Music is what makes me feel alive

Ever since I was a child music always had the biggest impact of my life. Every emotion and moment is related to music for me. It's how I cope, how I relate and how I can explain my feelings.

Let's start back when I was a child. I was really drawn to music that I could sing. I would pull out my stereo, pop in an old cassette and sit and wait for hours for my songs that struck emotions on the radio. I would record these songs so I could write the lyrics down. This was back when you couldn't google a lyric to a song. It was the only thing that helped me cope with what I was going through as a child.

Porcelain Heart- Barlowgirl

This song to me was how I was feeling as a child enduring a lot of sexual abuse. I would often put this on repeat on my walkman and listen to it until the crying stopped. I found comfort in the soft sad sound of the music and the lyrics made me feel safe and not alone. Listening to it now, it breaks my heart that my little self was feeling so much pain. It still makes me cry when I listen to it.

Whip it-Devo

A song that brings up memories of being happy as a child is Whip it. I remember it was one of the records we would always put on. My 4 other siblings and I would put it on and dance and run around the couch with the music blasting, singing along. Laughing and forget for a minute about anything else going on. We were all homeschooled so we didn't leave the house much, but the music is what would bring us joy.

Happy moments that I remember from being a child are rare, but this song always brings a smile to my face remembering the fun we had.

As a teenager I was an emo kid, and in some ways I still am. I listen to the same sad songs that I always have and it always brings comfort.

Here (in your arms)- Hellogoodbye

I think this song was the love song for all emo kids in 2007. It was all of my friends designated "love song". This song brings back memories of Myspace and choosing my top 8 with this song blasting. Even today I listen to it often and it brings back so many memories of being a rowdy misunderstood teen.

The zombie song- Stephanie Mabey

My best friend and I were obsessed with zombies. This song brought a lot of fun and joyful memories of the long bus rides and sharing headphones with my best friend. We even built a zombie gingerbread house and it was a chaotic mess but so much fun with a genuine friend.

I'm not okay- My chemical romance

I can not even tell you how many times I have listened to this song in my life. It brings out the feelings of being a misfit teen that wasn't okay. This song was such an anthem when I was in highschool. Everyone knew this song and everyone felt something different from it. My Chemical romance is still the ultimate emo band above all. It brings comfort seeing it come back into the lives of all the new baby emo kids.

Everybody's changing- Keane

As I grew older I was drawn to acoustic sad songs. This song still hits me every time I hear it. It relates so much to how I feel about losing friends, loved ones, and myself. Bringing out feelings of not being good enough with everyone changing and succeeding around me and me being left behind. It is still my go to "cry song".

Dirty Pretty- In this moment

I was lost for a while in my early 20's trying to figure out who I wanted to be. Did I want to keep pretending to be happy and keep the repressed memories in? Or did I want to feel the feelings I was feeling and deal with them? I chose to face my feelings and past abuse and embrace it.

I rediscovered metal and I have been obsessed. The complex sound of metal really has helped me deal with every emotion. In this moment was my gateway back to myself. The person that I wanted to be. Dirty Pretty really drew me in. The lyrics, the sound and the way this song made me feel powerful. I was the one in charge of my life and it was time to live it how I wanted to, not the way everyone else wanted me to.

I get overwhelmed- Dark rooms

This song really surprised me. I was watching a movie called The ghost story, and this song really stuck with me. It's about ghosts that are looking for closure, and it really hit me for some reason. This is now a song I listen to cry, feel happy and motivate me. I never really listen to this genre but I can't stop listening to this song. It makes me cry, laugh and feel comforted.

This last song is from my favorite band, Avatar. They are a swedish metal band with such a unique sound and a way of making music. Every song by them has stuck with me and has made me fall in love with music. Seeing them live always makes me feel like I am at home.

Violence no matter what- Avatar

It's about standing up for your rights and fighting them. It really embraces the message and makes me feel ready to conquer anything that comes my way. Makes me see that I am in charge of my life and what happened to me in the past.

I could list so many songs, but I will leave you with my top 9 songs that have made a difference in my life.

It all comes down to personal taste. You could ask 100 people what these songs made them feel, and I think we would all come up with a different meaning or feeling. That is what is so great about music, it relates to so many people in different ways, bringing comfort, love, hate, sadness and so many more emotions to the table.

Now go listen to more music.