Single Dad

I’m a single dad.

I live in a big city.

Big deal.

My girlfriend Joan left me, and now I have our son, Marcus, who is three and very adamant that he will become the world’s first toddler circus acrobat. He seems to want to climb everything, everywhere we go, and seems to have it in to give me a heart attack before he turns four.

Schedule is as follows:

5am-Marcus wakes me up. Breakfast. French toast and strawberries. I didn’t get any sleep. Insomniac, self-diagnosed. No treatment available; no time.

6:55am-Marcus wants snacks for car ride before I go to work, and drop him off to preschool. Lots of animal crackers. Juicy Juice.

7:15am-drops Marcus off, gives him at least fifteen hugs and kisses. Then, drives to work, starving. I forgot to eat again.

7:21am- Picks up espresso.

7:45-at work. Work at insurance firm. Who cares. I sip my espresso for a blissful ten minutes of quiet—-then go into work with five minutes to spare.

I then work until 4:30pm, leave, pick up Marcus, and then do it all over the next day.

I’m 33 years old, living in New York City, New York, about to turn 34—am supposedly a Sagittarius but I feel more like Pooped-out-Taurus, and I really would like a date night. It’s 2018, and the world is moving too fast for me. Or moving too slow. I don’t know.

I feel like I’m constantly in a state of jet lag, without the flights to the Bahamas.

I’m so over it.

I got a dating app. Yeah, totally hip, right?

I put in my dating info. I get a picture of me wearing a black and white get up, with a tie, and I know I look nerdy. I’m blonde, with my big old golden brown eyes, big old glasses and I’m very tall. I’m 6 foot 3. I come from a very giant family. My grandfather was 6 foot 4. Yikes, right? Or maybe not?

Tom Jones, works at Lincoln Mutual Insurance

Age 33

Male, seeking Female or Male, long term

Sagittarius

Pretty boring. I don’t know how to do this.

Yeah, so, I do this stupid app at the behest of my friends, and I get a ding, or something. They are a match with me, supposedly. His name is Casper, and he’s gorgeous from the look of his profile pic. He’s black(beautiful skin as I can see in the photo) and has these dreamy brown eyes. I was hoping he would like me. He looks a tad younger. Maybe 29.

It said on their profile that he is a published poet, a writer, or something, and that he is an Aries. I read that Aries and Sagittarius are supposed to really get along, so who knows? I’m not into astrology that much. Just casually.

I don’t know what I’ll wear, but at the very least, my mother is coming over to watch Marcus for the date. I decide on jeans and a button up tee. Nothing too crazy.

“Make sure that you’re safe out there. Online dating is scary,” my mom says.

I nod, giving Marcus a hug.

“You’re going out in a public place, correct?” She asks.

“Yes. A coffee place. It’s also a wine bar. Pretty modern. They play live music.”

She smiles. “Good. Have fun! Don’t kiss him on the first date! Leave them wanting more!”

I rolled my eyes, chuckling softly. “Right, mother.”

“Why do you only call me that when you’re annoyed?” She asks as I walk out, giving her a hug and Marcus one last kiss.

Marcus looked like me, definitely, and as I look back at them and wave, I smile watching my mom close the door, and I hear the lock go on.

I remembered Joan.

Her red hair, her blue eyes, all those cute freckles on her face.

I did like her a lot.

I thought she liked me too. Our ‘thing’ together was listening to Burt Bacharach and marigolds. She loved marigolds so I’d always get her some. For no reason. Just to show I cared.

We dated for a year and a half, and just one day, out of the blue, she breaks up with me. Turns out she’s pregnant.

But, she doesn’t want the child, or me, and wants to live alone somewhere in the west coast. I suspected she had been cheating, but no, she was just tired of me. It hurt, and I was a bit devastated.

I convinced her to keep the baby.

After she had Marcus, she stayed only a week. Then, she just up and left—with a trail of dead marigolds and my broken heart left behind her.

So, here I am.

I wait outside the place, called, Starlight Delights, and it has a crazy sign that is electric lit, with lettering in a circle that said: The True Artist Helps the World By revealing mystic truths—-

What a load! I thought. What is a mystic truth, anyway?

Mystic truths don’t help anyone. They are a novelty. A vague question with a bullshit response of conjecture and more speculative content. Being in tune with my intuition and my spirituality is not where I need to be right now.

Right now I need money. Money for bills. For Marcus. For his education. I need financial truths; not speculative ones.

I also am wondering where my date is.

Suddenly, there is he is. About 5 minutes late. Oh well!

“Nice to meet you, Tom,” Casper says, shaking my hand firmly.

I shake back and we have a little getting to know you chit chat, and I tell him I love his hair.

“I love your hair, too,” Casper says with a smile as we walk inside.

It’s a small, quaint place with a small wine bar, an espresso station, and a limited seating area. There’s a little area for musicians and a small band is setting up their equipment. I’m mainly looking at Casper; he’s very charming already and adorable.

“I love this place! I go here all the time with my friends. The wine bar is awesome. You want something?” He offers. “I suggest the Merlot. It’s my fav.”

The band starts to play. It’s a small group with the lead singer who is a short girl with curly black hair and glasses. She sings a cover of So Long.

“Sure!” I say over the music. “Thanks, Casper.”

He goes over to the bar and I sit down at a table. By the time the song is almost over, and I’m clapping, he brings over two flutes of the red wine.

“Here ya go! Enjoy!” He says.

I take the glass from him and we toast to the night, letting the glasses touch just slightly.

“Thank you, Casper!”

He swirls it around in the glass. “No problem! Oh, I love the blackberry in this. It’s really good. And there’s a bit of cherry. And vanilla, I think. I don’t know!” He laughs. “It’s just my favorite!”

We watch the band get ready for the next song. It’s Wouldn’t it be Nice, and it sounds like the Zooey Deschanel cover. I love her.

He taps the table rhythmically and smiles at the girl. “She’s cute, huh? Really talented. Reminds me of my niece.”

I thought that was good enough of a set up. Might as well tell him about my kid, and I actually was starting to like Casper a lot.

“Your niece sings? What’s her name?”

“Teresa. She loves to sing. She’s 12, going on 20,” he says with a laugh. I chuckle. “I only have a fur baby, a calico cat named Mythos, so yeah, my niece is super important to me.”

“Aw, that’s sweet. I gotta son. He’s three, named Marcus. He’s a handful, but I love him so much. From a previous relationship—-was with this girl named Joan for over a year and then she left us. But, kind of been on my own since...” I almost bit my lip so I could shut up. I realized I was rambling a bit, and stopped.

He nodded, and sipping carefully out of his glass. “He sounds sweet. I love kids. I used to babysit for my sister all the time.”

He tells me about his all of different published books, and works of poetry, and how he has his books sold in Barnes and Noble and on Amazon too, and I feel a bit inadequate all of a sudden.

“What do you do?” He asks me.

I smile nervously. I feel like a tool. But, I take in a breath and tell him.

“Wow! An actuary, huh? That’s awesome. You must be amazing with numbers and math. I was always terrible with math at school,” He laughed.

I smiled, feeling more confident. “I’ve always wanted to do something where I can do checks and balances on larger picture stuff. Like I can still focus on details but give out a report that shows overall financial statements and statistics that are important to the company’s overall financial wealth.” I sipped the wine, and we locked eyes. He was leaning in toward me as I spoke. I thought that was adorable. “So, I can assess risks and the best way to save the company money.” Now, I felt like I was just repeating myself. I shut myself up, sipping more wine.

He grinned. “That’s a very significant job then. Managing the way the insurance companies write out their policies and how they create coverage for it. That’s complicated, I’m sure.” He nodded appreciatively.

“I’m glad you understand because it’s not a job a lot of people... well, a lot of people probably think insurance people are just in it for the money. I do love the financial aspect of it, but I also want to help people too.”

“I wanna help people too. Just in a different way, like with helping people through their emotions. I’ve always had trouble with depression and stuff, so if I can help others with their difficulties through my writing, it makes me feel better. Like I made a small difference out there.”

“Yeah, I can see how that can branch out to others. Experiences, however different they are, can speak to anyone,” I say, and as we finish off the wine, I offer to buy the next round. I yawn, but it feels too long and too loud. I think I showed to him my true level of alertness, at 9:45pm on a Friday night, and it wasn’t much.

“Tired?” He asks, a half smile on his face.

“For three years, plus. I think Marcus is some kind of hybrid where sleep is an enemy to his health. He hates sleeping.”

Casper laughed, throwing his head back. “That’s too funny. I can’t imagine. How do you run on such little fuel?” He points to the coffee area. “I’d say it was coffee!”

“You’re right!” I chuckle. “Espresso. Double, sometimes.”

We listened to a few more covers from the band, enjoying our time together, joking a little and I felt like we were having a great connection.

Suddenly the room got quiet.

The way she was singing I Put a Spell on You, was just like Zooey, but with even more fervor in the vocals, and slower... it was exhilarating.

I almost felt like I was having an out of body experience.

Everything was so perfect. The music, the lighting, the intoxicating aroma of the Merlot, being there with Casper(feeling like we were somehow always together), and ...it was all just the most beautiful thing ever.

We went outside to get some air after the band left.

“Do you like comics?” Casper asked me.

“Sure. I read Watchmen when I was younger. You?” I say, leaning against the building of Starlight Delights.

“I liked Watchmen. Especially Rorschach. A very good way to get into graphic novels, I would say. Though a bit heavy at times...” He says softly. “But, there is this new comic book series I’ve gotten invested in. It’s by this Norwegian cartoonist named Jason. My favorite is called Why Are You Doing This?, and it’s minimalist style is very cool. It’s like a Hitchcockian style story of the wrong man being accused of murder. But,” he looks over at me, and we lock eyes again, “the main thing I keep going back to is how the friend who got murdered was asking the main character, how many interesting anecdotes or stories do you think you’ll have to tell someone, someday?”

I shrug. “Not many. Why is that important?”

“Because we all try to assign meaning to everything. Everything matters. Nothing matters. But, if it matters to you, it matters. You see? If it is something you felt, or heard, or you know that what you experienced is real with or without proof—-who cares what everyone else thinks? Right?”

I nod, feeling a bit inspired, “Casper, you’re on to something there... and I agree, I don’t think that it matters what anyone else thinks as long as it matters to you.”

“But, if the right person comes along, it will matter to them.” Casper says as he smiles at me and I smile back.

“True. Like as we were sitting in there... I felt like I was floating. On another plane of existence. It was like...” I took in a breath and bit my lip. “Everything was one with God. Weird huh?”

“No, Tom, I think that’s real. And I think that’s truth. Live your truth, and share it. That’s a mystic truth, Tom, and it is as real as you and me.”

I felt a bit surprised at his words, and as we took each other’s hand, roaming the big city—-I was ready and willing to experience another mystic truth. Casper and I felt connected together, and truly felt the warmth of our dreams collide and become one.