Maybe you'll grow up a lot after reading this

In our life, we will learn some beneficial behaviors for our growth, such as self-management, behavior control, responsibility, positive face of difficulties; At the same time, they will learn some behaviors that are not conducive to their growth, such as shirking responsibility, apathy, self-indulgence, apathy, and withdrawal and resistance.

Your fear of conflict, your deference to authority, your self-restraint, and your withdrawal style in relationships. The development of this behavior style is related to what you have learned in the past.

So here, make a guess, I don't know what kind of interaction you had with your parents as a child, whether your parents' education was reprimanding and preaching, or you learned this withdrawal response in the social environment to face the problem. If your parents are harsh to you, when you are young, you cannot resist. You will have to compromise and submit to protect yourself from punishment and maintain your parents' authority. Or maybe you don't know how to communicate with older people and peers in a school setting, and you have to learn humility and tolerance so that you don't make mistakes.

This kind of behavior style once formed, are likely to be similar to the situation improved, get along with friends and relatives, teachers, peers, work objects, you are habitually hide your real thoughts, and can't communicate with them freely own different opinions and views, such behavior patterns suppress your personality, reduce your work efficiency, You don't have the ability to meet your own needs.

That is, in situations that require you to behave in a way that you should (speak up and don't back down), but are lacking in your behavioral system (speak up and don't back down), what should you do? The solution is to re-establish an adaptive behavior and fill in the blanks.

How do you develop behavior that allows you to be comfortable with people outside of yourself and to put forward your own ideas without fear of conflict? To change an awkward and uncomfortable situation?

1. Observational learning

By your side, must have a calm and have the courage to express their interpersonal communication, do you want in the daily view collision and watch how they and others, pay attention to what they use the techniques, how to speak, the results of their communication is the kind of results you want, by their example, on them to find information, to study their behavior style, Man is an observant animal, and observation works. Watching TV shows and reading books are also powerful sources of observational learning.

2, demonstration

If possible, invite a friend you think you can trust to give you a demonstration in a simulated situation. The demonstration of a friend can correct your own inappropriate expectations, emotional reactions and behavioral reactions in communication, and you can participate in it and actually feel a new experience.

3. Change the internal language

You're afraid of conflict and can't face up to your own thoughts. Your internal language is usually "I'd better not say anything that will upset people. What if one of them is careless and they get mad at me?

Your withdrawn behavior style is also driven in part by your bad internal language cues, when you change your internal language to a positive, challenging, "How will I know if they agree or not if I don't say it? Maybe it won't be as bad as I thought, and I'll give it a try." When you change your internal logic and then verify your own behavior, it usually has a surprising effect.

Re-establishing a pattern of behavior requires you to gain experience, to pass the test of time, to find good feelings, and at some point in the future you will find that you are not the person you are now.

At the same time, you also need to show their own intelligence, to know the weight of speech, the discretion to handle, but this still needs you to experience and explore through practice.