boys, it was simply with thoughts of romance, with dreams of holding hands and that magical first kiss.

But, once my thoughts turned to girls, I felt like I was truly starting to understand my feelings and thoughts—-and I had come out as a lesbian.

Most if not all of my family and friends were welcoming and accepting of this, but my dad was having a hard time understanding me.

He was raised Catholic, and was on the side of the issue that said that being gay was a choice, and he certainly didn’t appreciate or understand why I would choose this life.

But, in my heart, I knew my father and I have always been close. We have lots of fond memories together.

He’d take me on fishing trips, weekend trips and day ones, and it was our favorite thing to do together. He’d also take me to the movies and we had our favorite movie to watch together, One Flew over the Cukoo’s Nest.

The scene when Nicholson tells the nurse about the “pinball machine,” always made my dad and I crack up.

But, this was an issue that was the proverbial, “elephant in the room,” and it was blocking our usually open communication—- he wasn’t entirely willing to discuss it.

So, I gave him a book.

And he reluctantly agreed to read it.

After awhile, and some reading, he did understand me better. I saw that it was a genuine attempt to appreciate my circumstances, and I was very thankful that he had given it a chance.

He decided he’d go to a LGBTQ meeting with me, and my mother as well(who was very accepting already).

That went so well, and my parents got praised by everyone there for supporting me, even as my dad still didn’t quite get it. I was proud of them, too! It was a big step forward, and I felt acknowledged and understood, better than ever before.

So let’s move on, shall we?!

Blockbuster time!

I used to love going into Blockbuster. It was so fun, for some reason, see the line up of popcorn, sodas and candy in the front, the rows and rows of movies and TV, and it was just so great. I loved seeing new things I would’ve never known about—-just perusing the aisles and checking out all the cool titles and new releases.

Well, one day at a Blockbuster sticks out as a slightly cringe worthy moment, but turned out to be a good laughable moment for my dad and I, later on.

I was exploring my taste in romantic films, and I was interested in a gay romance film between two guys. (On a side note, my parents had watched the 2005 romance drama Brokeback Mountain with me as well, but that was different lol). It had two men, shirtless, in bed together on the front. Not subtle!

My dad was paying for the rentals(it was his account), and when he asked me for my choices to rent, I handed it to him.

I was also a little self conscious about my choice, so I kind of took a few steps away from the counter, as I heard the exchange.

“Oh, that’s not mine!” I heard my dad say as he laughed.

I smiled a bit, cause I heard it in his voice. There was no judgement, or derision, or frustration in his tone—-it was merely, “Hey, it’s just my daughter’s!”

But, looking back, it may seem like not a big deal, but I realized that if he really hadn’t approved of me, and who I was, he might’ve said that the choice was a mistake and for the employee to put it back. But, he got it for me.

No issue!

This was a huge turning point for me, in regard to helping me understand myself, to accepting myself, to truly appreciating the things that made me different and who I am. Not only that, it gave me validation and the truest form of trust between my family and myself, knowing that my dad and my mom and sisters all loved and supported me no matter what.

It takes a long time (for a lot of people) to figure yourself out, but it definitely makes things easier when your family is there for you through your tough times and best times, and even the times you doubt yourself—and mine was.