Mature Friends with Benefits - How to Hook Up in your 40s and 50s

Some people believe that having Friends With Benefits is such a young person thing. It’s what the college kids do, the ones who are still working through their first career who want companionship but have no time to dedicate to a full attachment. But the same feelings that happen in your 20s can keep happening in your 40s and 50s.

That leaves the more mature crowd wondering how they can get together with someone on the same wavelength as them. Dating as you get older has some extra hitches along the ride, but the destination is just as worth it.

Let’s fully discuss how FWB is not at all a “this or that” generational thing.

Find Common Ground

Having a Friend With Benefits (FWB) in your middle years isn’t as daunting of a task as you think. It’s the same as regular dating, but without the need for commitment or planning ahead. It’s just a loose framework for getting together and having fun - in and out of the bedroom. You’ll want a partner you can get along with regardless, so you need to start your search with people you can understand.

Obviously, one big commonality is age. Dating within your own generation is a safe play for any age. But what if you want to branch out and try what the younger generation is trying?

Know Where to Go

The dating scene has changed a lot in the last 23 years. If you’re in your middle age now, you were still getting started as an adult by the time we entered the new millennium. A whole generation of young adults born after that are here now and they have shaped the world of modern dating. If you want to start your search for a FWB, you need to do it online.

There are plenty of services you can try out. AshleyMadison is probably the most well known site for searching for willing partners to have a FWB relationship. It’s also singles friendly, but if you happen to meet someone wearing a wedding ring on there, just go along with it. They have the same thing in mind as you. More direct sites like FWBDatingOnly are set up specifically for the no-strings attached type of long, but not deep, relationship goals you want. Apps like Tinder or Swipe Right are the go-tos for the mobile smartphone-centric lifestyles.

Play Up Your Strengths

It’s important not to see age as a weakness when it comes to finding FWB. Everyone likes sex, every adult can enjoy it regardless of how long they’ve been having it. Don’t be intimidated looking for a younger partner.

Instead of talking around your age or trying too hard to cover it up, embrace it and work it to your advantage. You have experience under your belt, more than the 20-somethings will have by the time they start trying to play the field. Find a partner who appreciates that - or is into that.

Get Over Your Past

Being older has advantages, and it gives you far more to reflect on from earlier in your life. Finding a FWB is a great way to break from the routines of relationships, or to move past relationships that ended up falling out. Divorce is more likely to happen later in life than early on. Having a break like that can really dampen your desire for connections, but it won’t shut down your joy over a good lay.

Understand that divorce is common, and not at all the stigma that carries over into the more casual world of hook ups and quick flings. It’s important for your new partner to be a Friend to you who can hear you out on what you went through and not judge.

Old is New Again

Being older means you’ve done your fair share of things and have long since passed through an experimental phase. You’ve tried enough to know what you like and what you’d rather not attempt with someone new. But if you get someone new, you can be the one to lead the way to their new self-discovery.

If you stuck to the simple methods your whole life, now’s the time to try out some new kinks you never got around to. Find someone who’s willing to try things out with you, have some new experiences. Life is all about learning and adapting to changes. Get a FWB who can bring on some interesting new changes.

How to Date Online?

Dating is hard enough when you’re older. But now you have to learn how to use the internet as well. People who grew up with apps and software and internet browsers are on another level when it comes to communication. You may know how to use it just fine, but there’s so much more to it than just logging on and scrolling.

Consider doing a few of these things in order to up your chances of landing a successful FWB date:

1. Make an engaging social media profile. Something where people can get to know you in short, easy-reading bursts.
2. Practice short-form talk. No need for long sentences with proper punctuation. Learn some easy shorthand and what emojis to use when you’re in the mood.
3. Plan digital dates. Instead of shopping for cheap airfare just to get some facetime, you can buy a USB camera and chat eye-to-eye with someone in your home.
4. Share your favorite things. You’re making a Friend first, and in the internet era, sharing your favorite clips or TikTok shorts is basically like inviting a friend over to check out your room.
5. Go offline without disconnecting. You can still have an online presence without being online 24/7. Enjoy your time offline, but stay available for your friend in other ways.

Whether you need a break from a long term relationship, or if you just want to live like you’re young again, finding a FWB is a great path to take for your older years. Don’t look down on your middle-age years, look forward to meeting new people and having new kinds of fun together.