Manipulated By My Ex

Hello, everyone. This is my first post on Vocal and I’d like to thank y’all for even taking the time to click on this story out of so many. It’s gonna be really long as I’m going to walk you through everything including my thoughts and emotions at the time, yes, I still remember most of it.

Well, let’s get into it.

I was 17. Naive and yearning for anyone to even look at me romantically. I was emotionally vulnerable at that point as I didn’t have a lot of family support. Financially, yes, but emotionally or mentally no. I’d had depression too (no not clinically proven I’m sorry but being in a conservative family that cares a lot about our image. I didn’t have a chance) but that’s for another day. I was insensitive as I wasn’t taught how to act or what was right/wrong. I had to learn it all from scratch. My parents shame me a lot for making mistakes but there’s no excuse for what I was about to do next. I should have known better.

Then, my friend had a guy that she liked and she really considered me as her “sister”. She was my best friend’s sister. I was glad for her. As all friends are when you’re girl finds someone she can rely on. But, the guy was in college and she was 14. He lead her on a lot, they were both probably lonely and could soothe each other. But after 1 month of talking to her, he dumped her. Why? Probably because he couldn’t have his way with her. She was underaged so he could’ve gone to jail. He dumped her by saying he had another girl and she was devastated. She cried to me and was very sad for about a day. Then, I decided to go message him on Facebook to confront him. Little did I know how much I was going to fall from grace.

After I messaged him, I watched tv and just chilled while eating some snacks. I still remember it was about 1 a.m. I was tired then ‘DING’ I thought it was my family group chat but no, it was him. He was shocked that I confronted him about it but he played it off as how he wasn’t interested in her and that she was desperate for him. As I said earlier, I was vulnerable and insensitive. So I listened to what he had to say and he sounded like a proper guy. He didn’t seem like the douchebag she had described him to be. I ‘understood’ the situation and we had a chat. I laughed a lot from the messages as he was comedic and he knew how to keep a conversation going. He also told me how the sisters of the girl had texted him romantically before. One after another. I was gobsmacked but then again, aren’t I doing the same?

Weeks passed and I felt guilty so I asked my best friend about it. She was shocked at first (who wouldn’t be?). But she regained composure and encouraged me to to go for it. That same day, we went to the mall and went to get a glimpse of him (he was working there). We were giggling and it was the exact image everyone would think of when someone mentions ‘high school girls with hormones’.

Another week passed and everything was normal, until I felt like my best friend is distancing herself from me. I didn’t know what was wrong and I was upset but I couldn’t do anything about it. I had asked her if it was about the guy and she denied while laughing so I took her word for it.

The guy asked me to be his girlfriend after one week of talking and I agreed (I’m sorry. I know I was a shitty person. Forgive me.) Everyday went by and every single morning I would text him a lengthy morning text on how I appreciate him. Every time the texts would be ignored. (Red flag: ignoring whatever the person says because you simply do not care) I didn’t notice as I was too busy going to classes and feeling tired every day. I would visit him after work and I started buying food for him just as a gesture of kindness and show him my appreciativeness. But, it turned into demands, he would indirectly hint me to go buy food for him. I had twenty dollars per day to purchase food in school but I had to save it as he would ask me to buy food for him from the mall. And y’all know, mall food it expensive, especially for a high schooler. I would starve myself just to buy food for him. He would also use my money when we went out with friends while he didn’t spend a dime. He wanted to go to another state one time and I agreed to go with him. What I didn’t know was that he was planning to use all my money on fuel and toll.

Next, it was exam week. I was studying really hard for my exams as I wanted to get good grades. It was important to my parents so I did it. Yet, while I was studying, he spammed me with texts and when I saw them, my heart dropped.

“I know it’s exam week”

“I understand”

“But I’m a man”

“And if you don’t come see me soon, I don’t know if I will continue to have feelings for you”

“Or I’d lose them” (Red flag: threatening someone that you’ll lose feelings for them as an attempt to get them to do something you want)

As a 17 year old who don’t know better, I was sad and disheartened. I didn’t know what to do. I did not have transport. He had a bike and could come see me but he didn’t. Instead he asked me to go and I couldn’t. I was very much protected by my family so I couldn’t go out alone or even go out with friends actually. So, I just ignored it.

He would also borrow my grandmothers car to drive around as he did not have his own. One time he crashed it and he just fled. As in he told my grandmother and she said it was okay but he insisted to treat us to a meal as an apology but it never happened. (Red flag: never keeps his word)

He had an ex whom he held dear. She was the girl who left him broken and was a monster (according to him). He constantly compared her to me and made me feel inferior. I was really scarred by this. I checked her pictures on social media every day thinking “why was I not her” “why did I not meet him first”. “Just why?” Then, I could be with him before he was broken. Then, I would be THE ONE for him.

Moving on, he tried to touch my breasts two weeks in our relationship. I told him I was ready and he held it against me. He pressured me and I really felt at the time that I must lose my virginity to him to know the “real” him. To get closer to him. (What bullcrap right?)

So, we did it. To my horror, nothing changed. He would bring me to his room almost everyday just to do me like an animal. I was an object to him but I didn’t know that. How could I have known when he whispered sweet nothings to my ear?

I had a nasty temper. He had a cousin who posted on social media that she “hated me” even though I have never met her. My brother goes to the same school as her and I had a group of girls who admired me a lot. They wanted to go confront her about it but I declined. I asked him to go ask her to apologise and he made it a big deal saying how she was immature and I should be the bigger person. I know I should but I wasn’t. In the end, he agreed with the girl that I had horrible makeup and he said I was just a beginner so I was not that good yet. Great huh? I lost my temper and berated him with text messages. He went to his sister and asked her to write a breakup text for him. (I knew because his English wasn’t good and his sister had a style of writing which contained certain broken English words)

Well, we broke up. At least, he broke up with me while I begged him to stay. I asked him to keep his promise that he would never tell anyone we did anything. He responded with “What promise? I never promised you anything.” And that was the last piece of my heart he broke. That was a time I would never forget. This spiralled me into depression and I was in that space of mind for 1 year until...

This all happened within a time span of four months. It may be confusing as the events may be mixed up but it happened very quickly. Anyway, if you’re still here, thank you so much for reading💜 Do let me know if y’all want other stories! I have many more :)