For Better or For Worse

Sooooo, I've been married twice (please do not judge me) and I don't blame my failed marriages on anything or anyone, because of my lack of not knowing what it is or what it means when I said my vows. One day I just sat and thought about what the man did or didn't do wrong, but what I was missing within myself. I started researching myself I became my own "project. Like, what do I believe my marriage vows mean to me? I said the vows, "for better or for worse, through sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, and until death do you part", not sure if those are in the right order. I just repeated what I was suppose to say at the moment to the man that was standing in front of me, not even thinking about how I really felt about what I was vowing to at the time. I really had to put in some deep thinking, to understand what each of those vows meant especially with me going into a covenant under God.

To start off, honestly I don't remember the order (that is okay for right now). "For better or for worse", I'm realistic I know that marriage is not a cake walk, however I would rather have more love stories than war stories when it comes down to my marriage. Seriously, the way that I look at it is are you making me better or worse. Am I picking up toxic habits or behavior from my partner. For example, am I so consumed by a person that I lose my true self. Some people may say, "well you should have known yourself before you got married". And I totally agree with that up to a certain level. I know that people can also wear masks and love can be very blinding to the the point that they wear that mask all the way up to the alter, then they have some sick kind of leverage marriage to me holds some leverage and depending who you are no matter if you behavior changes due to your partner energy (this is vice versa) your behavior may worsen without you even realizing it. That sucks I know, but it can happen. Marriage should change you anyway, because it's a different kind of commitment it's a stronger bond or it should be, although you may just think people change, but if you're changing for the worse seek counseling if your partner agrees or just jump ship if they don't.

"Through sickness and health", doesn't sound to hard, however if you are with someone that is emotionally draining you to the point your mental health is in danger RUN! There are people that are designed to drive you crazy which ultimately makes you unhealthy. It's a sickness they have of seeing you go crazy AKA your health. I love the thought of love, however being crazy in love to the point I don't know whether I'm "coming or going" is not a reality for me at all. Some may think I'm crazy for looking at it like this, but I'd rather look crazy then to be crazy.

"For richer or for poorer", love does not pay bills I can't and won't stress that enough. No we do not have to be millionaires (in this lifetime), but financial security is important. Faith without work is dead, we both have to put work in so don't have to focus on the "poorer" part. Neither in the relationship should be relying on each other financially, meaning don't count my money, if you don't feel it's necessary to go out and make your own. I know things happen and people lose their jobs, or a financial crisis happens in the family, however both have to do what it takes no matter what to make things work. Both people in a marriage can still pursue other passions, and at the same time make sure they are still taking care of the main finances. Building is at the beginning stages of marriage and if you can't build then what's the point?

"Til death do us part", I'm going to make this easy if you step out on the marriage it's dead. I don't want to hear shit about why and what happened or what lead you to do that and your partner should feel the same way if the roles were reversed. The trust is gone it can be forgiven, but not forgotten. Nobody wants to be laying in bed beside a person that they have to question (this is my opinion) if they really want to be somewhere else. It's a dead situation, and really the only thing keeping the marriage together is memories before the stepping out (if they were good, which makes the cheating worse) and some court documents. I'm not big on "once a cheater always a cheater", however I'm not going to chance it. Death could just be the love is no longer there and you just don't know how to say goodbye. That's hard, I suggest that you choose your happiness and not even think about staying "just because", and again are you there for the years or the tears.

The next time I get married (yep, the next time) I'll make sure to know the person enough to make it a loving and successful marriage, because realistically these are things you should know before you make a marital commitment or even consider it. And again these are just my thoughts on what I've been thinking.