Love Lesson

I never really put thought into how I fell in love with him, the exact moment, or the action that was taken. I just knew that he was my person in that season that I wanted to last for a lifetime. The time we spent together was never enough. I wish U would have saved every single text message we had, but the phone calls were the best. It was never too much and it did not ever get boring, we loved each other hard. We tested things and pushed boundaries just so that we could kiss and make-up.

Now I struggle to remember what his voice once sounded like, his laugh, his touch, and everything else that he gave to me during that season of my life. He took from me more than he gave to me, because when he left he took my heart, without permission... which means that he stole it from me while I was standing there looking at him. I did nothing to stop him and I couldn't do anything to stop him, because he left like a thief in the night, with no remorse and not even a goodbye.

I don't chase or beg anyone to be in my life, but at that time in that moment I wanted to. I was willing to lose my dignity along with my self-respect for him to come back, even just for one last day of happiness with him. Thank God I'm stubborn, because I knew it would be a cold day in hell before I do any kind of begging no matter how much love is involved. Then I realized there had to have been a reason for all of this, I had fallen "in love" with someone who just had "care" for me, but it still hurt, because I knew that he wasn't coming back and I had to deal with that. He could have at least told me instead of just letting me fall, or maybe I should have known my place in his life before I started jumping to conclusions that he wasn't a season person in my life and automatically putting him in the forever place.

He actually left me for another woman, that hurt just a little only because I couldn't figure out how he had time for anyone else, but where there is a will there is a way. I began to re-evaluate our situation and love can blind you seriously. He really wasn't that great of a guy other than in the bedroom I was completely and totally blinded by sex, if he did something to piss me off he knew without a doubt, him "making love" to me would make me feel better. The lesson was then made clear "good sex" will make you over look the rest. Now, I'm very cautious when it comes to sex, because even though that was like ten years ago I know it can happen again. I have to know for a fact that the person is right in the head, before I let them get me in bed. Lesson learned, and it's a good lesson, I was so blinded I believed I was in love with a someone who turned out to be an ultimate "cheater" (I found out later on there were more woman than the one he left me for he was sleeping with) that knew just how to control me. The crazy thing is I was in love and no matter how much I want to be like, "I wish I never met him" I can't, because, when I love I love hard and it's real so the karma will definitely come back on him and that's not my fault I was true to him and I was true to my heart.

I let my body and heart override logic, because there were signs, however hindsight is always 20\20. I chose to ignore the signs and that is also on me. I ignored the signs because no one had ever made me feel the way that he did and I was selfish I didn't want to lose him. He made everyday feel like a different experience I had never felt a happiness in my life as closely as he made me it feel. It took me awhile to just not even think about him, but when he let go, I knew I had to as well, physically but emotionally I would be attached for a little longer. I did keep a promise to myself that even though things played out the way that it did, I would always be thankful for him, he introduced me to a side of myself that I didn't know existed at the time, because I wasn't sure if I was capable of love, I never saw that as a possibility and even though the love wasn't real for him it was for me. I know that I am capable of love.